Citation: Tree. "Becoming Insane: An Experience with Cannabis & Caffeine (exp83701)". Erowid.org. Jun 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/83701
I've been smoking for about 4 years on and off, and have had some enlightening and often difficult experiences. This by far kicked me out of the dimension of reason. It was an unexpected night. My good friend, boyfriend, and I were relaxing at the kitchen table and lit our third for the night. My friend commented it was 'trippy shit.' I paid no mind because he always liked to talk up his stuff. Although now I wish I had listened.
I'm still not sure what it was that put me into that state: the two energy shots, my somewhat anxious state, or complete randomness. I will never know. But I’m sitting there after we had smoked, and things started to get a little dark and I felt quite disconnected. I'm looking back and forth at a conversation between the two of them that only makes me feel more foreign. All of the sudden, like a jolt, I felt the most overwhelming sadness I have ever felt. I began to cry and didn’t understand it. They asked me what’s wrong but I was mostly gone by that point. I don’t know exactly how much time passed after that moment, but I remember “waking up” insane. I had this static sort of film surrounding me. It was like a barrier keeping me from the real world. I told myself it was insanity and I could visually see it but couldn’t break through it. I tried to correct my speech as I know it should’ve been but I couldn’t. Sanity was almost an illusion.
During this moment I was having the most in-depth mind loops. One consisting of believing I have been crazy my whole life and never before noticed it until now. I felt like I was inhuman. I could swear to this day that it was laced with PCP. Nothing else I’ve ever heard of could’ve made me that paranoid and deathly afraid of everything.
Some authors report suspicions that their cannabis has been 'laced' (adulterated), in some cases, presumably with PCP. While this is possible, readers should be aware that idiosyncratic response to the effects of cannabis (usually higher doses) can lead some users to presume their cannabis has been 'laced'. There is no way to know if the cannabis in the report below was adulterated or not. Reports of plant material and cannabis laced with powerful synthetic cannabinoids and other psychoactive substances became more common starting in 2007.]
To this day, I have not smoked since, and don’t plan on it. I was constantly blacking out and waking up, not knowing where I was or what was going on. I remember asking, “How long have I been like this?” I felt like it had been forever, and I was an old person who had lived a lifetime. I would repeat the same tasks over and over again, like drinking water, hoping they would make me normal. I kept telling myself during moments of sobriety, you’re just high, you only smoked. I couldn’t convince myself. I also would have overwhelming visuals that were tied to every thought that I had, although they were usually completely random. This went from about 7pm until 2am. I kept trying to go to sleep with my boyfriend because we had school the next day but I was so paranoid. Even stupid things like him being afraid of me because I was so freaked out. I couldn’t lie still had to get up and walk around. My boyfriend would try to calm me down but it just scared me and I kept pleading with him to stop and apologizing. I said everything around me was evil.
Finally after cycles and cycles of relapsing into what I believed was some sort of psychosis I went to sleep. I woke up the next day and was after glowing the entire day. It was by far the most life changing experience in my life, and it made me realize that my worst fears can present themselves while in vulnerable states such as that night. On the other hand, it taught me to be less fearful because if I try to fight something, anything, it will only make it a million times worse.
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