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First Time Alone
MDMA (Ecstasy)
Citation:   Amyra Jade. "First Time Alone: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp83970)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2019. erowid.org/exp/83970

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 tablet oral MDMA
  T+ 1:10 1 tablet oral MDMA
  T+ 2:30 1 tablet oral MDMA
  T+ 4:30 1 tablet oral MDMA
BODY WEIGHT: 90 lb
Experiencing Ecstasy Independently

This was my third time experimenting with ecstasy, and first time alone. It had been about a year since I popped e, and I was really curious how different the effects would be if I'd done it alone.
I was really curious how different the effects would be if I'd done it alone.
It turned out to be rather a spiritual experience; I can't quite decide if it was good or bad.

I had bought 4 caps of e about a week before, and had intended to use it whenever I felt like it. They were grey with a symbol of a gun imprinted in them. One Friday evening I spontaneously decided to pop them.

I took one pill around 11:30pm, and started feeling minor effects about an hour later. I never got any strong effects from taking just one tablet, so I knew by then that I have a high tolerance for the stuff. I decided around 12:40pm that Iíll pop another.

I was surprisingly feeling very relaxed. I personally actually donít define e as a party drug or anything, but more of a spiritually euphoric experience type of drug. But thatís just me. Somehow I didnít even feel the need to be around other people and I was able to enjoy it alone. I decided to write my thoughts on paper; I ended up writing 33 pages full of texts about life, philosophy, and everything that I couldíve possibly thought of.

I was able to think things through so clearly, and I enjoyed this a lot. Even after the second pill I canít quite say I was feeling euphoric, but more Ö Iím not sure how to explain it. I was thinking things so deeply that it made me slightly emotional but not extremely sad emotional. I was confident in my thoughts. I was thinking of things from the past a lot, reflecting on the life Iíve had. It was slightly overwhelming because every memory I thought of was brought to me with so much detail.

I started listening to music as I wrote. It was absolutely amazing; I tried listening to a lot of things and Iím going to have to be a hippie and say classic rock sounded the best to me, probably because thatís my all time favorite. The sounds of guitars just took my breath away. I also tried listening to techno and trance, it was pretty good but it didnít beat my favorite genre. Around 2:00am I decided to take my third pill.

An hour later, I was rolling pretty hard. I kept on writing, as my writing became worse and worse. I was still making some sense but my writing was barely readable and I couldnít write the letters properly. I spent another hour on my computer, sucking on a soother, writing in my book, and listening to more music. It was really chill. I was sweating pretty bad though, and I forgot to drink much water so that was pretty bad. My throat hurt pretty bad the next morning.

I couldnít control myself as much at this point and took the last pill without thinking about it much (or in that ďMeh, why the hell not, I might as well!Ē attitude) around 4:00am. I continued with what I was doing for a bit more. Anything seems to entertain me while Iím rolling. But the most messed up thing happened around 4:40am or so.

It was something Iíd never experienced before. I started seeing things that werenít actually there. Well, it was more like objects that are there that formed into something else in my mind as I viewed it. It was messed up, two bags of trash formed itself into looking like a cat and a dog plushie. Iíd stare at it in confusion for about 2 minutes and it would slowly turn back into its original image, as just two bags.

This got much worse after about 10 more minutes. I started seeing people. I was neither frightened nor comfortable with my hallucinations but I know for sure I was 100% awake and wasnít dreaming or anything. I was lying in my bed and I kept seeing figures of my ex boyfriend, whom Iím still very close friends with. Heíd be sitting beside my bed and Iíd clearly see him as if he was actually there. Heíd be moving his hand slightly and Iíd also capture his movement, making things seem extremely realistic. Then I would reach out to him, heíd turn around slightly, but then as I get closer heíd fade away and disappear. Then heíd reappear in a bit at a different location in my room, and do the exact same thing all over again. This happened multiple times. I truly believed he was there in my room at the time because it was so realistic. It was crazy.

It stopped around 6:00am or so though, and I was still writing. I looked over my writing after I was sober, and near the end I was not making any sense at all.
I looked over my writing after I was sober, and near the end I was not making any sense at all.
It was like I was having imaginary conversations with myself or my imaginations. I had school that day and I was exhausted but decided to attend anyways.

The night was overall extremely interesting. I wouldnít mind doing it again whatsoever except I should probably be smarter next time and decrease the dosage, and get some rest after rolling. I was in terrible condition for the next 2 days, not emotionally but because the e had given me physical damage.

I developed some sort of infection in my mouth, these sore white patches on the inside of my cheeks, and my lips, and on my tongue. I also couldnít eat for two full days and on the third morning I had woke up vomiting from starvation.

My experience really sorted my thoughts out as I was in a difficult point of time with my relations with people. I also felt confident and independent with how I was able to enjoy it all by myself. It left me overall confident with my life and what I have now.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 83970
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 12, 2019Views: 976
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MDMA (3) : Hangover / Days After (46), General (1), Alone (16)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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