Citation: Reality Check. "Damiana 'Death': An Experience with Damiana & Cymbalta (exp84041)". Erowid.org. Apr 1, 2010. erowid.org/exp/84041
[Erowid Note: This reaction to damiana is so unusually strong, it is difficult to accept that the material inhaled by the author was only smoke from damiana. Perhaps the bowl contained residue of some other substance or the plant material he smoked had synthetic cannabinoids added.]
So I’m going to be writing this experience from the perspective of both myself and my sober fiancé who luckily was there with me at the time I tried this legal high. To start us off I mind as well give you a background of my drug “resume.” I am no newcomer when it comes to trying different drugs. Through high school I would constantly experiment with anything and everything. You would hand me a pill and I would pop it. It wasn’t the best way to live but there was a bit I was struggling with at the time. From weed to even meth; I’ve tried it. Except for cocaine and hallucinogens (for some reason these scare me the most) besides salvia though. Nowadays I take 60mg of Cymbalta once a day for my depression and anxiety. I’ve tried about three different anti-depressants and this seems to be the one for me.
The day this all began on was just another gloomy Tuesday in Washington. My fiancé and I had just gotten out of our classes for the day and decided to get some shisha for our hooka since I had been sober for an entire week. I know your all thinking whoop de doo, but for me this was quite the big deal. Before this I had gone on quite the drug binge, putting myself into the hospital multiple times. Still to this day I have no idea how she still loves me. I am one lucky guy apparently. So after we chose our flavor I proceeded to ask the clerk about this legal bud stuff and if it actually did anything. She said she never tried it but that I should try Damiana since she really liked it. I was quite shocked at the fact that a small jar of it was $30. Obviously I still bought it anyways. We got home around 2:00 PM and I proceeded to set up our hooka and load up the bubbler with the Damiana.
T 0:00 – My first two and only hits were massive. I didn’t even get this much smoke when I smoked bud. The taste was quite amazing. Although the second hit was too much for me and made me gag really hard.
T 0:05 – A few minutes later I started to feel extremely heavy and slowed like I had taken a massive bong hit and couldn’t function. My fiancé just kept telling me to light the bubbler for her but all I could say was “NO!” because I knew I didn’t want her to feel how I did.
T 0:10 – Within about 10 minutes all I could remember was laying on my couch wondering where in the hell I went and what was going on. (From here on in most of what you here is what my fiancé told me happened. I have only bits and pieces that I remember. Well at least of reality. I remember my trip very well.)
T ~0:12 – I remember bouncing in and out of consciousness while I was standing in front of my kitchen sink attempting to throw water on my face. I thought I could wake myself up out of this trip and that it was a legal high that wouldn’t last long. It couldn’t be this intense! I may be no psychonaught but I can handle my drugs! All of the sudden I was “out.” My fiancé said I just sat on the floor, hugging my knees, with my head buried into my legs.
T 0:15 – I awoke furious. Some girl was shaking me and I wasn’t in my house anymore. I could see tons of people around me but no one was talking! Only this one girl shaking me and yelling at me to wake up! It wasn’t my fiancé in my mind and looked nothing like her. (Although later I would find out it was her the whole time and that no one was in the house besides us.) Somehow I kept shifting between “realities.” You have no idea how bad I wish I could explain this trip in full detail. I would enter alternate universes parallel to our own. I feel extremely terrible for this next part, but apparently I struck my fiancé in a rage because in my head it wasn’t her and I only wanted to see her. I would never lay a finger on her ever yet somehow I managed to strike her.
T 0:20 – According to her I walked upstairs and proceeded to walk around the corner and straight into the wall. Then I just sat down and passed out. I’ve come to realize I set off my hypoglycemia and blacked out. What I remember from this part is the craziest part of the trip. I thought I had died and entered the afterlife. It was NOTHING like I have heard from other stories or any religion. It was also the scariest moment of my life and I hope I never have to relive it. My vision was as if every single particle on earth had combined and was just put in a blender. My thoughts were racing ten billion miles a second and I couldn’t calm myself down for the life of me. It was as if I knew things made sense but I couldn’t stop them. They just kept coming at me even once I finally understood “well fuck… I’m dead and this is my punishment.” All of the sudden that thought would disappear and I would be in extreme pain and it would start all over again. I just… I wish I could explain this to you. I thought an eternity had passed while it was only about 5-10 minutes max. It was the worst thing imaginable and then some. I would rather spend eternity in the lowest layer of hell than to live this way. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
T 0:45 – I all of the sudden awoke with my fiancé bawling over me and talking on my cell phone to 911. She had called an ambulance because I was unconscious for about 5-10 minutes and had turned extremely pale. Also I had a small seizure-like attack. I can’t even imagine how scary this was for her. I know I had the worst trip anyone could ever imagine but I looked like I was dying right in front of her. I begged her to call them back and call off the EMTs but I really wasn’t thinking straight. I thought I was ok because I wasn’t “dead” anymore but I was still mentally gone and shifting “realities.”
T 1:00 – The fire engine pulls up and six people come into my house. I honestly have almost no recollection of this except that I had massive cottonmouth and that one of my friends from high school was one of the fire fighters. Not going to lie to you. That was extremely awkward. What I remember is being hooked up to a machine, being a smart ass, asking for water multiple times, finally getting upset and shuffling into my kitchen, giggling the whole way, and finally signing some electronic thingy that said I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Oh and apparently two of my close friends had come to my house because my fiancé called them freaking out. I’m so glad my friends care about me.
T 1:00-2:00 – Spent this entire time trying to come back to what I knew was “reality.” The weirdest feeling I could ever imagine. To me it was like I took 20 whip-it’s that lasted forever and there was no return. Both my friends and I thought I had fried my brain or something. I felt mentally demolished and just dumb. I have an above average IQ of 135 but I couldn’t articulate or comprehend anything at all. My fiancé was extremely pissed at me but I couldn’t stop laughing for some reason. I was extremely euphoric and kept thinking about how crazy the trip was even though just half an hour ago I was scared shitless and thought I was dead. I don’t really remember at what point it happened but also apparently I managed to make love with my fiancé before the whole EMT thing. Damiana is an aphrodisiac after all.
T >2:00 – So it was 4:00 PM and I had work at 4:30 with no excuse to call out besides the fact I was still out of it. I obviously did what every AMERICAN would do and went to work faded. It was a short shift and the whole first two hours I was completely drained and still shifting between mental states. Slowly it got better though and by 8:00 PM my manager sent me home because I was so tired. It’s now 2:30 AM and I decided I needed to share this story with the world. I will never try this drug again and I have no intention of ever touching a hallucinogen. I am scarred for life and I hope no one else ever goes through what I did.
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