DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 tablet	insufflated	MDMA	(ground / crushed)
T+ 0:20	2 tablets	oral	MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

A couple of days ago, I took MDMA for the first time (alone). I had previously taken it at the same time as mushrooms, believing that it was not something I was interested in trying by itself for naive and complicated reasons that weren't logical, but have long since passed.

At 12am, we dosed. I snorted a pill, then swallowed two approximately twenty minutes later. Just as I finished eating the second pill, I felt a strong sense of excitement tainted with a touch of anxiety. My muscles felt mildly tenser, but before about ten minutes, the pleasant effects had begun. I was blown away utterly.

I had expected it to be more of an intoxicant, something that 'fucked me up'. No. Absolute and utter clarity. No inhibitions, no insecurities. Only peace, honesty, and empathy. My body felt electric, both cold and hot at the same time, but in a mild and pleasant way. I was happy and good-natured. I wanted everyone else to be happy, to do what I could to make them happy. I became very talkative, and surprisingly articulate and eloquent. There was a filter between what I said and what I meant that stripped every impurity and inessential impulse from my expression; I said what I meant, instead of saying something that partially contained what I meant. Now, I am a fairly literate person, and I've been a writer for years, and I was utterly shocked at the spontaneous analogies and metaphors and expressions I was just using naturally, without any kind of forethought or planning. To be communicative and expressive felt like the most natural thing in the world.

After some time, everyone else was up (I had mostly been talking to a friend of mine waiting for the others) and we began the first of our activities: Face painting. My face was painted as a frog, the feeling of the brush on my skin sending electric tingles of pleasure throughout my body. It was hard not to smile constantly, or talk to the people around me.

After face painting, I looked at one of my oldest and best friends, and I thought about a lot of the things that had gone on between us. J and I had been friends for about six to seven years now, a long time for someone who has just turned twenty. Over the years, through childish drama and girls and him moving away, we had become estranged, and I knew that a large part of that was my fault. I walked up to him and immediately expressed my regret, and apologized. We talked about it for a long time, and in less than a half hour, we worked through six years of buried feelings. It is the single best thing that has happened for our friendship. We share a hug, and I can feel nothing but overwhelming kindness and goodness. We go back inside, where the other two roll-mates were (presumably) talking. This is when the massages began.

I cannot describe the absolutely wonderful feeling of skin on skin when I was at the peak of my roll. I was first, with the other three giving me a massage or tickling gently. I could barely contain the pleasure. This was not a sexual pleasure, it was partly tactile (It was so soft, and yet so intense and powerful and pleasurable) and partly emotional. (Touch is a very powerful method of human contact when you are sober. Imagine it with a thousand times the empathy and none of the insecurities or hang-ups.) After some time, we go back to talking and telling stories and playing guitar. I was surprised to find that playing guitar was easy; pieces that I had trouble playing came out unconsciously, and my improvisations sounded intricate and complicated but somehow simple. I do not want to seem like I was high and therefore overestimating my opinion of my playing; I was simply capable of playing music easily and playing pieces naturally that I could only play after a warm-up and concentrating.

Over time, talking, and smiling, we all came down one by one, though surprisingly, after everyone else had finished, I began to roll anew. I had been nigh baseline, and just as I began to settle down, whoosh. I felt a rush and then proceeded to roll for about twenty minutes before coming down again. During this time discussion continued, though I was the only one rolling, I seemed to bring the others back into that open, talkative state with my enthusiasm. It was almost as if when they were not thinking about how they were coming down, they stopped coming down.

I understand why this chemical is being considered for psychotherapy. I do not understand why it is not already in use, because its benefits are obvious.

This was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and while I am eager to repeat it, I think I am going to wait at least a month. This is something for special occasions. It is far to beautiful a thing for it to be normal, and there are frequent reports of the effects diminishing permanently if the drug is abused.

I will always be thankful to J, because without him, I do not think I would have met this wonderful chemical at this point in my life, and I am glad for our mutual friendship that we were together when I did.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 84077
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Jun 30, 2021	Views: 507
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