Citation: patjgray67. "An Eye-Opener: An Experience with MDMA (exp84258)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/84258
||(pill / tablet)
The first time I did E was on a day pretty much just like any other. I had been sitting around bored smoking some weed, watching movies etc. I had just added this girl I had met at a previous halloween on myspace and through that I got her aim and we were talking. I was trying to hook up with her, who I will call A, but not really caring too much one way or the other. She mentioned that her and a friend were trying to find people to throw down for an ecstasy buy. I had some money and I had read about the substance but really didn't know completely how it worked or what would happen. I just thought sex on e would be pretty awesome so I just decided right then and there that I was definitely in. We had to wait around for several hours during which time I started to do a lot of research. I ingested 2000mg vitamin c and drank 2 big glasses of water, and had a meal ahead of time. I then didn't have anything else to eat after that. I also read a lot on erowid about mdma and related ecstasy substances just so I knew what to expect. But again I still didn't really know TOO much.
Eventually, she and her friend, a kid who actually happened to be the older brother of one of my best friends,call him R, ended up showing up at my house. I could tell at the time that he was trying to hook up with her too and that she already had interest, so I just let go of that idea and decided to just have fun and walk around and talk to people. We got a ride from another friend of mine and purchased our pills but had no idea what we wanted to do. R eventually found a group of cool redneck dudes who were friends of his who were having a bonfire. I grabbed a light button up shirt, and a very light hoodie to have over that.
As we were going we were actually pulled over by a cop because our driver was very tired from work and supposedly went slightly over the line. He was completely sober at the time, but had an 18 of beer in his trunk and we had 5 e pills along with some weed, a few bowls. We just kept calm and explained it off, and the cop just told us to get where we were going and stay there. We politely agreed and continued on our way. This sort of phazed me at the time but I quickly forgot about it. I just figured I should completely explain my set and the setting.
So on to the setting, a semi large piece of property owned and maintained by a very cool australian guy, D. There were a few small houses on the property. There were about 10 other people there, a few other guys, 2-3 girls. Everyone was friendly and pretty relaxed the whole night. R's friend came up to us, his name was B, and asked what we were up to and we told him that I had 3 e pills and R and A had 1 each. He was drinking beer and other alcohol heavily at the time as were everyone there besides myself, A and R, the rolling people. Only water for us :) They had a MASSIVE bonfire going at the time, and all through the night, everyone there was mostly carrying on, having fun, and just dragging around random wood and burning materials to toss into the massive fire at the center. It was also VERY hot near the fire. We had several water bottles and some packs of gum. We decided to drop our pills, A was swallowing her's because she couldn't stand the taste, but R said that he was absorbing his under his tongue and holding the liquid there and then after some time swallowing the liquid. I decided I wanted the most impact so I too decided to absorb my small, pink, star-shaped pills. We all took them at the same time and proceeded to wait around for it to kick in while just walking around talking about random stuff. Note: I do not know exactly when we dropped so I will give estimates and just say 11 pm.
We are noticing a definite bitter taste that is strong, but I find I actually do not really mind. It is a very basic type of taste, no acidity at all really. It is almost salty but also very, very bitter. R and A both say that it definitely tastes similar to other good e pills they have had previously. Both R and I notice that parts of our tongue and mouth are starting to numb slightly, not like novacaine or anything, but still noticeable. (I'm not really sure about this, MDMA does have analgesic properties, but I've only really heard of numbness from cocaine and painkillers. So it could have had something else with it, but we all definitely could tell it had MDMA in it.) We are starting to feel pretty buzzed already too just a slight anticipatory feeling probably placebo and norepinephrine begining to flow more. The fire is very big and quite hot from a long distance. We drink water, sipping it slowly and swishing it around slightly in our mouths the entire time.
Another 15-20 minutes pass with everyone there just burning stuff, talking and having fun. The marjority of the people there were already -very- drunk at this point and continued on for the whole night. We are all most definitely feeling pretty nice already. We are all three very smiley and enthusiastic about things and everyone is getting along good. Everyone is starting to get a body and head high, and breathing deep and walking around on the poofy, soft grass felt very good. I was especially enjoying it as I had never had such quick and powerful sensations. I was talking freely to everyone and walking around wide-eyed, feeling like I was on the edge of something. This carries on for about 30 minutes after initial dosing and just gets better and better. Around this time I am feeling very nice, very friendly an just generous all around. I still had 2 pills left but I had NO need or desire to take them myself. At this point B came up to me and asked if he could purchase a tab off me and I quickly said yes. He then told me he didn't have any money, but that if I gave him my cell number he would call me in a day or two when he got payed and give me 30 dollars for one 20 dollar pill.
This brings me to something important about ecstasy. Ecstasy DOES effect my judgment. I feel fantastic, lovey-dovey and like everyone near me is one of my best friends in the entire world. But of course they are not. So I might make some decisions that I normally wouldn't make with a relative stranger, because of how empathetic and just loved up I feel.
Ecstasy DOES effect my judgment. I feel fantastic, lovey-dovey and like everyone near me is one of my best friends in the entire world. But of course they are not. So I might make some decisions that I normally wouldn't make with a relative stranger, because of how empathetic and just loved up I feel.
Like fronting a 20 dollar pill to a complete stranger. I decided to anyway, and I handed him 1 of the small pink star shaped goodies. He had also been drinking VERY heavily throughtout the whole night, but assured me he could handle himself. I said ok, fine, whatever, and we just started talking about random stuff as he absorbed his pill. He was a logger and I was a lot more interested in this than I normally would have been, and I noticed my thought process was sped up when I was asking him rapid-fire questions about working as a logger. I had done adderalls, vyvanse, and ritalins before this and the speedy conversation and mental clarity was similar, but with much more noticeable euphoria and bodily sensations. Another 15 minutes or so pass, A and R are looking at eachother and seem to be talking intimately, while I just roam around the property starting up fantastic conversations about basically anything and everything with all the random people I had just met. I was smiling very big the whole time and very empathetic and involved in people's stories. This is probably t+45-50
OK. I feel FANTASTIC. Simply everything and everyone just looks and feels amazing. I am just inhaling the night air deeply through my mouth alternating with my very much opened up nasal passages. Everything feels super crisp and fantastic and the sweatshirt I was wearing felt very soft. I smoked my first bowl of the night as this point (I wanted to gather some of the effects from baseline first) and it very much intensified the whole experience and made it have an almost trippy feel. I was having some minor difficulties walking due to my legs doing a very slight wobble. I was also clenching my jaw heavily and we all chewed many pieces of some kind of very fruity bubblicious gum and it just tasted and felt so good in my mouth. I kept just walking around and then sitting down at random places and just feeling patches of grass while staring at the massive bonfire. Then I would, within 5 minutes, get up a stagger to another spot and sit down there instead, with no real reason for doing it. I guess I wanted to see the fire from every angle. I was great entertainment for everyone there, as they had all rolled many times previously and knew exactly what I was feeling. I was bobbing my head enthusiastically to the county music and rock that they had playing, and I will just say I normally NEVER listen to country music. Everything just felt fantastic and I was having very entertaining, humorous conversations with everyone there, while normally I am sort of anxious and reserved, especially with strangers, but all of these people felt like they all just wanted me to have a great time with my first roll, and they gave me random advice, like jumping around a bit to get blood flowing, etc.
At t+1 20 or so, things started to get a little weird. We were all VERY intoxicated, A and R were making out a lot at this point and R was playing random hip hop songs from his blackberry. However, a few of the guys there were starting to get very drunk and they started to hit on A. She seemed a little uncomfortable by it, and R just held onto her somewhat possessively the whole time. Eventually the guys started trying to get her to take her top off, obviously they were hoping to take advantage of her uninhibited state. She really didn't seem to mind this the whole time, but R was getting slightly annoyed, and the whole mood was sort of messing with my otherwise fantastic feelings.
I started to experience my first 'crashes' which were basically strange bodily sensations, flushing of the face and chest, paranoid and depressing thoughts, and a general sense of sadness, mostly the fact that A was a pretty young teenage girl, who was being debased to nothing more than eye-candy. Hey, I am a nice guy in general, and I don't get into the typical male idea of getting women really fucked up and then trying to sex them, so it was a little weird for me. This quickly ended when she told them she was only 17 and they halted their advances, but one of the more wasted guys there, M, still kept trying throughout the night, and he really got on my nerves for that, I just wanted everyone to have fun and talk and not really worry about normal stuff for the night, but again, only the 3 of us were rolling, everyone else was just very drunk, and alcohol can make fools of people very easily.
We got over this whole thing quickly and just got back to the talking and whatever. Around this time R asked me if I would front him a pill for him and A to split, and he assured me he would pay me back in a few days. Mistake number two here for me, as I ended up not getting money from either of those two, and instead spent over 100 dollars that night, pills and weed combined. Anyway, this is around t+1 30- 1 45 and I believe this is when I hit my first 'peak' as I was standing somewhat close to the fire, and I started to get insanely strong head and chest rushes. I began to get worried, thinking I had OD'd, or was dehydrating so I asked R for some of his water. I then realized how close I was to the massive bonfire, so I walked 20 feet back and sat down on the cool grass, taking off my sweatshirt and holding the cool water bottle to my chest. I felt almost immediately better, and I was super speedy at this point. Like my legs were bouncing around on their own accord, my whole body was rocking back and forth and I was just smiling huge the entire time. This is when it really kicked in. I went from feeling fantastic, to feeling in-fucking-credible. Thoughts flying a mile a minute, full closed-eye visuals, and all sorts of revelations about my life, what I want to do with it, my friends, etc. The whole night I was wishing very much that I had my best friend with me to share in the experience, but he was busy that night.
We spent the next hr or so just talking very quickly and deeply around all sorts of random stuff, when suddenly somebody realized that B was missing. My heart almost stopped. The hammered drunk guy that I had given ecstasy too was missing somewhere in the woods. What if he passed out? What if he was seizing up right now on the forest floor, and we were all just sitting around talking shit and enjoying our buzz? Most everyone else wasn't really worried and said he was probably just exploring, but the thoughts stuck with me and definitely had an effect on my feelings. I felt great sure, but I still had worries brewing underneath it.
After an hour or so the others started to get worried, so they mounted up a big search mission and all got into their random jeeps and trucks and drove off into the woods searching for him. They were gone for probably 20 minutes and I was talking to a new person I hadn't talked to much before. I expressed my concern that I had given B ecstasy after he had been drinking, and that he might be in trouble. He explained that B was a big boy and could handle himself, and if he couldn't, it was his problem, but I was still a little worried. We were just chatting talking, when suddenly, B came staggering out of the forest. We ran over to him and he was just giggling like a maniac, and the first words he said were 'holy shit'. Apparently he had found a really cool looking tree in the woods and had spent the last 2 hours just walking around it, examining it from every angle, trying to climb it, lying beneath it, etc. So the whole time we were sort of worried, he was actually having the time of his life just roaming around some big ass tree in the woods. This seemed to be sort of a metaphor for the whole night to me. Everyone was kinda
just wrapped up in their own little feelings.
The next few hours after B returned went without any more problems, and so the hours flew by. We all talked and smoked a lot of weed the entire time, and overall it really was a great night. We all started to crash at around 5 in the morning, so we went to sleep. I woke up the next morning after only 5 hours of sleep, but strangely felt incredible still, and ended up having so much energy that I walked/hitch-hiked home instead of waiting around for 3 hours for my ride.
I ended up developing a hangover later in the day and just took 2000mg more vitamin c, and went to sleep very early that night. The next day I felt fine.
Overall this was one of the most eye-opening, and incredible, experiences I have had. It really made me realize that everybody is connected in the idea that we all just want to feel good, be listened too, and respected. Also in the year or so since then I have really gotten much better control of my emotions in general, and I no longer get pointless anxiety. I basically just realized that most stuff wasn't worth worrying about and didn't matter, and I realized that if I could control myself and my emotions in the midst of an ecstasy trip (and subsequently, LSD and mushroom trips later) that I could do it any time no matter what in just normal every day sober life.
in the year or so since then I have really gotten much better control of my emotions in general, and I no longer get pointless anxiety. I basically just realized that most stuff wasn't worth worrying about and didn't matter, and I realized that if I could control myself and my emotions in the midst of an ecstasy trip (and subsequently, LSD and mushroom trips later) that I could do it any time no matter what in just normal every day sober life.
Overall I do not regret my decision to take any substance that I have taken, besides maybe a few ill DXM trips but that is a completely different story, and has more to do with the ever-important issues of set and setting.
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