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Psychedelish
4-HO-DMT
by PippUK
Citation:   PippUK. "Psychedelish: An Experience with 4-HO-DMT (exp84332)". Erowid.org. Oct 5, 2010. erowid.org/exp/84332

 
DOSE:
80 mg oral 4-AcO-DMT (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 11.5 kg


[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

I dug out my vial of 4HO-DMT from the back of my freezer yesterday to provide me with my trip. The vial held about 500mg of the gram I aquired about 3 years ago. I had given about 200mg away, and the rest had been used on vary rare occasions. It was in a clean white powdery crystaline form to start with but had gained a light greyish hue after all that time. I had assumed that it would have lost some of its potency as well, and on the previous occasion had been quite generous with my doseage.

It had been a trip of a powerful nature and yet also very beautiful, in which I had pored through memories that I scarcely believed I might have access to. In this way I was able to process some personal issues through to their earliest instances as I remembered, and though it was a spiritually rewarding journey, the ride was sometimes bumpy. In these states I would often talk animatedly to myself, and offer open prayers and love to the individuals I stumbled upon along my quest.

What I found with 4HO was that the higher doses allowed me period of intense personal honesty shortly after the most intense phase of the peak. I could also experience something similar with 4AcO-DMT but with psilocin the process seems more raw and uncompromising. 4AcO allows a slightly more euphoric angle on these kinds of investigations.

I had been nursing the idea of getting another gram of 4AcO but was resisting on account of its high price. I have a sealed gram which I will not start unless I aquire more. I thought I would hold off AcO and use my psilocin. I intended to go high and took 80mg. This was bearing in mind a suspected loss of potency, and I wanted to definitely go above 50mg active material, my previous upper maximium. I washed it down with a cup of tea on top of a bowl of cereal and a sausage roll. I then went off to tinker with my guitar until the time would arrive that I should have to put it aside.

I had tangerine essential oil vaporising on the sill of the bay window in my front lounge. Bright spring sunshine crept slowly around the front of the house and began to pour in through the net curtain. The sofa opposite me lay in the path of the beam as it crept along. I had put down my guitar and was beginning to roll a joint while keeping an eye on this play of light and warmth, expecting maybe twenty minutes grace in which to roll up and make another cuppa. However these tasks became increasingly complicated by the rapid onset.

I have been hitting DMT on a moderately frequent basis recently, on an off which has given me many very interesting experiences of phenomena which are quite outlandish and intriguing. The rapid nature of vaporising in terms of onset and duration is key to my frustration. I wanted to have a simillar experience but with a more gradual onset, longer peak and taper. As I brewed my tea and ambled up to my bed I felt a DMT like buzzing energy building from deep within my body, bringing with it a swarming wave of distortion over my vision. It did closely resemble aspects of the DMT onset in slow motion. I clumsily kicked off my trainers and fashioned a snug bivouac from my duvets from which I could face whatever my mind threw at me this time.

For a few minutes I curled up tightly in the fetal position, conscious of feeling flashes of cold. I could feel my fingers and toes throbbing and perceived (perhaps inaccurately) that between the joints were swolen and tight. Some of the physiological effects were quite noticeable but I tended to accept them and they passed. I pictured the sausage roll as passing through a bend in my intestinal plumbing. There was slight nausea, but no throwing up. My minds eye was being filled by a three dimensional grid of square columns moving up an down towards me. The faces and squares were coloured in graduated hues from black for the furthest, through blue, purple, red orange to red.

It danced in front of me in sympathy with a strange rhythmical organic mechanic type of music which seemed to impart a kind of urgent vibrance to me. Sometimes this kind of episode appears to be a kind of entity contact. Whether or not it is in any sense 'real' or not is not something I can shed any more light on than the many more eloquent or radical commentators have done in the past. What I do know is that in these situations, there appears to be an element of continuity which is almost graspable, with which oddly coherent interaction is sometimes possible. By alotting the concept of entity to the phenomena it gives a kind of framework with which to interpret it. You can dance with it, become completely absorbed into its matrix or scenario. Whether it is as the reductionist might suggest, and this is all taking place inside your imaginational arena, or something more mystical does not detract from the exuberant crazy joy of the experience.

I became conscious of three different levels or parts to my mind, each occupied with its own avenue of attention consecutively. One, as I have described, was engaged with the entity. The next was processing ideas of love and its connection to reality, drawing on theological themes and deep emotions relating to my family and loved ones. The third level was another visually orientated scenario. My conscious viewpoint became located within the theoretical space of my imagination. It had migrated back from my eyes to somewhere near the back of my skull.

A vast arena of darkness opened up Tardis like around my point of being. Within this space a diagramatical animated structure resembling my nervous system began to assemble itself before me. It was a peculiar mixture of organic and electronic components pulsing and flashing in sympathy with the buzzing auditory hallucinations I experienced. It was brightly coloured with various shades of grey, red and purple, including some metalic sheens, and I watched as the structures grew from the primitive mid and base brain regions up to the higher cortex. Representations of the optic nerves sprouted busily forward and eyes budded out from their projection (funny looking object - the eyeball). This was a very vivid hallucination and I was filled with a sense of the beauty and joy of human potential.

I thanked the Lordy for being permitted to witness such an incredible vision and couldn't help vocalising with the odd 'wow' or a giggle. Often I perceive something familliar about the breakthrough experience, despite it being so extraordinary. It is as though a part of our minds already know about this form of conscious existence in some way. I remember thinking at the time that it felt like such a natural way to be, like a logical extension of the minds nature in a form of virtual reality. I reasoned that these phenomena would likely be harnessed in some kind of future technology and that I was glimpsing some approximation along these lines. This sequence evolved around me in detailed CGI style resolution, with myself author, director and actor and viewer all at once.

As the vivid mind machine completed itself, I began to follow patterns of signals along its complex channels. I traced the strongest flows along their conduits to a nodal point of intersection which I intuitively read as the location of my serotoninergic nerve cells. As this thought formed there was a sudden flash and audible pulse or 'puff' sound, like a camera flash.

After that I was fairly uncertain of events for a good few minutes. The previous scenarios were pushed aside by a heavier and more involving episode from which my conscious mind has only fragmentary recall. I was still on the upward arc of the trip. What had gone before was observed and engaged fully consciously, then entered into memory, unlike the following phase. There was a directional orientation to what proceded. My mind was centrally located in the room, but to my upper left a large complex of fuzzy energetic visualisation extended diagonally upwards obscuring the join between the wall and ceiling.

I remember shimmering white meshes of tangled structure forming a cave like entrance through which I was glimpsing something. I describe this based on my thoughts that formed after the main course of the episode had passed, because for most of the time I was part of this event, but not directly conscious of it. My mind was subsumed in the activity and I felt almost no individuation from it for quite some time. The absolute peak phase must have begun to ease because gradually certain levels of awarenes returned to me, piecemeal over the next few minutes. I realised I was rhythmically vocalising with odd 'mmm's and 'aaaah's. I was aware enough to realise this but not resist the urge to continue.

Part of my mind flashed a look to my right where the blurred but recognisable window was now lit with a warm comforting beam of sunshine. But then back to the strange exchange again. I had not really got a handle on what it was or how to decipher it. At one point it appeared to be portal like, and through its strange conduit I sensed some kind of activity going on concerning maybe three shimmering pastel hued flames. Some part of me construed them to be playing or fooling around, though in what way I have no idea. I then sensed that they detected my attention, and they began to hurriedly disperse or conceal what had been happening. It was as though I had witnessed something that they perhaps did not want me to see.

I felt a little disturbed, but not unduly worried. I wondered how long I had been ensnared in this episode since sense of time had been lost in the main, along with sense of self. I calmly wondered if this was a glimpse of pure madness, and how long one should wait in such circumstances before allowing the authorities to cart one off in a straight jacket. The vision was still partially present, and I imagined them having to remove me, the vision and the attached room, on the back of a lorry for the shrinks to expertly disentangle. This gave me some amusement at the thought.

The next phase was still very intense and it was only about 11.45am. It was flavoured predominantly by an electric sizzling sound and energy, along with metalic silver colours and textures which brought to mind the foil used to wrap around space hardware or on sateillites. The were expanses of pannels and gantries in my minds eye, some embossed with a stylised effigy of the mind machine I had witnessed. The structure recalled to mind the great solar arrays on the ISS in high orbit above earth. The theme of human potential again. At times the sounds and energy levels were almost uncomfortable, and I tried various positions and breathing regimens before finally settling into bodily and mental equilibrium. This allowed the energies to fly around my body like a racetrack. It was exhiliarating and I was beginning to feel more control over the trip.

I relaxed a bit and slouched back on my bed for a while. Around me the duvet formed a kind of ampitheatre over which I pictured strange foil coloured fish sprawled as if in audience to me. I began to witter some nonsense to them, along the lines of a speech in which I thanked the verb 'To be' without whom none of this would have been possible. My speech rambled on for a while, interupted by my chuckling from time to time. For some reason also, the phrase 'If there's sommut shun't be done it's a shame' gave me a laugh. Don't blame me, I'm just telling what happened!

I sparked my joint now having begun to calm down a bit. By 1230 I was nearly functional again, even if a little clumsy on foot. The joint served to stir things up again, but through the filter of that always forgiving hazy smoke it was all manageable. I went downstairs again to put some music on. The lounge was warm and beautiful. I looked again at the sofa in the bay window. I have a Shipibo woven sheet over it in dark red/brown with exquisitely detailed embroidry in black and red, and it was a vision of splendour. I wished my sweet p was reclining on it in her birthday suit. The scene would have been delicious.

There was a long afterglow lasting until maybe 7pm. I was gratefull no one phoned because I was still quite altered. I spent much time ruminating on the circumstances of my loved ones and my relationships, evaluating my behaviour and motives along with those of others. A deeply personal time of assessment and integration. Later I did a few chores around the house and picked at my guitar, before putting the Beatles Magical Mystery Tour LP on.

Psilocin is not as forgiving in some ways as 4AcO. I sense that it is more personally challenging in terms of emotional work. I still marvel at the concepr of love and compassion when under its influence, but I also sense sometimes darker elements akin to the possibility of a cold ambivalent reality. I also experience a range of emotionally intense investigation in relation to myself and others, but with a scrupulous sense of honesty. This is sometimes disturbing but always rewarding. Whether love is merely a creation of the human mind or something built in to the fundamental nature of reality, 4HO and other psychedelics can reinvigorate my hope and faith in its working in people and the world.

The kind of mindspace which psilocin opens up is different from that of 4-AcO-DMT and DMT. There is a close kinship, but psilocin tend to cause deeper realisations of a personal nature. The visual phenomena are often not quite as colourful but every bit as vivid. Both visual and emotional activity is more raw, perhaps even brutally so, and yet still beautiful and detailed.

I would notice tears flowing at various points during trips on all these substances. Not sad or melancholy, but often accompanying moments of intense transcendence, sublimity or emotion. They seem to be tears of healing and joy.

The physiological and psychological effects profile of psilocin is a very special mixture for me. My experience reminded me of a few things. Its potential depth is enormous in terms of personal and emotional work. Yes it can allow entity contact type experiences along kindred lines with 4AcO and plain DMT, but if it's these kind of experiences I am seeking, they are probably the best route for this. To me, psilocin has a sacred or spiritual level a little more Old Testament in its unpredictability and potential wrath, while the former are a bit more euphoric and easier to grapple with.

I may be asking for trouble by stating this, but these simillar substances feel pretty comfortable to me. I mean that I enjoy pushing higher doses and am have built up a familliarity with what they can do on some level. This does not mean I am not still astounded and amazed by what transpires, but I have got quite good at keeping my wits about me and staying calm. Part of me really enjoys putting myself a the mercy of the tremendous power that can be accessed, and in this frame of mind I more readily accept what is shown to me without getting to existentially wobbly.

I am looking at various ways to break through with more time available in the zone. Higher doses of 4AcO-DMT or psilocin are the most adept tools to achieve this. However I have also experimented with 300mg moclobemide and oral DMT with varying success. I find that real breakthrough is harder in this way because the onset of the DMT is slower and less dramatic. Some entity type phenomena were noted but though longer lasting than just vaped DMT would allow, they lacked some of the dynamic intensity of the other options. I have yet to try vaping DMT on top of moclobemide. This is an alluring possibility since the onset would be dramatically rapid and the peak perhapsof longer duration. I also wondered about moclobemide inconjunction with a 4sub-DMT dose, although I find the duration of these substances alright as it is.

The dosage of the above described trip is not recommended. I have worked up slowly over 2-3 years to it with a dabble once every six months. It is a pleasant and somewhat humbling surprise to find the psilocin so potent after such long storage. Between times I have used several different materials including 2c, DOM (once in the last year), methylone, DMT and my eternal addiction - weed. I am certain there is a cross tolerance between these substances and modulating this experience. I made up my mind to buy another gram of 4AcO and start the gram I had kept in reserve, so that I could make my psilocin last a few more years yet.

Peace + Love - Pipp

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 84332
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 36 
Published: Oct 5, 2010Views: 30,082
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), General (1)

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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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