Citation: ye-pirate. "I Was Having Some Serious Anxiety: An Experience with MDMA & Bupropion (exp84356)". Erowid.org. Mar 22, 2017. erowid.org/exp/84356
MDMA and Anxiety
A little background, I started taking 150 mg of Wellbutrin daily to treat my depression a few weeks before this experience. I had taken MDMA before this (not much though), most recently being (a few months prior) a red equals roll. This MDMA experience was much different than my others though. I have always taken MDMA with other drugs (LSD, Xanax, Heroin), so I had never felt anxiety while rolling for this reason I believe.
Class got out at 12:00 this day, and two of my friends (D and J) would also be rolling with me. They took the pills (capsules filled with MDMA powder) at 11:00. I took mine at 11:25. D texted me during class at 11:40 and told me he was already rolling. J started to roll at 11:50.
At around 11:55 I started to notice very slight euphoria, and I started to become very talkative. The bell rang at 12:00 and I quickly met up with D and J and we headed straight to J's house. The slight euphoria was still present, and some mild nervousness. Both J and D were rolling hard at this point (12:10). We got to J's house at 12:15 and I still just had a simple euphoria. We sat around listening to music for about 20 minutes and I still felt nothing. I started to jump around a little bit to get my blood flowing.
This is when I started feeling heavier anxiety and I began to feel slightly nauseous. I decided to go to the bathroom. I waited in there until the anxiety subsided. I told myself that I was just thinking too much about when it would kick in. The anxiety and nausea eventually subsided, and as I walked out of the bathroom at about 12:45 I started to feel a more intense euphoria. I walked into to J's room and D said we should all go get some food. I walked quickly down the steps to the kitchen and I felt a lot happier and much more content. I started to clench my jaw. I grabbed some food and we quickly returned upstairs. At 12:50 I started to roll. I laid down next to D and we started to talk about anything and everything. We put on some relaxing music and I started to roll face (1:00). I laid back and felt wave after wave of euphoria wash over me.
At 1:20 I noticed something was wrong. I started to feel very uncomfortable around J and D. I told them I'd be right back and I headed to the bathroom. This was my peak. I felt the anxiety rise up to a most uncomfortable level.
I felt the anxiety rise up to a most uncomfortable level.
I wasn't having a panic attack, but I was having some serious anxiety. I leaned over the toilet as if ready to puke. I told myself that I just had too much and that it was only a drug and that I'd be ok, but nothing was helping. I tried to talk to my girlfriend but it wasn't helping. I splashed warm water on my face but it didn't help either. I felt trapped, contained, and the anxiety was only getting worse. I began to feel seriously claustrophobic. The bathroom was like a prison but it was the only place that I could go to help me calm down. I sat on the toilet now. Anxiety washed over me and I felt helpless, and for a moment I felt suicidal. J knocked on the door at 1:30 and asked me if I was ok and said that he and D miss me. I said I'd be fine I just needed to be alone. D texted me at 1:40 and told me to come to J's room, he told me I'd be ok and that he'd rub my back to make me feel better. I said I just had to wait it out.
I sat in there for 10 more minutes and the anxiety slowly faded away. I suddenly felt amazing. I looked around the bathroom and thought about how I just felt. I shook it off and quickly returned to J's room. They were still rolling hard and I was as well. I laid next to D again and we played some music and we all talked. We eventually went outside and we rode the roll out there.
From here to the end I was very comfortable and content, the anxiety didn't return. I got home at 4:30 and the effects had completely faded. The anxiety quickly set in. I sat in bed and I couldn't calm down. I sat there until 5:30 and the anxiety wouldn't go away. I took a Xanax at 5:45 and it calmed me down. I fell asleep at woke up at 7:45. The Xanax held the anxiety at bay. I fell back asleep and awoke the next day feeling pretty depressed but the anxiety was not there.
That night I thought back to how I felt during my peak and anxiety started to wash over me. I kept thinking about the peak until I felt no more anxiety. The next day I felt slightly depressed but the anxiety was gone for the most part. I don't believe the Wellbutrin caused my anxiety because I have felt anxiety during the peak before, but only for a very short while, and the other drugs (heroin and xanax) most likely killed the anxiety I would have felt. I don't plan on using MDMA much anymore.
MDMA can be serious business, so please fellow users, be safe.
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