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Longterm Effects on Female Emotions
MDMA (Ecstasy)
Citation:   Miss Madelyn. "Longterm Effects on Female Emotions: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp84403)". Erowid.org. Nov 30, 2017. erowid.org/exp/84403

 
DOSE:
  repeated oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
BODY WEIGHT: 103 lb
Longterm Ecstasy Effects on Female Emotions

I began taking ecstasy when I was 19 in 2008. I would use it every weekend or every other weekend for a few months at a time, hold off for a couple months and then continue use for a few months again. I have been doing this on and off since then, taking at least two to three doses each time. So, 40-60 doses.

The most I have ever taken at once was five and a half doses. Only once did I take a supposed speed based dosage. The experience sent me through waves of anxiety and two of my fingers were compulsively twitching for hours.

After maybe three to five months of first taking ecstasy I have noticed drastic changes in my moods and my ability to accomplish somewhat simple tasks. Watching particular dramatic or romantic scenes from almost any movie besides a comedy makes me want to burst into tears. Watching the news or hearing that someone is sick or has passed away sends me into waves of depression lasting the entire day. Before my ecstasy usage, I was the type of person that did not like to show emotion in front of people, would not often cry, and if I did, I would like to do it in private. Now, after ecstasy, I do not have the ability to hold in my emotions like I once did. I get offended extremely easily, I often feel a strong sense of paranoia, and my mind feels somewhat blank at times.
I get offended extremely easily, I often feel a strong sense of paranoia, and my mind feels somewhat blank at times.


After several uses of ecstasy, once, just an hour before I was going to take a dosage I became extremely nervous and paranoid just at the thought of taking and experiencing the ecstasy. The anticipation of wanting to just “pop” the pill already made my stomach feel sick exactly like after I take a dose of ecstasy, when it starts to upset my stomach a little, just before it starts to affect my mind. I find myself having to take deep breaths and try relaxing right before I take a dose of ecstasy now because the thought of doing it does make my breathing change and makes my heart beat heavily.

Before my ecstasy usage, when I would drink alcohol I would always enjoy myself and would always be rather high in spirits. Now, after ecstasy, when I get to the stage of being “drunk” off of alcohol, the littlest negative occurrence happens that “sets me off” and I become extremely violent and anxious and become very confused with the situation. Nothing like this has ever happened to me while drinking alcohol before my ecstasy usage.

I have been a marijuana user before ecstasy, but now when I smoke I become extremely anxious, even more so if I smoke alone. At times when I try to go to sleep while after smoking marijuana, I cant help but focus on the beating of my heart and it makes me very paranoid because I assume it is beating much too fast. Smoking marijuana before I ever used ecstasy would always relax me and allow me to fall asleep easily.

I have noticed that eating too many sweets throughout the day makes it more likely for me to be depressed and moody. If I eat very healthily at least in the morning, the more likely I am to be happy and calm throughout the day. I have come to the realization that the only way the emotional aftermath of my ecstasy usage may subside is an extremely strict healthy diet and exercise regimen. I seek to find a new “high” through exercise and a healthy lifestyle. I crave to feel happy and carefree and I feel that if I continue to use ecstasy as often as I do those emotions will be drained from me.

Exp Year: 2008-2010ExpID: 84403
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Nov 30, 2017Views: 1,098
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MDMA (3) : Unknown Context (20), Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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