DOSE:

100 - 600 ug

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

100 kg

I am a 27 year old male, living near the sea in Holland. I surf, study philosophy and practice yoga. From the age of 16 till the age of 25 I have been heavily addicted to weed. There have also been times of intense MDMA usage. After quitting the ganjah, I found myself turning to other things. First the occasional mushrooms. I had always been interested in LSD, but frankly speaking it scared the hell out of me. After a load of mushroom trips however I felt like I was ready for it.

The first time was amazing! It was so crystal clear. It also did not have this filthy bodyload I always got on shrooms. For a period of a year and a half I dropped acid every six weeks or so. I had bought a partial sheet of blotters with Maya calendar symbols on it, each containing about 200 micrograms of LSD. I know this for a fact because I had them tested at our government sponsored drugtesting laboratory. That probably sounds crazy to a lot of people but it’s true.

My first dose had been about a 100 micrograms and I had been slowly working up to about 200 micrograms. I never had any really bad experiences and I was feeling very comfortable with my ability to handle the trip. Never was I more wrong!

Now to that fateful evening (and night, morning, day and another night). I was all set up with movies, food and an empty house. I have six housemates and I like some privacy on my trips. I was feeling confident and excited, maybe even a bit apprehensive, but that’s normal. I had not eaten anything for at least six hours, as I prefer to start the trip on an empty stomach. I dropped the first at seven o’clock in the evening.

T 0: Took approximately 150 micrograms, and started watching a movie.

T + 2:00: The movie was becoming very strange and difficult to follow. Finished the movie and started listening to some music. It all becomes very vague from here on, but I will try and give as accurate a description as possible.

T + 2:30 – 6:00: During more lucid moments I took small walks to the fridge where I proceeded to cut blotters in half and eat the pieces. The time in between I mostly spend lying on the floor of my room listening to music. The ceiling had turned into an open vista of the universe. I was lying on my back, using my hands and arms in front of my face to move according to the music. At one point my left hand turned into a guitar with strings of energy connecting my fingertips. I used my right hand to pluck the strings and create divine music. I was having a blast! I discovered the true nature of time and send a friend a text message telling him so. I gained the power to manipulate empty space and must have spent at least a couple of hours bending space time between my hands. It was becoming difficult to separate what I was hearing from what I was thinking, and there were moments where I was beginning to lose track of who I was.

T + 7:00: Decided I wanted to go outside for a walk. It must have been about two hours after I dropped the last piece of LSD paper. Later I deducted by the number of missing stamps that I had consumed three in total, bringing the amount of LSD up to about 600 micrograms. Being outside felt great. I started walking but found this to be quite an undertaking. After taking forever to reach the end of the street I was starting to feel unsettled. It was becoming very difficult to determine where exactly I was, where the street was going and what the hell I was thinking going out in the first place. I turned around and started walking back. It was taking even longer to make the return trip and I must confess there were some moments of slight panic.

T + 7:15: Sitting in my big chair trying to chill the fuck out. I was trying to focus on my breathing. Something I also do in my yoga and meditation practice. At first it worked like a charm, and I was beginning to calm down.

T + 7:30: I guess this is when the last LSD kicked in. I was just sitting in my chair looking at some small dragon sculptures standing on my hanging CD rack, when suddenly things started to get really weird. For a moment it was as if the air around me turned into solid blocks, sliding over and around me. The structure of the world was really turning into something my mind was not really able to handle. I have had some intense Salvia trips and this was quite similar. A sensation of reality so weird and unmanageable, that it leaves you cursing the person who pulled this nasty trick on you. At this point I was really starting to freak out. I was losing my sense of self and there were moments where I was just this breathing entity.

T + 9:00: I felt like a knot had formed in my mind and no matter how hard I tried to untie it, I would go deeper and deeper. I was having these recurring thoughts of things turning in on themselves indefinitely. It was like my brain could only thinks in loops. I was beginning to think I had pushed it too far this time, and was beginning to get these visions of me staying in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. I wrote a letter to my girlfriend in case I would never be able to have a normal conversation again. I wrote of all my fears and how I loved her and did not want to lose her. Crying, I just poured my heart out in these pages long letter.

T + 11:00 Things where starting to calm down a bit. I think I ate something and watched another movie. The thought loops where still bothering me though.

T + 13:00: How long is this going to last? I am still a mental wreck. No matter how hard I try my mind just will not untie itself.

T + 15:00: I must have really fucked up this time! I have permanent brain damage!

T + 17:00 I just want it to stop. I am so tired. Every time I close my eyes I see a field of white with a big square of absolute darkness, twisting and turning around. It feels like a perpetuum mobile has locked itself in my brain. It is made out of two marbles just ticking each other around in never-ending circles.

T + 24:00: Still no improvement! I have a moment of extreme awkwardness as I am in the kitchen making myself a sandwich, and my next-door neighbor is there as well. She is with a friend from school and I am walking around in my bathrobe and a messed up brain. Somehow I cause her to hit the refrigerator door and almost fall. Did I mention they are both really young and from these little villages out in the country. I could practically slice the awkwardness. Later on they brought me their leftover supper though, that was really nice.

T + 30:00 I have gone to bed but cannot sleep, still the thought loops and the scary black square. I am starting to freak out again as acid is not supposed to take this long. I am beginning to understand why people would kill themselves when they are tripping. The thought of having to spend the rest of my life like this is enough to make me cry again, and again. It is also really scary, and I keep telling myself it will eventually pass. I would give anything for this to stop. I just want my mind back.

T + 34:00: Ok it is now almost 36 hours after I took the first hit. I am still tripping hard. This has gone on for long enough. I decide to go to the hospital. I read that people usually get some tranquilizer. That is what I need as well! I tell myself I just need to sleep and everything will be fine.

T + 34:30 I arrived at the first aid station and told them what happened. Immediately I start getting these nasty looks. The nurse guy connects me to a heart monitor and leaves. As it turns out the thing is broken and he goes and gets another one. My heart rate is very high but not dangerously so. A doctor comes by and I tell him the entire story. He says his first concern is finding out if I have taken an overdose. I tell him that is not the case, but that I think my mind is damaged or something. He tells me that it sometimes happens when you take LSD. I know that, that is why I am so freaked out! What it comes down to eventually is that it is all my fault, he is not going to give me any diazepam, if I still feel unwell the next day I should go and see my physician. After asking me If I have any suicidal tendencies, I tell him that I do but that I know it and that I will not act on it. He tells me to call somebody to look after me and sends me on my way.

T + 35:00: I call my girlfriend, and ask her if I can come over. Keep in mind it is now somewhere around 6 o’clock in the morning. Off course I can come over, and after a very emotional reunion I quickly calm down. I have given her the letter to read and am lying in her bed watching rainbow fractals on the ceiling.

T + 36:00: I fall asleep!

T + 39:00: I wake up. I can still see strange colors and patterns on the wall. The thought loops have not completely disappeared either, but I can sleep.

T + 39:00 – 46:00: I sleep short intervals, get up in the end of the afternoon and feel much better. We go to a yoga class.

For weeks after I have these moments of fear and returning thought loops. It is now 6 months later and I think I have recovered almost completely. Haven’t taken any drugs since, but am starting to develop the itch again. The whole experience did bring me and my girlfriend closer together. I have also regained an enormous amount of respect for the drug. I became arrogant and got my ass kicked, and I mean kicked! Now that I look back on it, I think that a sitter would have probably made a big difference. When you are spiraling into your own world of darkness and misery, it can really help to talk to somebody.

In the end I was just so glad to be alive and healthy; I started working really hard in college and making all sorts of big plans for my future. I guess it was not all bad, but it was definitely an experience I never hope to repeat.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 84603
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: Oct 1, 2022	Views: 872
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