Citation: Synchronist. "The Pinnacle of Self Deception: An Experience with MDPV (exp84640)". Erowid.org. Apr 2, 2010. erowid.org/exp/84640
Experienced with multiple psychedelics and my fair share of opiates and stimulants also. First off for those who don't know, MDPV is a very strong stimulant on the research chemical market. This first report of mine is a look at the drug as a whole after one week of use and mainly being typed as a warning. Purely subjective effects as with any trip-report.
Last week I received a package in the mail containing 500mg of this stuff along with some other substances from a company in Thailand. I read quite a bit about it on the internet and was intrigued at the strength of a legal substance I could easily get. Also it is EXTREMELY cheap for how powerful it is. I initially planned on using it as a study-aid for college as my grades were falling behind. I didn't have a scale to measure doses but have experience with eyeballing in sub-milligram range. My ROA included vaporization, insuffocation, and plugging.
Dosage and Effects: MDPV is active at very very small doses. I started by insuffocating a speck of powder that could fit on a pin head and was considerably stimulated and awakened by it. Not so much euphoria but just a slight nootropic effect which helped me in my job. The comedown was subtle with only a decrease in mood. I overcame my desire to redose while I kept in mind what I read about redosing causing sleep problems.
The real problems came when I started dosing in the morning. My days are pretty over-scheduled so waking up knowing I'll be going all day at two jobs and school makes usually takes a bit of effort. MDPV was what I turned to every morning I had it. It feels great to do a small bump and jump in the shower. Repeating my robotic morning routine was a breeze and the first cigarette of the day was love. Unfortunately the comedown would come fairly quickly, maybe an hour after using it. The first few mornings I did too much and felt like shit after coming down. Still had residual stimulation which helped with my job and school but my mindset was still very much under the weather and had to force myself to do what I had to do. I had kratom which really helped ease this and mellowed me out. The first few mornings I abstained from taking the MDPV with me so I wouldn't become a jittery mess by redosing throughout the day.
By about the third or fourth day I began taking it with me as I had a test in two of my classes. MDPV is an amazing drug to study with. I would grind for hours in the night catching up on the last few weeks of school. Retention of the material came very very easy when I took the tests on MDPV. The problem I now see with all this was that while on MDPV, my distorted mind had a HUGE grip over my actions. I was forcing myself to do EVERYTHING because I knew it had to be done. I turned into a overclocked human being running on the software the system has setup for me. I usually try and balance a somewhat spiritual life with my routine by working out and doing meditation daily. All this came to a halt when I got a hold of the Kratom and MDPV. They sadly became an excuse to abstain from these actions. I felt great so long as I was taking the drugs so I felt no need to waste my time working out or sitting. My true self which depends on a balanced life of friends, family, health, among other needs was starting to deteriorate. I began to get a real bad case of monkey mind which began running on automatic and had a huge grip over my body. It tried to control anything and everything in sight so I could indulge in the highs which were taking me lower and lower.
Completely oblivious to my self-destruction, I was constantly making excuses to do it 'one more time'. By the weekend I was on MDPV/Kratom all day. I was no longer stuck in my weekly routine. Self-indulgence began early and ended a bit into the morning hours. Forced sleep upon myself with OTC sleep meds. I began to alienate myself which sucks big time while coming down and thinking there is nothing really left to life besides another high. Rock bottom was hit tonight with this stuff and flushed what I had left down the stool in hopes of never trapping myself within myself again.
Warnings on the compulsive nature of MDPV are plastered all over the internet. In my head, I thought I knew how to keep it under control. About a half hour ago I flushed my remaining amount of MDPV down the toilet. I have quite a bit of experience with using drugs but nothing in my life can compare to the self-control corrosion I experienced the past week except maybe meth or crack. This reminds me of the one week I had a small amount of meth. Don't get me wrong though, it's a superb stimulant which has a smooth and subtle euphoria. It is a major catalyst for the symbolic part of myself. I could read, think, talk, and remember things extremely well under the influence. I FLEW through my tests in class knowing I got a great score. But like many great drugs there is a dark side and MDPV, for me released a demon which I found puppeteering myself for its own sick enjoyment. I recall reading a post on the internet that goes something like 'Choose to abuse MDPV and it will abuse you'. I urge anyone who has this drug to keep that in mind. If you have any intention at all to abuse this or are one of those who enjoys long hedonistic pursuits, MDPV will most likely get the best of you.
I never thought I would flush a drug but through honest self-dialogue I knew it was for the best, not even worth trying to keep around for studying. I shudder inside thinking about what it can do to myself and others. It would have been very nice to keep around for studying but the compulsive nature is truly INSANE.
My recommended precautions for MDPV experimentation: Write a contract for yourself to abide by. Grab a piece of paper and while being completely honest with yourself write out your exact intentions for using it and commit yourself 100% to abiding by it. Also due to the uncontrollable nature of it, write out steps you should take if you find yourself not sticking to your pledge. If you break the pledge, you will truly know it isn't you in control any longer and you should brace yourself for a stroll through your own Chapel Perilous with MDPV as your new god. Consider yourself warned. Myself like many others must experience this form of hell to learn from it. I only pray you learn quickly to minimize the damage you do to yourself and those around you.
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