Citation: Lasers. "Profound Personality Change: An Experience with Methylphenidate, Mirtazapine, Modafinil, Sertraline & Selegiline (exp84683)". Erowid.org. Jul 15, 2015. erowid.org/exp/84683
I've never been too fond of drugs for purely recreation use. Most experiences of the kind strike me as dramatically immature and/or self-destructive. I've nothing against that: if people want to self-destruct or be immature, they should be allowed to do so, as long as they leave alone others. It's just not for me.
I've always been interested in psychotropic drugs for their potential to change one's own personality.
You see, I've always been a quiet, introverted, somewhat brooding and frankly misanthropic guy. During college I noticed that these innate temperamental tendencies of mine were worsening to the point that finally last year they were heavily interfering with my academic work in the lab. That is unacceptable, so the urgency to improve certain traits of my personality grew to emergency status.
Fortunately, I've experimented for several years (basically ever since I turned 19) with psychotropic drugs and I can tell I've finally found the aptest combination for the 'cosmetic pharmacology' (if you will) of my personality.
Unsustainably powerful substances, like cocaine or heroin, have never attracted me. They cannot possibly be taken regularly in order to stably change yourself. You can either take them for occasional exhilaration, or take them often and self-destruct. I sometime wonder whether most cocaine users are really just depressed people who would fare much better off on regular antidepressants, but don't ever get diagnosed and thus properly treated.
Anyway. Since I'd read that SSRIs are known to strengthen 'social resilience' I decided to try one of them. I settled for sertraline, because it's got the least potential for drug interactions and it also slightly inhibit the dopamine transporter. I then went on to add mirtazapine in order to counteract SSRIs' typical side effects, and exploit its antidepressant synergy with sertraline.
After about 1 month, I definitely noticed a change. I not only felt unusually happy (unsurprisingly), but also was (and still am) much more 'open' with people: I'm friendly, confident, sometimes even kind to those around me (which is VERY uncharacteristic of me). I can finally stand people for extended periods of time, even (miraculously) my fellow students in the lab. That's already a huge relief and a much needed improvement, which happened somewhat rapidly, and was therefore promptly noticed by others.
The side effects I got then were minor and far outweighted by the benefits. I suffered of frequent heartburns and my hunger increased dramatically. That's actually fine since I've a very fast metabolism and was skinny to begin with. The only problems that really kept bothering me were constant fatigue and sleepiness. So I added low dose selegiline+ritalin (they potentiate each other) to my daily regimen, and modafinil as well as needed. These latter three substances totally abolished daytime fatigue, and endowed me with an energetic streak I still cherish the most among all gifts neuropharmacology has given me. Moreover I noticed an increase in motivation, intellectual prowess and verbal fluency (for instance, I found I can effortlessly speak in verses during regular conversations).
To sum up, I'm been taking the 5 drugs listed above daily for 4 months. I managed to pick them so that they largely abolish each other's negative effects, while potentiating each other's positive return. My personality definitely changed, for the better. I can assess it myself quite clearly, besides constantly receiving enthusiastic feedback about it from those I work and live with. They're much satisfied and so am I. Little do they know such a change is far from 'natural'.
My experience has been and keeps on being overwhelmingly positive. I'm so happy ultimately that science has provided us with so many tools to improve ourselves, to increase our ration control over not only outer reality, but our innermost nature as well. The chance to better our life is out there for us to catch.
The more readily one realizes that fact, the more absurd and desperate do they look all those reports about people snorting 100-200 mg ritalin and then complaining about catastrophic consequences. There are simpler ways to commit suicide, ways that do not draw discredit to drugs per se. They're not dangerous. People are.
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