Citation: NaggyJ. "Nothing is Permanent / Everything is Eternal: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp85125)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2010. erowid.org/exp/85125
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 1:00
||(powder / crystals)
At 10:15AM, the sweet buzzing of my phone made possible a rare occurrence: a peaceful transition into a new day after a full night's sleep. C, a close friend and experienced psychonaut, waited patiently for me on the other end while I gathered myself. C and I planned this day trip in hopes of spending some quality time together in the wilderness while under the influence of 4-AcO-DMT. Two 10mg doses were weighed on a +/-.001 scale and placed in capsules for safekeeping; I gathered the rest of my belongings and hopped on the subway. C and I rendezvoused an hour later and drove to our destination. After arriving, we ate lunch and triple checked for all necessary gear. Spirits were high and the weather was beautiful. I couldn’t have asked for more.
After a short trek through the woods in search of a suitable location, C and I came upon the site of choice: a beautiful bed of rocks littered with moss and other interesting fauna surrounded by a sea of endless trees. Preparation began. 4aco was acquired from a trusted source almost 6 months prior and has been stored in a cool, dry location in an airtight container. Because IV 4aco reports are a bit lacking, C and I decided to begin trials with approximately 5mgs each. Even though I am an experienced substance (ab)user, I am still a novice to the needle. Save for a single 5mg 2C-I session, my IV experience is effectively nonexistent.
T +0:00 10mg was dissolved in water and split between the two of us. Tolerance is a non-issue; it’s been a few weeks since either of us has tripped.
The effects were instantaneous, beginning in the middle of my skull, a cool wave of energy flowed down my neck and into my chest. I took a few deep breaths and allowed my perspective of the forest to follow my teacher’s directions. I scanned my surroundings as the familiar visual effects took hold of the plant life around me. Colors brightened as rich, organic texture seeped into every crevice of my visual field. Most of all, I could hear what I was seeing, auditory amplification was distinctly present. As these events unfolded, I closely studied the forest around me: it’s breathing was rhythmic and its presence powerful. And to think I almost forgot why I love 4aco so much!
After integrating these new aspects of reality into my trip, I expressed a desire to utilize a magnifying glass. C felt there was no need as everything around us was definitively more ‘crisp’ and ‘clear.’ Although I wasn’t completely satisfied, I conceded to her conviction (this becomes important later).
+0:05 C and I easily settled into our new shoes; fueled by a particularly clear and collected headspace, conversation flowed effortlessly. Following the guidance of earlier discussion, the main topic of conversation found grounding in interpersonal relationships. C related certain emotional qualities that have always been foreign to her: jealousy, hatred, greed. In an attempt to better grasp and build relationships, C felt the need to ‘teach herself’ how to feel these emotions. I wasn’t a fan of the idea and in response to her stated goals, I attempted to deconstruct and trace the history of these emotions in the human experience. Is the ability to hate an inherent quality to the human race? That wasn’t an affirmation I was willing to accept.
**Based on further reflection and discussion of instinctual arousal of fear in humans I no longer support this conclusion.**
+0:25 Following the assumption that such negative emotions are not in fact inherent to the human experience, I could not overlook the question staring me in the face: where do these emotions find base? In order to exist, negativity must stem from a preexisting emotion that gives it life. In searching for the answer, I was directed towards childhood; what does a child yearn for more than anything? For me, the only answer that makes logical and rational sense is love. As a side note, I must state that this is not the sort of love in which two entities are attracted to one another for their respective qualities; the love I am speaking of is one that is fueled by confusion, amazement, and surrender. A child does not know how to hate or be jealous until they are taught to do so: it’s an acquired taste. As a result, I told C that her apparent ‘lack’ of emotion was actually an admirable quality. She should be grateful for her inability to hold a grudge: negativity is hard work.
+0:45 As C spoke, I found myself in a state of wonder and admiration as I looked deep into her eyes, I realized how lucky I was to be able to share this experience with such an amazing individual. Gratitude filled my heart with beams of light and love.
+1:00 While I was very much enjoying the space we were in, I knew we could go comfortably further. More exploration was required. The second 10mg capsule was prepped for injection. Moments before the dose was administered, my concentration was disrupted by a question asked by C and as I began to respond, I realized that the dose had already been administered. Without warning, an intense rush of vibrations engulfed my body.
My skin felt rubbery and foreign. C’s voice was difficult to understand. I started to giggle. I turned to the trees and took deep, life-affirming breaths of air as I observed the forest. I was then witness to a variety of aesthetic qualities that I had never before experienced. As the trees vibrated at the same frequency of my body, they assumed dark, candy-like appearances. Their presence filled the world around me. As I walked closer to the nearest tree, I was compelled to sit back down: the tree’s energy was too powerful. Unreal beauty.
My attention turned to the fauna and rocks sitting before my feet. Upon examination, I became aware of how ‘big’ everything looked. My eyes had effectively become magnifying glasses. C was right. Whatever object I chose to rest my eyes upon would be ‘pulled’ from the ground in a spherical manner: imagine a half full water balloon placed on a table being pumped with water. That’s what I was seeing. I later found myself lying on the ground looking at the sky, I saw what appeared to be a translucent ‘ceiling’ adorned with shimmering geometric patterns well above the tree line. A troop of clouds danced lazily in the sky.
+1:30 After the initial shock-wave subsided, I was reminded of a different kind of beauty present in this substance: the silence of peripheral confusion and ego-chatter. C and I continued our discussions on a whole new level. A floodgate of emotion opened up as C expressed her feelings on a number of relationships wherein people are nasty to both her and people she cares about. To work through these issues, C and I were brought back to the origin of negative energies and how they affect a person’s relationship with themselves and others. Because a person’s actions are a reflection of their own limited conception of reality, C knew not to take these attacks personally: she did however find it difficult to completely detach herself from the negativity directed at her heart. After deconstructing the actions and motives of someone close to her, C was able to turn her sadness outward in hopes of helping those who are locked in negative thought patterns that prevent personal growth.
+2:15 Questions of the future and our life goals followed suit. C asked me what my plans for the future were. While many of my stated goals were relatively open-ended, it was clear that I could be doing much more to further those ambitions. This is an issue I have had for some time, instead of immediately acting on my ambitions, I assume I will follow through at a later date. C guided me through my own process as I accepted and declared to resist those temptations and be more proactive in my every day life.
+3:00-4:15 As the trip progressed, 4aco once again proved its ability to ‘fill’ all corners of my existence with a life-force energy unparalleled by any comparable substance. My very existence was radiating energies of love and self-assurance that is undoubtedly superior to any drug-induced state of confidence I have ever experienced. My mind was calm, quiet, and content, yet filled with raw ambition and drive. It was unreal. This after glow lasted into the night and the next day. I am still feeling the warmth radiating from within.
Peace, love, and C.
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