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Strong Music - Strong Desire to Go Again
Citation:   MarzBarz. "Strong Music - Strong Desire to Go Again: An Experience with MDMA (exp85670)". Erowid.org. Nov 30, 2017. erowid.org/exp/85670

1 hit oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  1 hit oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  1 hit oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I had been wanting to try ecstasy for many months, so when I heard one of my good friends was picking up some molly, I was ready to roll. However, I have always had a stronger desire to do LSD, but after my e trip, I no longer have the desire. I have pretty bad depression and anxiety. I am a habitual marijuana user, I occasionally drink and smoke salvia. I do Vicodin, oxycotin, percocit, and codeine when I can get them. Out of all the drugs I have tried, ecstasy was by far the best.

I'm big into techno, dubstep, and electronic music, so me and my boyfriend, B, and friend, P, woke up on Saturday morning ready to dose at an electronic music festival. It was all of our first times doing ecstasy. when we arrived, my nerves kicked in. I was so small, what if it was too much for me to handle? B's heart has been kinda messed up for a while, what if something happened to him? What if this stuff was cut with meth? I tried to push the thoughts out of my head. I had done my research about the drug, I thought I knew what to expect. Besides, I was with the two people I trust the most. They said it was straight, that they would take care of me. I trusted them with my life.

It was hot out, so we came prepared. Three water bottles for each of us, loose and cool clothes, and money for more water. Around 6:30 pm, we bought hot dogs and lemonades. Potentially eating something a bit healthier is wise, but keep it light. E can be difficult on the stomach at first, however, I did not experience any problem with this.

At 7, we met up with our dealer, and secured 4 pills of Molly for $60. They were small, white, and somewhat glittery. P swallowed his on the spot, but B and I hesitated. Should we try to take half? Should we really do this? There was no denying the timing was perfect, my parents were out of town until Monday night, we could chill and crash at my house after the concert. We observed P as he began to bob his head to the music, 'feelin' pretty good', he said. Now or never.

B and I took our first hit of E at 7:30 pm. About 5 minutes later, walking towards a patch of grass to sit down, I blurted out that I felt 'smooth'. B smiled and said, 'I'm feelin' groovy'. Techno was blaring and at this point all I could really think about was sitting down in the quiet.

Coming up was boring. This 'smooth' feeling, like I was moving weightlessly underwater, lasted for another half an hour. We only sat for 5 minutes, and I wish we had for longer. As we walked, I began to get a slight pain in my chest, but I put all thoughts aside and focused on coming up in peace. We walked into a trailer where kids were playing video games. P began to play one, and as B and I stared in to the LCD screen, everything seemed to go crystal clear in an overwhelming suddenness. Colors popped out, bright and intense. My sight was crisp, my senses alert. I grabbed B's hand, the warmth of it tingling all the way up my arm.

At 8:10 pm, we headed over to a tent ripping some pretty nice dub. I could hear every single sound, every beat hit with intensifying force. The music was so strong, it moved me, moved through me, it filled the entire tent. Everything was moving to the beat, the music was the master and we were its followers. I began to move a little more, feel a little more.

At 8:20, we left the tent. P took his second hit. I waited impatiently for more to happen, to be overwhelmed and out of control. The come up was slow. At this point, B was cruising, saying he was 'feeling pretty darn good'. Frustrated, I considered taking another hit. I dismissed the thought quickly.

I began to dance at 8:30 when we arrived at another tent. There were more people here, the music was much better. I felt completely at peace, and although I still felt somewhat tired, I surrendered to the itch to move with the crowd, to be one with the music. After a few minutes, I felt totally and utterly satisfied, as if nothing had ever been so real, so perfect. I was in a different universe, a place where bad things did not happen, a place where every single person was to be loved and cherish regardless of the circumstances. I had the urge to touch and be touched, the urge to talk, to hear my voice, to ride along on other peoples thoughts and movements. I wanted to run my hands through the neon lights, thinking it would feel silky smooth.

At 8:45, we used the bathroom for the first time out of many. P exclaimed that he was feeling amazing, and that he was rolling out of his mind. We were excited to be alive, excited to be together. We got a bottle of water and shared a couple of sips before returning to the dance floor.

We rolled hard for a while after, dancing like freaks. I had so much energy I could hardly stand it! I was flying! On top of the world! I was never going to come down, I was never more content with myself and my life. Eagerly, I kissed b, expressing that I had never been so in love. In love with him, myself, the world! The whole world was filled with groovy beats and the most intense colors I have ever seen. And me! I was in the middle of it all, I was the most beautiful of all! Laughing felt like the most amazing thing.

By 9:30, we pee'd again, and checked out another tent. We saw a girl who was having a seizure right next to us, her eyes rolled to the back of her head as her soaking body jerked and twitched. I looked away, and grabbed P's hand, frightened. I was diggin' the vibe here anyways, the music wasn't as good. We decided to polish off the water and got a new one. After returning to our favorite tent, I peaked.

It was about 9:45pm, and I was rolling so hard it was impossible. I wouldn't have been able to stop if the world ended. This is where I believe I was at my highest point, nothing could get in my way. The music completely consumed me, running through my body, pulsing in my veins. Sweat dripped from every inch of me but I didn't care. The sun dress I wore swished around my thighs, it was so sensual, the fabric seemed to be unreal. It was too good to be true, everything was just so wonderfully complete.

By 10:20, we decided to go fill up the water bottle again. P and B both exclaimed that I was super warm and sweaty. I needed water. In line, I felt myself coming down, very slowly but distinctly. I grew very antsy and disappointed that my trip was slowing down. Annoyed, we left the line and headed to fill it up at a place with a shorter line. Then we made a stop at a cement wall. We ran our hands slowly down the wall, laughing, almost crying, at how weird it felt, how amazing it felt. We surely looked like druggies, but we couldn't have cared less what anyone else thought. We then decided to hold on to each others arms in a circle, amazed at the connection and surge we felt go through us. We were bonded, for life. This connection is something I believe I will never feel again, ecstasy or not. It was so powerful.

At 10:30, I got a call that my friend was in the hospital, something very bad had happened. I will not be going in to details, but I was devastated. B practically dragged me to the car, I was unable to really comprehend what was happening, time was so slow and I was still so fast, why couldn't everything slow down? I needed a minute to catch up. P followed close behind.

I was crashing, so hard. Falling through space and time, numb but yet drowning in emotion. Safely inside the van at 10:30, I felt completely sober. Sitting in the backseat, I began to sob and cry uncontrollably. This only lasted for a few minutes. Then my body grew extremely cold, goosebumps invaded my flesh. P threw me a hoodie, and I instantly felt better, the fabric sending chills down my spine as it brushed my skin. Maybe I was still a little high. The rest of the night basically flew by, and I continued peeing and finishing a bottle of water every hour until about 1:30 am, when B and I fell asleep in my bed.

Waking up the next morning, I felt EXTREMELY depressed and irritable. I couldn't stand to be sober, but I refused B's efforts to get me to smoke. All I wanted to do was roll again. Let's go back to the festival and roll.
So we did.

That night, B and I got 4 hits of Molly, P got 2, and P's friend A got wasted. B and I started off with one at the festival around 10:30 pm. I got the pain in my chest again, and was VERY disappointed because for the first two hours, the effects were very minimal. However, at about 11:15 pm, B grabbed my hand, exclaiming we had to go, he didn't feel good. Panicking, I dragged him to a quiet bench and forced him to drink a few big gulps of water. He was worried about his heart. He said he was freaking out, he was going to pass out. OH MY GOD, what do I do! 'Do you want me to go get someone?' I asked, my hands sweating and trembling very badly. He paused, his face white. P approached, and watched us as he tapped his foot to the beat.

After 10 minutes B told us he was alright but he had to leave, he had to leave now, he needed it to be quiet. I was still very freaked out, and we rushed to the van. He drank another bottle of water, and within minutes of sitting in the van, he asked for the techno to be blasted cus he was 'feelin' a whole lot better'. I was relieved, but upset that I wasn't high.

Back in town, we picked up my car. B was beggin to drive, so I let him through the neighborhood but quickly took over. He was rollin' harder than ever, he must have had a big dose. I felt alright, my senses were getting pretty clear.

B and I rolled through the McDonald's drive thru at about 1:00 am. The car in front of us had a pretty big order, cus we waited behind them for almost 15 minutes. I put the car in park, blared some Deadmau5, and peaked. I couldn't control my energy, my fist pumping or head bopping. I rolled my window down and stuck my entire body out of the car, screaming towards the sky as tears flew down my face. This is my life, I thought, and it is so worth living. We stopped at P's house, and the 4 of us ended up group hugging for almost ten minutes, admitting that we would be friends forever, and how much we loved each other.

Once back at my house, B and I dosed again. We attempted making out on my bed, but we did not have the attention span to really get in to it, although it felt amazing. We decided to meet P and A at their friend's house for a bonfire. He had a pool, and we thought it may be neat to swim. He lived kind of far, so B drove. We jammed to techno, and right before we got there, I started to freak out.

I was disallusioned. Where were we? Who was I? What was going on? I was dizzy. I took a big gulp of water and leaned my head back. All I can remember thinking was that the music was too loud, I was too high. Instead of feeling buzzed, I felt drained, like I was slipping. I started to panic. I begged B to let us sit in the car in silence. We did for about 15 minutes. I leaned my head on B's shoulder, feeling my eyes close. My hands were dripping with sweat. B urged me to keep my eyes open and drink water. I did. I think I was scaring him. He put his arm around me, and slowly I came back to reality, the powerful overwhelming high surging through me.

At about 2:00 pm, I was flying. I have never and will never (soberly) feel so good again. I held P's hand in one hand and B's in the other, loving the way it felt to massage their palms. I drank water in moderation, and loved the way the fire's heat warmed my legs. It was chilly out, so I had on a big comfy sweater and shorts. I felt super comfy and great. I was rolling super hard and could not sit still in this quiet enviornment, it was too low key to roll at. P =gave me his head phones and had some techno playing. I chomped on my gum and rocked to the beat, smiling at everyone and still hearing their conversations, even with techno blasting straight into my brain. P set his bowl on the edge of my chair. He was about to start smoking, but B and I agreed to save smoking for another time. I didn't want anything getting in the way of my high.

I started dancing again, and P's bowl shattered on the cement. I couldn't comprehend how it happened, even though it was so obviously my fault. I looked at him, his face looked totally dissapointed and bumned. I couldn't say I was sorry enough. I wanted to leave.

That night, I crashed pretty hard again, almost making B cry by yelling at him. We fell asleep at 4 am, and when we woke up at 11, we were still rolling. We messed around a little bit, feeling good. The effects lasted for about 3 days, only when I smoked. I would get really high, but instead of feeling baked, I felt the e. It was really awesome, and for a nice smooth come down, I recommend lots of weed, sleep, water, and food. You will need it.

I feel I would do e again, and honestly if I could hook it up right this second, I would. It seems to be kind of addicting and a tolerance is easily built.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 85670
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Nov 30, 2017Views: 1,295
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MDMA (3) : General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)

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