DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 capsl	oral	2C-I	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:45	1 bowl	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

Yesterday I tripped 2ci for the second time. I had been hesitant to trip on any psychedelics for a while, given that I had had two prior bad experiences on ecstasy and one on shrooms. I was getting really impatient to dose on the acid and shrooms I had been storing in my room for months and finally had the perfect opportunity on a bright sunny day when my parents worked all day. I knew I had a lot of personal issues I had to address and felt as though a psychedelic would help me bring these issues to light. I decided that 2ci would be a good reintroduction to tripping so I could once again become more comfortable to the more intense psychedelics. I knew I would be tripping by myself, with a friend to take care of me if I needed any help. We decided to go to the beach, and shortly after loading up the car I handed her the keys and popped the pale white capsule.

The way there, which took about 45 minutes, I didn’t feel anything. I was in a pretty good mood and laughed a little more than usual, but this may have just been placebo. I was only half-way expecting it to work; it had been sitting in my room for almost a year and I figured not believing too strongly would quell any pre-trip anxiety. When we got to the beach, I decided to pack a bowl of some high quality purple chronic in the hopes of taking the trip off. I split this with my friend and became very high. We talked a little bit and then decided to head off into the ocean.

Stepping in was an experience: the waves lapped up and washed over me and through me. I felt that this was representative of duality, coming and going, pushing and pulling, constantly reworking the shore. It was here that I began to realize I was tripping. I looked off to the cloud formation in the distance and it looked like Pegasus in a castle. I realized how vividly the clouds appeared morphed into shapes that I could understand. I looked again to the sea and saw a school of fish swim behind an upcoming wave. It was amazing, and from then on almost every time I looked at the waves I “saw” schools of fish weaving through them.

The ocean was pretty rough that day, and some of the waves knocked me over. I just laughed and stood back up again. My friend commented to me that the waves were laughing. I felt it and understood, the waves reverberations along the shore symbolized the uncontrollable side splitting echoes of laugher. I surmised that this was our earth’s way of showing good humor. We swam out further, past a sand bar. When we stopped, I looked over to find my friend much closer to the shore then I was. I asked her if she wanted to go as far out as she could with me, but she declined, saying that her friends had done that once and gotten caught in an undercurrent from which they had to be rescued by a lifeguard. I understood this as a legitimate fear and saw how fears worked for human self-preservation of identity and life itself.

I pondered fear; I felt as though it was no way to live life and would end with much regret and missing out. But how else to deal with pain we experience and make wiser decisions in the future so as not to cause more pain? I reflected on my own fear of redeveloping a close relationship with someone who had hurt me terribly. I still loved this person, but how could I be sure I wouldn’t be hurt again? 2ci did not aid in answering the question, but instead allowed me to be more introspective to deal with it.

By this time I had drifted into waters that I could barely stand up in, and were constantly knocking me down. I became frightened at the power of the waves and reflected on my friends earlier sentiments. The ocean didn’t seem to be laughing any more; more like fighting with me. I then understood that I was experiencing life from a perspective of fear and felt completely out of control. I realized I must allow myself to be governed by love and work in unity with the environment I was in to flow.

I let the waves wash me into calmer waters and they began laughing with me again. I realized all of the pain I had experienced in past months and understood I was in the healing process. The pain had zapped my strength and I had felt numb and dull lately, lacking my usual creativity and spontaneity. I had been dwelling in fear. I understood that pain was as much a part of life as joy, and I shouldn’t fear pain and sadness, as they are also integral parts of the human experience. Why did I believe I shouldn’t have to feel pain and discomfort? Certainly it was unpleasant, but it had taught me much about life and helped me grow up and understand my life as only a part of a whole, a piece of a fractal, which reflected the whole through a tiny part. I knew that healing would take time and I must be patient, yet not listless. I would heal completely when I was ready. I let myself be washed back to the shore.

On the beach, I attempted to communicate with my friend but found it incredibly difficult to find words to describe how I was feeling. I settled on eating an orange, a fruit I truly love; I felt very happy upon eating it. Then I realized I was uncomfortable. I was on my period and experiencing cramping. Also, my stomach felt somewhat queasy for days now. I felt hot and anxious. I tried to feel my heartbeat but I only felt a pulsating vibration. My heart was beating *very* fast. I asked my friend to take my pulse and she nodded: it seemed almost twice as fast as usual. I was kind of worried about the effect of this drug on my body, I had researched psychological effects but had no idea what kind of toll it was taking on me. I knew the trip would end though, and my heartbeat would return to normal after some time.

I paced around and realized I had to pee from all the water I had been drinking. I laughed at all the bodily discomfort I was feeling right now and felt that I had realized the point of this trip: dealing with discomfort and understanding pain. I knew it would pass but had no clue as to when. I decided dwelling was doing nothing but keeping me more focused on the pain. I decided to venture into the sand dunes.

On my journey to the dunes, I looked at the sand. it seemed to swirl and spiral with fractal patterns. I also saw how the wind molded and textured the sand into patterns. I repeated to myself: “As the wind sculpts the sand, so the waves sculpt the sea.” I saw the patterns of life in it all. I saw the grasses grow and the beach vines which rooted themselves to the dunes. I looked and saw tracks of crabs and birds and insects and marveled at this ecosystem I had discovered. I looked beyond the dunes to a marshy grassland area. I realized that the beach was also healing, recovering the first layer of dunes once again, after a devastating hurricane a year and a half ago. I lay in the dunes a while and let the sun warm me. After a while I made my way back to our car.

I decided to eat the fresh berries I had packed with me, something I truly enjoy when tripping. All the raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries were delicious, but the strawberries to my dismay tasted rather paltry and bitter in comparison. This I found somewhat amusing. What do you do when you buy shitty strawberries? Do you throw them away or begrudgingly eat them. Just because they taste bad are they lacking in nutritional value? I decided that this was symbolic of the pain and discomfort we experience in life, and should not be avoided. Shit happens, sometimes you buy shitty strawberries, sometimes you get hurt. Perhaps eating the strawberries and accepting the pain is truly living life to the fullest-not ignoring or avoiding the pain or discomfort involved.

By this time it was approaching 8 pm, about 6 hours after I had dosed. My heart slowed and the sun was setting. The trip was ending. My friend wanted to longboard on the seawall, and, though I wanted to stay for the advent of the stars, I wanted more to make her happy, so with some hesitance I packed up and we left. The sky was dark by the time we got to the seawall and there were clusters of families all over. We decided it was too crowded and she wanted to go eat at a cool hamburger place with outdoor seating looking over the seawall. I didn’t want to go home, so I settled for this alternative.

I looked in the mirror at the bathroom and realized that my pupils were still pretty dilated. There were many loud noises and bright lights from the TV, radio, and arcade games at this place, not to mention the throngs of people everywhere. I experienced overstimulation and felt somewhat trapped with all this sensory data pervading my mind. I wanted nothing to eat, as the food all seemed greasy or too sweet and I’m a vegetarian. I wanted something pure, like vegetables or tea that would do my body well. She ordered onion rings and I ate one for substance. Decent though heavily fried. After she ate we left. I was still mildly tripping, but it was just about over. I loaded up one last bowl for the ride home and smoked to aid the comedown. As we drove home I reflected on the lessons I had learned on my journey.

I’m glad I took the trip, as it did succeed in helping me and I feel unafraid to trip shrooms and acid in the near future. However, I’m not sure I will trip 2ci again. The anxiety that was produced in me and the intensely fast beating in my heart made me feel weak and somewhat flustered. I never found a state of meditative calmness that I wished for. Also, 2ci is definitely not the full fledged trip that the more powerful psychedelics produce, and I found myself having to figure out insightful answers to combat the own questions of my mind, rather than guided as in mushrooms for instance. Overall, it was a positive experience despite perpetual discomfort.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 85903
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Jun 30, 2010	Views: 7,428
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2C-I (172) : Difficult Experiences (5), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)