Citation: Goodbye horses. "One Heck of a Brain Freeze: An Experience with Ketamine (exp86036)". Erowid.org. Jul 18, 2017. erowid.org/exp/86036
||(powder / crystals)
Around 2 years ago I had one of my most profound drug experiences to date. I am choosing to write about this one because it was my first and most clearly remembered experience whilst on ketamine- it is often difficult to remember afterward.
Me and my boyfriend had picked some up and went back to his place to do it, being a naive teenager I had lied to him and told him that I was an experienced user and so he racked out a line which was suitable for himself. Not wanting to look a fool I insufflated a line which I estimate to have been about half a gram (the entire gram went into 2 lines- one for each of us). I was in a kind of nervous but calm-excited mood which provided a good mental setting for the events which would take place. The line was large and burned the inside of my nose which was rather unpleasant and made my right eye water substantially, this was followed by a 'brain freeze' type sensation which lasted for about a minute. We were sat in his room which was quite well lit with a CD playing quietly in the background, the first thing I noticed about 2 minutes after dosage was my vision became pixelated- as if I was looking at a low resolution computer screen, that and my eyes felt very sensitive to the light. I was also becoming sort of... unaware of my body, as if my mind was drifting away from body. The next thing was that I could hear a low buzzing, the music was still audible but sounded very distorted as if it had been slowed down. This grew more and more intense until about 5 minutes after initial dosage and I began to fall into a K-Hole.
I can remember that I was laying on my back, and for the most part my eyes were closed. I was getting a falling sensation as if I was falling from a great height- no fear accompanied this, just what can only be described as confusion. Everything was dark but I could see rippling waves- like sound waves- of bright light moving over me- connecting me to things. It was the connection aspect which was the most startling! I was becoming aware of entities in the room, there was a strong religious aspect for me(although I am an athiest). I felt as if I was being given information, being enlightened! I had an intense epiphany which at the time I felt was going to change my life, (of what I cannot tell you as I forgot immediately after sobering up) I felt completely at one with myself- everything was going to be OK. Don't get me wrong, I would not describe the experience as overtly pleasant- there was some very dark undertones but these dark undertones were not scary, just... suspicious. For instance the hallucinations that I did see where dark ones- dark swirling pools black and grey lightning etc.
Another prolific experience I had that night was one about death. When sober I would class death as my biggest fear, I am uncomfortable with the idea that everyone one day dies, and try not think about it. At this point I was completely convinced I was dying, I remember having a thought 'so this is it, this is what its like to die' but it was not scary, I was peaceful, flying towards a light (probably the light bulb) embracing death. The flying feeling continued but the thoughts of death evaporated (my experiences with ketamine have shown me that no one thought lasts long) I was flying up and up and up until I was balanced, it felt like I was balanced at the very top of a really tall building, I was trying to keep myself still to avoid falling off, but it was at this point I recognized that my trip was syncing with the music that was playing (some sort of drum and bass) and as the beat dropped, I fell off and was falling downwards again.
It was then that I began to become self-aware again, that I was a person and that I was alive, I remember saying my name in my head, becoming confused ('that sounds familiar, is it my name? What is a name..?) But after this I was drifting more and more into consciousness, everything was very fuzzy, very blurry. I did not attempt to stand up for a good 15 minutes after this point, by now I was feeling kind of satisfied and hungry. The whole trip had lasted about 40-45 minutes but I recall it feeling more like days during the most intense part.
This was my first proper experience on ketamine, it was a journey of true spiritual learning, a lot of which I have been unable to put into words.
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