Citation: tyedyebandana. "The Track on Which I Moved: An Experience with MDMA (exp86473)". Erowid.org. Jan 29, 2018. erowid.org/exp/86473
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The Superior Universe of MDMA
Having smoked a few bowls in the car ride over, I arrived to the festival feeling unusually paranoid. I grew increasingly anxious as we filed through multiple lines and security checkpoints, overwhelmed by disheveled crowds and a lingering feeling that something was waiting to go amiss. Having planned on rolling for quite some time (I was at a rave, after all), I took note that it would be in my best interest to find a bit of molly as soon as possible in hopes of loosening up.
Scoring was far easier than I had anticipated - we wandered down to the 'beach' (the festival is held in an industrial park on the shore of a bay) where we came across a young man selling capsules for $15 a piece. I purchased two, taking one and storing the other in my wallet. I had experimented with MDMA once before and dosed far too high, to a point where I had to slow down and think my way through processes as simple as breathing properly. We ambled about for the next thirty or forty minutes – I had loosened up a bit, but was still missing that fantastic molly euphoria that I so greatly anticipated; anxious, I swallowed my second capsule.
The effects for which I had been longing crept upon me just as Pretty Lights began to take the stage. I first took note of the increasing euphoria when I accidentally brushed my hand along the rough edge of my denim shorts – never had anything felt so exhilarating. I began to discreetly attempt and touch everything within reach, entranced by the unworldly sensation of my fingers running against every surface.
I began to discreetly attempt and touch everything within reach, entranced by the unworldly sensation of my fingers running against every surface.
Everything felt exactly the same - yet unfathomably different; unfathomably better. My heart began to flutter, in a version of the way it does when coming up on a high dose of Adderall. This energy, however, was different in that it exploded from every inch of my being. It was wild, uncontrollable, almost terrifying in that it raged so mercilessly through my veins, yet trembled so delicately throughout my jaw, clenched fingers, squirming toes. I was truly happy – not in a silly, giddy way; I was complacent. I was anxious about nothing – as cliché as it may sound, everything seemed perfectly alright. Every small, bothersome issue tormented me no longer – they were not erased, merely ignored. If these problems were to take their course, so be it – they would work themselves out eventually. I apologized profusely to a friend of mine whom I had been snapping at earlier during which time I had been feeling extremely paranoid and irritable; I was grateful that these feelings had passed, and vowed never again to let myself get caught up in such minuscule frustrations of life.
I will interrupt my dreamlike reflection of euphoria at this point to compare the initial effects of my two experiences with MDMA. Granted, my dose was much higher and my tolerance lower at the time of my first experience – however, for what its worth, I was feeling far less speedy and out of control the second time around. This energy was one far more calm and organized, directed at a mellow peace and connection with others, as opposed to a seething, spastic, borderline rabid love and desire to connect with the strangers from my first experience.
As my coming up morphed into periodic, intense rushes, I began to feel slightly overwhelmed, where at one point, the music was almost too good, the dancing was almost too entrancing – my pals and I agreed it was time for a quick break. I’m not sure why this led me to purchase another two hits as soon as I left the main stage area, but whatever capsules I acquired on this outing seemed to have been either of far better quality or laced with some more powerful, perhaps even superior drug. A young black man with a backpack offered them to us at a slightly higher price – when questioned, he replied that the pills were special in some way. To this day I rack my memory, trying desperately to remember what the word he used was. It started with a B, “bumped” or “bunked”, or something of the sort. I asked no questions, downing two more hits.
The second dose made itself known through intense euphoria and visual enhancement. I was in another world – at one point, having returned to the Pretty Lights show, I was dancing slowly and methodically, rolling back and forth on my hips. I closed my eyes for just a moment and had what I believe may have been my first out-of-body experience. The way I rolled side to side on my hips was no longer an act of my dancing – it was the movement of the earth beneath me, of the universe in which I existed. A pale, blue, sky-like background surrounded what looked like an infinity sign – it was the track on which I moved – in the left loop of the sign was a sun with a wise face on it, much like one from old paintings. In the right was a yin and yang sign. There was no physical avatar of my placement upon the moving track, but I knew exactly where I was. Shocked, I opened my eyes, disheveled by my brief escape from reality, from life as we know it. A laser show had began – green beams of light criss-crossed above our heads. I reached at the sky like a child; how could a simple reflection seem so concrete? Each beat became a tingling sensation that exploded within my core – the music defined my very existence, my purpose in life. It was my guardian angel, the symbol that would lead me wherever I needed to go.
At the sets end, we again ambled over to the shore, where we sat, reminiscing on all that was right in life. All that we were grateful for, all the problems that we realized we could so easily resolve. The cold rocks felt heavenly against my bare legs – I directed every ounce of relentless energy into the moment, into sitting still and looking over the bay; nothing had ever felt better. Everything was the same, yet so indescribably different that it was hard to believe its former self had even existed in the same version of life as we know it.
We lingered for another hour or so before we hopped on the bus to attempt and find our way home (this proved to be no easy task). Sitting in the cushy front seat on the car ride home, with the seat heater on, happy and safe with all of my friends, a safe designated driver, beautiful music softly scampering up my legs and blossoming throughout my brain – every time I thought the best moment of my life had come, another simple pleasure bested the last. All of my buddies passed out as soon as we returned to the hotel room; my efforts to do the same proved to be all in vain. I crept into the bathroom, where I switched on the lights and looked in the mirror. My pupils had devoured nearly my entire eye, shaking from left to right. In hopes that a hot shower would calm me down a bit, I locked the door and hopped in.
Like I said – every simple pleasure kept besting the last. I nearly forgot to breathe as the hot water pounded over my back. I curled up on the bathtub floor, engrossed in the orgasmic sensation of the droplets enveloping my every inch, pushing me into the center of the earth, surrounding my body in protective warmth. Quickly I clogged the drain and started a bubble bath so that I could enjoy my music as I succumbed to a bodily sensation that fueled my interest as to whether or not heaven truly does exist. I closed my eyes and rocked my hips again – to my dismay, I was unable to find the track on which I had earlier traveled between the sun and yin and yang. I did, however, find myself hovering above a dark highway, where lonely cars raced back and forth, passing each other with no acknowledgement of the other's existence, their contributions to humanity, their qualities that gifted this ungratefully inhabited planet – this highway was society, these cars humans. Why didn’t people appreciate each other? My dreams were interrupted by a screeching static as my ipod slipped into the water. Its alright, I thought – as I had realized earlier, problems so insignificant are purely selfish to succumb to. Everything happens for a reason.
I spent the rest of the night and morning wrapped up in a comforter under the bathroom sink watching the Itunes visualizer on my computer, until my friends awoke. I didn’t seem to reach full sobriety until I napped off the remaining buzz at about noon or so the next day. My hangover symptoms were surprisingly less harsh than that of my previous experience, though I did experience some feelings of depression and mental exhaustion at various points throughout the following week. I felt this experience to be far superior to my last with MDMA; I believe I had come closer to the “sweet spot” with this dose, whereas before I felt overwhelmed to a point where my energy made it hard to focus on the euphoria. It truly is an amazing drug which I hope to try many more times throughout my life; I honestly believe that each experience with MDMA has made me a different, perhaps even better person.
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