DOSE:

3 hits

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

72 kg

I am a 22 year old male from Belgium. I am a master student of scientific computing. I had tripped 3 times on psilocybin mushrooms and 3 times on LSD before this trip. I have also had experiences with mdma, amphetamine, cannabis, cocaine, ketamine and alcohol previously.

Because this was the first time I would trip on a high dose I decided to have a sitter. The location was a friend's apartment. He would take care of me if necessary. The timing was 1 week after a successful series of exams. I had no real worries. I took the acid at 2 pm, effects started wearing off around 4 am and I was only back to normal around 10 am. Now on the experience!

We went outside to take a walk in the park. We passed by the university campus. There we sat on a bench while I waited for the acid to kick in. My friend and I started discussing some mathematics. In the meantime my mind wandered and I felt a feeling of wonder. As a child I had been fascinated by science and I felt the power of this early interest spanning my entire life. It was home. I was happy.

I felt the acid spirit taking over. It always feels like some sort of spirit crawling inside me. It was everywhere. Inside my veins, in my organs, in my mind. I started having a somewhat radiant body load. I suggested we go back to his apartment because I had never tripped before on a such a dose. I preferred to be in a safe environment. Back in the apartment I got into a couch and I put on some jazz and indian music. Classic open-eye LSD visuals kicked in. But I found very early all this overwhelming. So I went into a room which had no windows. I could stay there for as long as I wanted. It could be 'my room' for as long as the trip lasted. I put on some ambient music but soon found it overwhelming again. I find very rapidly all external input to feel like sensory overload. I turn of the lights, switch off the music and get in bed.

I felt I was looking for something. It was like being in a symmetrical building with an infinite number of rooms and none of the rooms contained what I was looking for. I was looking for a state of being. I was struggling to keep my identity. I felt depressed, lonely, absorbed in a void. I was lost in my own head. An endless stream connecting delusional places that were streams themselves. I felt like I was abandoning my relatives, friends and the planet earth. But it had to be done. I realized I would not find a state of being because my identity was disappearing only even more as time progressed. I accepted the fact that I would die. Then there was nothing. I experienced neither the world and almost nothing of myself. My consciousness was tiny, almost non-existent, reduced to an infinitely small point. After the complete acceptance of this state I started feeling confused. I felt no motivation to do anything.

Then a sudden flash of insight. I became aware of the dichotomy of being and non-being. I was slowly getting reborn. From this state of near non-being in which I had no conception of the possibility of 'being' I was getting back to being. It felt like travelling through a birth canal. It was dark. I stood up and got out of the room to see my friend. I told him that there is 'being' and 'non-being' and that while we are 'being' anyway, we might just as well 'be' as intense as possible. Coming from a state of non-being this was the most profound insight I had ever had and I had never felt so happy and enthused before. I went back into my room and sat in a meditative position to experience the state of 'pure being' as intense as possible. All experience was as one. There was no distinction between the different senses. There was only 'abstract experience' which 'looked' somewhat like an all-sense encompassing radiant light consisting of the light of a thousand suns. Suddenly, this 'light' of synesthetic experience was stripped of its semantics. The extatic state I was in vanished completely and all that was left was 'syntax of experience'. Then, beings came crawling into the world. These were aparently autonomous, syntactical, self-replicating cartoon-like entities. They communicated in a bizarre language. In fact, it was not a language. They transferred pure experience to communicate with one another, which is something an entity with a seperate identity (like an animal) cannot do. These entities looked at me and shrugged while making an alien like sound which reminded me of bugs bunny. I realized they controlled the syntax of any possible experience I might ever encounter as a human being. I felt very afraid. I felt at their mercy.

I asked: 'what do you want?'. But as soon as I asked this question I realized they were rebuilding my identity. 'I' was created by these entities. Once done it felt like someone cracked open my skull so that my consciousness could expand infinitely in every direction. Together with my consciousness came an entire universe of supreme beauty. In this universe there was only one consciousness. I was 'being' as I had never 'been' before. My inner quietness was infinitely more powerful than the biggest storm. Visually, there were also some seperate entities. I remember a psychedelic human-like creature that was miles high. Also I saw some sort of giant insect. But these entities had no aura of autonomy. They clearly did not have a seperate identity. I also remember seeing a cosmic DNA string like compound.

Slowly I started realizing that my identity belonged to a human. I went outside to speak to my friend. I asked: 'what do you humans do?', while I myself pondered this question. I considered eating something. I took a banana and ate it. I found it awesome to rediscover this. Humans like eating and to recognize the taste of the banana was fantastic. I went back and listened to some music. I was so happy to have found myself and my humanness. I had some fun but mostly I was worn out from the peak of the trip. I lie in bed for the next hours because any sensory input felt like sensory overload. Slowly I further regain my own identity. It feels like coming home.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 86630
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: May 2, 2020	Views: 874
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LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)