Citation: Jaek. "The Seams of the Universe: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp86651)". Erowid.org. Aug 27, 2010. erowid.org/exp/86651
*Note: I don't recommend taking this high a dose and the only reason I do is for informational and research purposes.*
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
A little background knowledge-I do not have very many friends, I don't have any close family, and I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I know this is not a great combination for psychedelic use, but every previous trip I have managed to keep myself together and enjoy it. (LSD, mushrooms, 2c-x's) I have a 'girlfriend' per se, we are basically together but we don't call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend yet. We have a lot of history (dated a fair few times) and I trust her a lot.
Setting: My room. Soft yellow lamp. Bare white walls, computer, sound system, large bed.
The time was about 8pm and that day I had received a package containing my next substance for experimenting with- 4-Acetoxy-DMT. Next to nothing is really known about this chemical when it reaches doses above 40mg; which is one of the reasons why I decided it would be a good choice. I had downloaded some new 60's albums the day before in preparation for this event (some more Pink Floyd, Brian Wilson's 'Smile', and a Jefferson Airplane album) and I had them on a playlist set on shuffle.
I weighed up a generous dose as I thought it would be the same as most other psychedelics with an upped dose- just a more intense version than the lower- popped it into a cap, and downed it with some gatorade. My concept of time was blurred through this whole thing, so I'll just try and keep everything structured as best I can. After downing the cap, I returned to my PC where I spent some time chatting to some people on IRC. I didn't know how long the average comeup for this substance was, so I decided to just act as if I weren't about to experience anything- that way time might go a little quicker.
It was around 30 minutes later when I developed a craving for ice cream. I emerged from my room to the refridgerator where I found a Cornetto that looked absolutely amazing to me. *This seemed slightly odd to me, as I never eat ice cream at all.* I returned once again to my room and turned on the heater, as I was feeling cold, probably due to the ice cream, and hopped back on IRC to announce the awesomeness of my Cornetto. In less than a minute the Cornetto was gone, I had eaten it so fast and it tasted so wonderful- I needed more ice cream!
*This is about the time where I assume the drug kicked in.*
I grabbed a tub of 'rocky road' style ice cream- which I eat on an even rarer occasion than Cornettos- and a spoon. I sat back in my room and consumed each spoonful with pleasuring relish. With every gulp a grin that even the Cheshire Cat would envy got wider and wider and the euphoria was beyond belief. I soon realised why I never ate this particular ice cream; it made me sick as fuck. And right at that moment I realised I was about to be hit full force with the power that is nausea + psychedelics.
The music started to shift tones rather randomly, it was as if there was a barrier between the speakers and my ears that drastically morphed music and sound. I rolled onto my bed with great difficulty but eventually managed to get myself facing upwards. I completely forgot what drug I took by this point, which was probably one of the worst parts of this experience- not knowing why things are happening and not knowing what is making these things happen is a very scary experience.
By this point the song that was playing was Pink Floyd's 'Speak to Me'. I knew the lyrics and as soon as the line 'very hard to explain why you're mad... even if you're not mad' was sung a sudden realisation crept up on me that I really had no idea who or what I was trying to be, or what I was even doing with my life.
*This may seem a little confusing, 'cause I'm trying to put these thoughts into words, but I expect that some things will be too over exaggerated to understand.*
The next thing I remember was attempting to sit up in my bed. Also a bad idea. I checked my phone to see I had received two messages. One from the close girlfriend (we'll call her B) and one from another close friend, A, who knew I was going to be tripping that night. I could not work out how to reply and felt an extreme sense of failure because of this. I managed to message B with a simple 'I love you' and then tried to get out of bed.
A wave of an extremely powerful force pushed inwards on me and I had the intense feeling of collapsing into myself. This may not seem that bad- but for me, it was absolutely horrifying as I had no recollection of if this drug should be doing this to me (because I couldn't remember what fucking drug I had taken). I kept trying to get back up and failing- it was like a constant bass drop from a really bad dubstep song- all the while receiving messages from A that made absolutely no sense to me at the time- she seemed rather pissed off at me, or sad, and I didn't know why. The word 'please' kept looping in my head and I felt the nausea die down a little, and so did the force pushing down on me.
I somehow managed to return to a (somewhat) sane state of mind, as I lay in the fetal position telling myself not to freak out and that I was just tripping. It kind of worked. Until, strangely, the next song on Dark Side of the Moon came on (Breathe in the Air) and I immediately felt more bad vibes coming on as it started. The audial hallucinations were extremely intense and when it was at the part where the vocals are singing 'breathe, breathe in the air..' I was hallucinating so much that I thought it was saying 'sleep, sleep while you can'.
As you can probably imagine this was a very unpleasant thing to be told through a song. I tried closing my eyes to focus on calming down but every time I closed them I felt that force sucking my entire existance inwards. I told myself it would be over eventually but in this whole time only 20 minutes had passed. My heart was racing and I thought I was dying. I lay there staring at my walls, watching them melt into nothingness and soon everything was gone. It was just me and nothing else. I was dead for certain. My heart sped up even more, and I thought it was about to shut down, I had impulsive thoughts to yell out to my mother who was asleep but resisted them.
I was convinced there was no such thing as time, because at that point when there was nothing, I could move forward and backward in a sort of historical dimension that was completely different to anything I'd ever experienced- it was as if everything in my life was written down or recorded in my head somewhere and I could relive any portion of it. After snapping back to fearful reality the music was unbearable. I lunged over to my computer and turned it off at the power supply. Silence, except for the monotonous hum from my heater. It was comforting, somehow. I switched off the lamp and lay in darkness; fading between reality and some unknown time-space dimension that I wanted so desperately to escape.
For the next 30 minutes I shifted my eyes around the room, closing them every 5 minutes or so as the hallucinations were confusing my mind and my eyes. Strong patterns were swirling amongst the white paint in the walls, and most surfaces were made up of neon pink, purple and green colours.
I decided I could calm down a little more if I could use my phone to talk to someone. But first I needed music I was more familiar with. I put on Between the Buried and Me's 'Colors' and grabbed my phone. I texted B and tried to maintain a decent conversation until I assume she fell asleep as she no longer was replying. Bad vibes were conjuring back up as I was left with only my mind so I signed into MSN to find that A was online. I said something along the lines of 'bad trip, bad trip, bad trip, talk about anything, please, just anything, keep talking'
A is extremely inexperienced with any drugs, so she handled this very well and it certainly made the difference between me taking a trip to the ER and staying reasonably sane. It didn't really matter to me what she was saying, it just had importance to me as I knew if I could still read something someone was sending me at that time it meant I still existed. I managed to start conversations with a few other people- one guy I knew from school (C) and another that owns an electronc music blog (D) that I had become friends with. I started having a conversation about starting a band with C, and he agreed it was a good idea. I mentioned having a funny name like 'moshwar' and 'destructorrr' and he laughed.
The thing that weirded me out was that I was talking to D at this time as well, but had stopped for a few minutes, when he sends me a message saying 'I don't know what destructorrr means'. I had absolutely no idea how he managed to see that or how I even sent it to him, but I quickly closed the conversation to avoid freaking out again.
By this time the nausea was almost gone. The visuals were the most intense I had ever experienced at this period. My walls were made of neon geometry, all shimmering and morphing beautifully. I could not stare at my hands as they kept morphing to looking horse hooves which kind of freaked me out (I suspect turning into a horse would freak most people out) but overall I was coping relatively well now.
I decided I needed a shower (which was also a bad idea- I think everything I did in this trip was a bad idea) so I slid out of bed, very hippie-esque; kind of like a DXM walk but with more of a strut to it. I made it to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My pupils had taken up the entire iris of each eye and I looked very alien-like. I had a hard time recognising myself. I got into the shower and enjoyed the warm water. It felt amazing and it seemed as though it was washing off all the bad vibes and thoughts of the trip.
I decided it was time to get out but as I reached for a towel the nausea came back in a hefty wave. So did the visuals. I ended up back on my shower floor with a towel wrapped around me, getting soaked by the warm water again. I breathed at a steady pace whilst watching the bathroom walls turn purple and green. *Now I look back on it, the visuals throughout the entire trip were fucking amazing, but I couldn't enjoy them to their full extent because of that damn nausea.* Finally I managed to get up and out, and felt a LOT better. I spent the rest of the night on IRC and MSN chatting about simple things that made me happy. I was grinning most the time after the shower, which reminded me of all the pleasant mushroom trips I've had- which in turn made me more happy.
The next morning I felt completely normal; no hangover, no perception changes (except for the slight increase in HPPD which was to be expected with such a high dose).
All in all, I do not think I will ever take 4-AcO-DMT in doses this high again. I may try this substance again in the future (at a much lower dose) and post a follow-up report. I hope this information is helpful to anyone considering doing a heroic dose themselves.
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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.