Citation: Zawa. "Divine Moment of Truth: An Experience with DMT (exp86805)". Erowid.org. Jan 11, 2014. erowid.org/exp/86805
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It's been about two days since my first full break-through DMT experience and already it seems like a faint memory.
I've used a number of other substances including Opiates, DXM and Diphenhydramine, Ketamine, Adderall and Ritalin, mushrooms (P. cubensis
), LSD, Salvia divinorum
, and Alcohol, and I am an avid fan of smoking cannabis all day, every day. Quick note: if I smoke DMT with a lot of pot, or when I'm stoned, I won't break-through; this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what kind of experience I want.
Prior to the experience this report concerns, I had smoked DMT twice in one night. The first time I misfired. The second time, although I broke through and although it was incredibly powerful, it was only with two inhalations and I had a feeling that I didn't get the full experience. I didn't want to wait forever for it to come around to me again, so I decided to be proactive and just make it myself.
I extracted the DMT from 1 oz. of powdered Jurema. I've read some techs that talk about two different substances you get when you grind Mimosa hostilis
root bark, this was an ounce of the pink powder only, which I believe has the highest DMT content. I used the Nomans tech but I did not put the final naphtha solution in the freezer. Instead I evaporated it off and to keep the crystals from sticking to the bottom of my beaker I added water and when this water/DMT amalgam reached a thick consistency, I mixed it with a bowl's worth of cannabis. I have to say here that I had no idea how much was actually in the solution, so I measured my dose in inhalations; I probably extracted 4 or 5 trips worth. I smoked it early in the morning, around 2AM, the only light came from my open laptop, and a stick of incense was burning. I asked that it not hurt me and said that I accepted whatever it did.
The first try was almost a success but I did not realize my mistake as it happened: I never took the third toke. After the second I began to think to myself, 'Oh this is weird, this is working,' and I put down the pipe believing that I would break through forgetting TMKs well-known mantra. But I still had an experience which exceeded that of LSD or psilocybin. When I closed my eyes it seemed I was in a dark, empty space filled only with rotating geometric patterns. For the entire duration I felt a very strong alien presence and there were the shadows of entities, like the light of a far away star. It was like how I imagine an Ayahuasca trip would be; it kind of crawled out of thin air instead of me being forced into it.
An hour later I finally did it right. After the second toke, everything felt very weird. Looking at the bowl in my hand, it was like looking through someone else's eyes and I almost put down the bowl, but then remembered! I focused hard on getting the pipe to my lips and taking one more enormous hit. I lay down the bowl and fell back into my pillows, closed my eyes and then BOOM!
The moment of break-through is terrifying and astonishing. What exactly happens, I'm not sure, but when it happened I realized how inconceivably powerful and beautiful this thing is, I was at its mercy. Having felt this terror two months prior, I did not become consumed by it and I accepted this thing. And then I was in that place, a place which is so exotic, so bizarre, so detached from anything I am familiar with, like no place on earth or anywhere in the universe that we know of. So then I had to accept the fact that I was there, a place which is impossible, and I had no idea how to get home.
At the moment of breakthrough, this object materialized before my eyes (my theory is that it unfolds into a lower-dimension, who knows?) which I realized was actually an intelligent thing. It looked something like a woman playing a wind instrument sitting on a gyroscope, and all the different parts, faceted with precious topaz and clinohumite, weaved through each other; just the way this thing moved could leave me speechless. For the duration of the trip, this thing or this entity hovered before me. We seemed to be moving through this space, which was more like a maze than a vault, and after becoming fully overwhelmed by this beautiful thing, I saw that all along the walls there crawled more entities, which had a masculine feeling. They too, like the entire vision, produced this scintillating, golden-brown light. They had no faces and they were pointing at the thing saying 'Look at this, do you see? Are you looking?' They did not speak but communicated with feelings and they wanted to show me this thing; they were very intent on communicating information. I felt the trip come to an end and had the feeling that I had been on a journey; the image split apart and began to fade away.
I'm 19 and have been using psychedelics for about a year now (not including DXM and Benadryl). I went to a Catholic school until 8th grade when I began questioning my faith. For most of my teen life I was an agnostic or atheist, a materialist, a reductionist, Science became my God at times. While I still reject the monotheistic notions of the Divine, I now find myself at a pinnacle time in my psychedelic journey when I must reconcile my materialist, determinist and reductionist views with my new conviction of the existence of the Divine.
I don't know exactly what that means but the DMT experience has all the qualities I would expect of the divine. First of all, by the second toke, (and I've had a couple just below break-through trips) I always feel a very strong, all-pervasive presence. This presence is very alien and mysterious, and it's very big, somewhat intimidating yet incredibly beautiful and enticing; most notable is the feeling that this presence is intelligent. The moment of break-through, as I described before, inspires terror and astonishment for it's inconceivable power and beauty. I don't think it's the wish of the Divine to be terrible but it is so powerful, so magnificent and strange, that one can only be shocked at its existence and in this way it is unfathomable. There is also a feeling of profound truth, undeniable and incontrovertible, a 'Yes, this is it, this is exactly how it is and should be, this is perfect.'
I find it hard to conceive that a Divine thing exists, yet I find it completely inconceivable that a drug could produce such hallucinations and delusions and experiences of divinity. Whether DMT space is autonomous, rooted in one's psyche, or only a product of pharmacological activity, I don't know, but regardless, the experience is in and of itself Divine; or at least that is how I feel.
That trip launched me in a completely different direction, it 'reset the compass' and I'm grateful for ever having had it. I strongly encourage trying it, but it is incredibly powerful and if it doesn't scare you it means you're probably not doing it right. While nothing can really prepare one for the experience, it would be better to have used other classic psychedelics like LSD, mushrooms, mescaline, as well as MDMA or some of the RCs such as 2C-I. And if you're lucky enough to come across a good amount, start out with a couple lower doses so you are not completely overwhelmed by its alienness, because it's going to take some courage to take that third toke.
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