Citation: Saturate. "Am I Dead (Hospitalization): An Experience with 5-Meo-DALT (exp87218)". Erowid.org. Sep 9, 2010. erowid.org/exp/87218
I am writing this because 1) There are not many reports regarding this drug. 2) It may save people from making the same mistakes or taking it at all.
Here is some background first.
I began smoking weed, cigarettes and getting drunk at 12 years old. By 13 I was doing it more often and started buying my own, on a couple occasions I would take alot of paracetamol/ibuprophen just to get a little dizzy for kicks. At 14 I preferred to smoke alone but didn't make a point to avoid smoking with others, would drink more often, and started searching for something more. At 15 I started doing E and carried on doing it for some time (for a couple weeks at a time I would do it almost daily, it wore me out). Throughout that time I had experiences with Ketamine, 2C-i, 2C-e, pure MDMA, Nitrous, continued my use of mary-jane and alcohol, Cocaine, Morning Glory seeds, Mushrooms and Mephedrone. Poo.
At 15 I got kicked out of my house and still continued getting messed up whenever I could. Later I moved to another place and kicked everything and didn't go out for around 5 months, everything was tempting and since I'd no more money (I did, but not for drugs) I soon realised 'who my friends were'. The last time I'd done anything was on New Year's at a house party. MDMA/Pills some ketamine, weed and alcohol. After New Years' Mephedrone came about and I did that a few times but hated it. When it got illegalised I celebrated.
I recently began suffering from Anxiety attacks, and those can be quite full-on. I would still smoke weed while getting these attacks in an attempt to drown them out, but I knew it wasn't working. In the past I have suffered from intense depression since I was 10 to around 6 months ago. I feel much better now, but this account is about a terrible experience I had on some 5-Meo-DALT. 12/7/10
It was a Monday, and I'd agreed to meet some old friends of mine who I am still close to. At first we arranged to meet in town, go and buy some booze and weed and do it like we used to. Once I arrive in town I find that the plans have changed. And I was not keen on this change baring the fact my anxiety was still affecting me horribly. Still I decided what the hell. So the plan was, we'd call the head shop in town and ask them to deliver some of their 5-Meo-DALT, I knew I hadn't seen many reports of it on Erowid so this made me feel uneasy to begin with, but it also looked harmless. (?!)
The head shop was selling it in 0.5g baggies, so we bought 2g. (at fucking £30 a g!)
So that was £60 down the shitter, and you'll see why later.
For the purpose of making this easier, I will call my friends X, E, S, O. We were sitting in my E's garage/shed, only 3 of us (X, E & I) were planning on doing this. S & O were just sitting and observing, having a social. We were relaxed and catching up with each other on where the fuck I'd been (since I'd totally disappeared). At around 9pm we decided it was that time, so I unloaded two of the 0.5g baggies onto my tin lid and used a credit card to cut two lines for X & E. In total they must have had 2 lines each.
I guess the first real mistake I'd made was not using any scales at all. I prepared a 'bomb' for myself out of rizla and just started dumping in the powder. Tsk tsk... stupid. I guess I was used to making bombs for myself and others I didn't take into account this drug wasn't the type to just 'dump it in'. I also made them a bomb each (a little smaller than mine since they'd already had two lines.) All in all I have absolutely no idea how much was in the lines, or the bombs. My best estimation of my bomb would be around 40-50mg. So their bombs would have been 20-35mg. I think there was some left over on the lid, that they were saving for lines for a little later. Because of what happened next, I am just so unsure about how much we dosed. I am also very fortunate that I didn't fuck THEM up because they put their trust in me and I ended up fucking myself up.
For the record, I had barely slept the previous night (Insomniac) and had not eaten anything apart from one crumpet... with butter.
9:00pm - we drop and kick back smoke cigarettes. In the back of my mind I already regret dropping and am nervous as fuck but I'm fine with it.
9:15pm - looking at my best friend (with whom I used to roll all the time, so I'm used to his face and the way it looks to me when I'm fucked) is freaking me out and I don't feel right looking at him, as in the light of the garage he appears to look more yellow than before. He was definitely not ill. I was fidgeting quite a bit.
9:20pm - More fidgety and anxious about how I am feeling. I can't decipher what my emotions actually are or if these feelings are just synthetic. I tried to join the conversation but I was too detached to think about anything else, other than when will this start, when will it be over, and why the fuck didn't we just get drunk instead..?
9:30pm - I am feeling something in the pit of my stomach, I'm chewing my gum but it just feels like it's getting in the way of my chewing and I spit it out, but then my mouth feels restless. I decide to go outside for a cigarette. I sit on the trampoline with S and we talk about how long it's been. But I am quite far from the conversation, if anything, I am just talking out of my arse just to talk, because my mind is darting everywhere and this seems like sturdy ground to be on. We carry on until we finish smoking, then go back inside. Walking feels strange, y'know that feeling when you come up on E, and everything feels light. A bit like that, but it felt drunk and sluggish at the same time. I had to put alot of effort into it without realising.
9:40pm - I can see that E has gone bright red in the face (he is ginger so I guess it makes it more noticeable.. but I was getting freaked out) and X's face has gone the sickest shade of yellow-green. He's chewing his gum and I can see his jaw muscles clench and.. and.. why are we doing this? This has become so stale. There is no point, I want to go back. I was getting really, really anxious at this point.
9:45pm - O turns to us and says 'guys I've never seen you react to a drug like this..' In an instant after O said this, I take this as a bad sign, and my heartbeat is in my ears, behind my eyes, in the back of my head, in my stomach. Everything tightened, everything was closing in, and I kinda flipped. 'Fuck FUCKS SAKE O. WHY'D YOU GO AND SAY THAT!' I fucked off outside and sat on the ground with my head in my hands, it was raining, I was shaking and I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew it was ruined now, the attack had started.
9:55pm - X came outside with a cigarette, lit it up and passed it to me. He told me '--- you need to calm down, you'll be alright. I'm coming up too and it's a bit intense as well.' My reply was 'You're definitely not feeling what I'm feeling dude.' S bought me out a bottle of water and they all sat with me, trying to coax me out of my bad state. But nothing worked. I started feeling nauseous, and I could feel my anxiety levels rising faster and faster. My chest felt so tight and my stomach was pushing up into me.
'I'm gonna be sick'.
'Be sick on the grass.'
'Fuck the grass.'
10:10pm - I am vomiting so violently, and I am trying to breathe. My heartbeat is BANGING through me and my throat just keeps getting tighter, everything on my upper body feels tight, and my legs below feel like jelly. So I am crawling on the grass, my stomach pushing fluids up, while I am trying to get oxygen IN, and I have sick stuck all in my throat. I am choking and I am afraid. I try to sip my water but it barely goes halfway down my stomach before my mouth explodes with it.
10:20pm - I am feeling drained and the effects of the 5-Meo-DALT are really, really strong. The bushes around the garden have faces and claws and they're moving, alot of shadows and doing things to each other and it's an all-out war between myself and everything around me. In the past I have been able to keep my inner voice with me, even if very faint, all the time on substances. In this instance, I was badly trying to find it, and I have not experienced a worse feeling than not being able to find myself like THIS.
10:25pm - I am sitting on S, and puking on the grass between my legs. The easiest way to describe how I was feeling is to show a little conversation.
'I am gonna die aren't I.'
'No, you're gonna be okay, you're just having a bit of a bad time.'
'No.. no.. urgh.. no.. I don't know what world I'm in.'
'Do you know who you are?'
'I know who I am. But I am gonna die.'
The night was just a Salvador Dali painting I was stuck in, that garden had lost all it's positive vibe and I was just stuck there my body just spazming trying to get something out of itself. I do believe, if hadn't died from the chemical itself, I could've died from choking on myself.
I think it was almost 11pm, when E came to me and asked me if I would like some medical assistance. They went to call me an ambulance. I felt like such a dumb shit, just unable to do anything. 'Get up, we need to walk to the end of the road, so that the ambulance doesn't come too close to the house. Or E's mum will go skitz.' I knew what the ambulance was for, but it felt like it was in another world. Like it didn't concern me that much and I would just do it later. After 5 or 10 minutes I managed to get up. X had me by the arms and escorted me down the road. I was walking like a drunk, but with a surprising amount of control for the state I was in. The road was peaceful, and that, I'd say, was the only pleasant part of my entire night; my walk to the ambulance.
Once they arrived, they were acting all fucking funny, and joking around. At the time I wanted to punch them, but that thought subsided rather quickly as I thought these guys were very important to my health right then. I was dizzying and it took me minutes to respond to questions they were asking. Mostly because I didn't care about the questions.
They put me in, and wanted to pump my stomach. I told them I'd vomited and they were fine with that. I could tell them my name, my address, everything, I was totally on autopilot. I was just listening to myself. On the way to the hospital I thought I'd died twice in the ambulance. There were alot of beeping noises, and one of the two times in particular, one noise that was the loudest, stopped. I thought I had died, and everything intensified. I looked at the paramedic, when the noise stopped, he got up very quickly. I thought my heart had failed, I thought he was reacting like this because he had to get equipment to bring me back. In that instant, I saw his arm move, and there were at least 5 arms, my brain must've been taking 'frames' very slowly or something. Because I saw the path his arm had travelled.
'AM I DEAD?!'
'No.' He sounded bored.
Once we got to the hospital, they said they couldn't do anything for me, but watch me and see if I get better or worse. (My friends had given up the rest of the 5-MeO-DALT to the paramedics hoping it would help them. But it didn't. Not one fucking bit.)
Nurse: 'What is this?'
Para: 'I dont know anything about it. Says 'not for human consumption.'.. why would you take something that says that?'
To which I said PSSHSHSHSHHHH!!! and tried to ride it out.
X came to see me in the ward and he looked twitchy as fuck. The ceiling and the curtains around my bed had patterns and everything in that ward was the same, and I kept getting spells of utter confusion and the noises in that place made me feel terrified. The fact that they couldn't give me anything made me feel worse. On top of that, X decided after 5 minutes that he HAD to go because he was tripped out so badly just sitting there.
Eventually I felt ok enough to realise I wasn't going to die, and that I was bored of sitting in that bed. I'd gone out for a cigarette twice in that time, and the outside was alright. It was very quiet, and I think for a while I was just enjoying looking at things. But my anxiety would bring all these bad feelings back once I got back inside.
After a long time of them doing nothing, I decided to sign myself out and go home. It was 2am or 3am by that time. I still had mild/strong visuals, alot of morphing but that was ok for me, I enjoyed that part as it was alot less overwhelming than before. I got into my taxi, had some absurd conversation with the driver, and got to my room. It felt cold, and empty, and I felt shattered, confused, and afraid to be alone. I was afraid to sleep, I was afraid I had done damage to my organs. I didn't hear ANY results from the doctors so I didn't know anything.
My anxiety kept me awake till the morning, and getting sleep was difficult and scary. While lying awake in bed the stand-on light from my laptop illuminated my room, and I would see things shift, and if I zoned into them they would become more defined and take on the form of what I call a 'hallucination'. The pleasant part visual wise was geometrical patterns when I had my eyes closed. This was pretty much the end of my night.
But the aftermath from this night has changed me, not drastically but enough. I am afraid to touch chemicals now, only weed. That same week I went to Somerset for a week, and spent a few days wondering on and off, if I really was dead or not.
Writing this report has also been difficult, and I've had my heart beat faster and faster just thinking back to it. It will take me another while to get back to my base, and this was two months ago. Even though I turned out alive, I was still very lucky I had friends who responded to me like they did, and I owe them.
Sorry for the long report. I tried to put in as much detail. Putting the effects of what it did to me into words has proven to be stressing on the brain. Just a confusing, cold, dark rainy night, in a world you're not sure is your own anymore, wondering where the hell your inner voice has gone, if it's ever coming back, or if it's gone because you won't need it anymore..
I think I OD'd perhaps. (5ft'2 @ 50kg) it is likely.
If doing this, as always, go from the ground up. I hadn't slept, nor eaten, I was hasty and made bad decisions. RC's are what they are, mysterious and if in a bad situation, terrifying.
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