Citation: Max. "Exponential Use: An Experience with Oxycodone & Alprazolam (exp87979)". Erowid.org. Dec 7, 2019. erowid.org/exp/87979
I plan on writing my complete opiate history in another report, as this is my first report written on Erowid. As I am writing this report I am 2 hours into the experience, so please forgive any glaring errors in spelling as well as any glaring omissions that seem pertinent to the reader. I've used opiates for the last six months, roughly twice a week, increasing dosages and consequently increasing my tolerance to what some may view as in a ridiculous range. I feel that it is worth noting that at the moment I am either not very physically dependent (I.e. No withdrawal symptoms are suffered) or have a very mild case of dependence. My psychological state though is uncountably sliding opposite direction. I am not unhappy, I love my opiates.
My friends mother has a hole in her spine the size of a quarter, this is where I acquire most of my Oxycodone. Last night after not doing Heroin since that morning the sweet call opiates are famous for, originating in my mind and slowly creeping its way throughout my body started again. I called up my friend, we'll call him Zachary, and asked if he had anything I could pick up the following day, 'I certainly do sir.' My mind was put a little more at ease knowing that I could return to that which I love the most the following day. As the moment in which I pick up my fix draws closer my mind comes up with endless situations in which for some unforeseeable reason, I will be deprived of my love. Panic attack may be too strong of a word, but it is something similar. Nervous energy fills my my body until the phenomenal moment when I'm handed anything that comes from the latex of a poppy. I was handed 20 7.5mg (7.5mg Oxycodone/500mg Acetominophen) Oxycodones and my mind was finally at ease, for the moment.
The rest of my ticks by as fast as if I was staring directly at the clock I've experienced ego death where the endlessness was of shorter duration. As the seconds pass by each one gets progressively long in duration. Right after receiving it I think about how it will feel when I get home on occasion, as the day goes on my thoughts wander to it more increasing frequency. It's 3:15pm, I arrive home.
Rushing up to my room with enough recklessness I actually knock over some things in the process. I immediately grab a coffee filter from my stack of them, rubber band it around the top of a cup, throw 10 pills (75mg worth) into another cup and pour 7ml of water over them. Proceeding with the cold water extraction technique that I will skip detailing for briefness and the sanity of my reader. It is undoubtedly important though because of the amount of Acetaminophen ingested could kill me if I hadn't taken the time to remove it.
3:38pm After performing the CWE (cold water extraction) I drank the mixture for a total of 75mg of Oxycodone on a stomach that had been empty since 10:30am that day. Anticipating the feeling to come did, and usually does, make me feel incredibly giddy, almost to the point of laughing out loud to no one but myself.
3:40pm I prepare another 75mg of oxy via the CWE. My mind is now truly at ease, I'm benefiting from the placebo effect that occurs, already feeling as if I'm already mildly high. This dose was not taken at this time
3:50pm Feeling like 150mg won't get me to my desired level of intoxication I take .125mg Alprazolam. My tolerance to benzodiazepines is ridiculously low from what I've heard from others. The night before I ingested .75mg Alprazolam at 4:00pm and was asleep from 6:30pm till 9:30 am the following day. The reason I include this is to demonstrate why such a low dose is being taken, I have no desire to overdose. I'm beginning to feel the oh so familiar warmth seeping into my bones. My room is very cold and a certain numbness enters my body, the cold ceases to concern me. Things that were on my mind, weather they trouble me or not start to fade. My mind slows the racing I'm accustomed to and begins slow peaceful thoughts.
4:00 The Oxycodone increased in strength, I darken my room and put on my traditional music, Kid Cudi ~ Man on the Moon. When I lie down I concentrate on the waves of euphoria that pass through my body, origins in my center. I mildly lose track of where my limns are, floating in blissfulness that no feeling naturally has come close to for me.
4:05 My motor coordination is further impaired due to The Alprazolam kicking in, my worry's that plague my mind ('I've taken to much.. Etc') get put even further on the back burner.
4:06 I take another quarter of my .5mg Xanax sublingually. Effects are still gaining strength.
4:24 The overall experience has not yet reached my desired level of intenseness so I drink half of the prepared CWE, 35mg Oxycodone. I begin to notice the experience plateauing, this is not desirable. The intense waves are dying off being replaced by the dominating feeling of a lack of feeling.
4:40 The waves creep back, less intense before but still relaxing. This is still not strong enough for me, I hope that it is not a waste. Traveling downstairs I notice a stronger sense of motor impairment than I'm used to at this level of an opiate high, I assume it is from the Xanax.
5:02 Having plateaued, I take my last 35mg (Oxycodone) of the solution hoping it will either increase the duration of the experience or possibly even strengthen it.
5:20 I started writing the report around this time, strong desires to socialize are melting together with my love of life at this point. I realize that this dose, while ridiculously high looking for someone with no tolerance to a mild tolerance, is too low for me. I should have consumed all chemicals at once.
6:39 I have now caught up with myself, between my last entry and this one I have done many trivial things not worth mentioning. I'm attempting to only include pertinent information in this report. I'm riding out the tail end of this trip, as my tolerance has increased the duration and pleasant effects of opiates has done the opposite thing and decreased. As I write this I'm already dwelling on how and when I will get to experience this again, If I could live on opiates forever I would. But access and monetary issues almost insure that that is a fantasy I would be trying to live. So I have to continue the constant battle. One where I am already losing, one where I want nothing more than to win but I know I never can. So I limit myself, as much I do this though, I fear it won't be enough. If I cannot get a handle on this soon and decrease the number of days a week I use I fear the monkey on my back could turn into a gorilla. Although there is no physical tolerance yet (I go for three days at a time no worse for wear sometimes in order to insure I'm not dependent) It's getting closer, I can feel. I'm scared, I love opiates and I want to never stop. All I have to do is limit my use to once a week or less, such an easy thing to say. Much harder to do.
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