Citation: edaz. "Beyond The Closed Door: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp88119)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2012. erowid.org/exp/88119
The experience came about one night as I was sitting in my dorm alone, bored, trying to think of something exciting to do. And so I remembered I had some Salvia stored away. I had done Salvia twice prior, once 5x, the other 10x, of which I still had a good portion left.
My other two experiences were completely manageable and mostly pleasant, I was with good friends both times. Both times I had the visual sensation of everything being very cartoony and colorful, the sensation of being two-dimensional, and the sensation of being 'on the verge' of something, some other place. So I figured if I managed fine those other times, I could manage fine this time, even without anyone present, despite that I have read many a time that it's not a wise thing to do.
Of course there were other considerations I had to attend to first, I started trying to cover the smoke detector in my room, but I couldn't find a way to do it. So instead I draped a blanket over two chairs, figuring i could blow the smoke into there to keep it from rising.
I took out the Salvia and pinched some of it into my ceramic bowl. It was more than I had used before, but again I figured it would be fine. My plan was to just sit and relax and listen to some music. That didn't quite work out.
I lit it, inhaled deeply, in fact I inhaled the entirety of what I had loaded into the bowl, and held it until I started feeling the effects.
At first, very briefly, I would say for about 1 second, it was the familiar feeling, and then all of a sudden, with absolutely no transition I was somewhere else.
This is the part in any trip story where it gets hard to explain with the words that we have. I suddenly became 'unstuck' from this reality. I stood up from under the blanket, and I saw the bowl in my hand, but it ceased to be just an ordinary object that I was holding, but something extremely significant, almost a part of me, in a way that I didn't understand, but I was too disoriented to ponder any of this. Really I didn't even know what it was in my hand. Just some weird thing. I was completely unaware of what was going on, I didn't know where I was, what I was doing.
Then I felt that not only was I in some new realm or dimension, but that I WAS that realm, me and that realm were parts of each other, inseparable.
The past 2 times I had used Salvia also included a sense of repeating cyclical rhythm. I would do some gesture and feel compelled to do the same thing over and over again. This happened again. I began to make a swinging motion with my arm. Except this time, every time I did the motion, I felt like I was moving and morphing into another dimension within the previous one, like a fractal.
As I rhythmically morphed from one realm into another repeatedly, I felt a presence. I didn't see any beings or anything like that, but I just had a sense that someone was doing this. Reflecting back now, I feel that I was understanding the very unique personality of the plant, the spirit of Salvia, as some call it. I really understand why it is so often personified, because it's so not just a general weird dissociative feeling, it really is like being under the spell of a specific entity.
At this point I began to be truly frightened that I would never be able to get back to the right realm. That my entire life up to this point, everything I've known was just in one arbitrary realm and now it was time to go into another one, leaving everything behind forever. Like finding out your whole life was a dream. I couldn't deal with that, so I started trying to struggle my way back and find my head.
At this point I pulled at my phone to look through my list of contacts to reassure myself of my own existence and the definiteness of this world. By this time I was starting to come back. I realized that it was just the substance that was doing it to me, and that everything was going to go back to normal. And yet, even after the peak is over, I still had these lingering effects for a few minutes. Although I was not in them anymore, I still had the sense that there were other dimensions.
This was the most revelatory part, because I certainly (and unfortunately) couldn't grab anything meaningful from the confusion and terror of the peak as it was occurring. I felt a bigness of mind at this point. After being in and out of other worlds, I had the sense that this life and all our daily experiences are so very limited because they take place in only one, but for this moment I was not limited. I felt a consciousness bigger than my own senses. For example, although I was in a room, door closed, I had a sense that there was nothing really enclosing about the room. Not that I could literally see it, but I had an awareness of beyond the closed door, and everything else. It was a feeling of broadness and connectedness, which harmonizes nicely with certain spiritual teachings. I have since wondered how 'true' these feelings really were, or whether they were just a substance-induced delusion.
Probably a combination of being alone, the anxiety of getting caught, and the higher dosage is what lead to this particular experience being much less tame than the others. It hasn't scared me off of Salvia for life, but I won't be doing it alone again.
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