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Shaman's Death
Cacti - T. peruvianus & Cannabis
by Tim
Citation:   Tim. "Shaman's Death: An Experience with Cacti - T. peruvianus & Cannabis (exp88260)". Erowid.org. Sep 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/88260

 
DOSE:
50 g oral Cacti - T. peruvianus
  250 hits smoked Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


I've done peruvian torch several times before but this was a night unlike any other I've ever seen in my life. I figured I would introduce a 'friend' of ours to the mystical power of peyote since he was firmly interested and had experianced psychedelics before. Being that of AMT, Mushrooms, and LSD. This man was into drugs and their qualities of the mind and did not believe in spirit. We rented a campsite and had everything prepared. We started the night out as trusting associates. I was in no way prepared for what was to come.

We lit a cheerful fire around the a fire pit and began eating the mescaline cactus. He had eaten his dose early before picking me up from work and puked all over his car on the way there-so he took another 1/2 dose in case. I felt that restless energy as I always have done before so I did a little dance I had learned from carlos castaneda books. I moved in a tai chi dance manipulating my own energy field and giving my own heart and spirit into the fire. I stomped my foot firmly and pointed in all directions. I felt the power building up and I began to rise with it. I pointed it out to everyone. It was me and him and my gf who did not dose because she was pregnant.

After this native dance I sat down and we smoked. The smoke completely threw me off and set me into a panic state. I felt I had lost inner control of my self and was heading into a disaster I did not want to face. I felt this familiar paranoid feeling build up in me. That same awful feeling. I truly felt my gf was sending this guy sexual cues that she wanted to be with him. I held my ground and with only compassion, I began to touch the fire yet it would not burn me. I played with it and began flapping my arms up and down, as if giving the smoke to the sky. I held as strong as I could and would not let my spirit be broken by the pain I felt deeply in my heart. I kept moving forward without fear. I stood very close to the fire and waved my arms up and down, giving the smoke to the sky. I did not realize what I was doing at the time but soon it quickly unfolded. When I touched the fire, I became fire myself. The fire in the pit merged with the same fire inside of me, my own spirit, my fire burning from within. I began to flap the smoke harder and lost my body in the flames. Words cannot describe what I endured that night but I felt all the pain, all the woe, all the sorrow from this soul who did not believe in his own inner flame and I kept shoving it down his throat, pushing it, preaching it, and showing acts of power. I praised out loud that everything we felt, everything we are, was right here in this fire, it was all one with us and when my fire churned, the fire moved with it. This was not a hallucinations, as I did not get much from this trip, only a direct realization that what I was doing was realer than real.

At that point, the other man who had taken this, could not deny the act of power I was showing. My gf, was truly worried and had never seen me act like that -- to her I looked like some schizophrenic raving lunatic, but I did not care, I knew what I was doing and not shame or guilt would stop, I was touched by power and would demonstrate it without being burdened by the feeling of self-stupidity. There was no doubt in the world, in my eyes, or his of what I was doing. He purged, several times. Hard.

I remember saying 'YES! YES! IT'S GOOD. LET HIM PUKE. IT IS GOOD. LET IT ALL OUT. YES!!!! JUST LIKE THAT. IT'S GOOD FOR HIM!'

I kept saying, 'it's all right here, yes, you feel that!? YES MY FRIEND! THIS IS YOUR FIRE, THIS IS YOUR SPIRIT, FEEL IT BURN WITHIN, WE ARE ALL ONE TOGETHER IN THIS FIRE!' At this point I was weeping horribly, I could feel his sadness, his pain, I knew he had be so, to heal his inner wounds, I wept horribly but would not flinch in fear or pity. I gave no quarter. I experianced a powerful telepathic connection with him and just to prove to him it was real, I spoke to him without saying any words, I was speaking so loudly, yet nothing was coming out of my mouth, only my hands, my body language was talking, yet he understood down to a T everything I had said to him.

'YES! I CAN SEE YOU NOW, YOU SEE I CAN SEE YOU! DO YOU SEE NOW? DO YOU BELIEVE IN GREAT SPIRIT!? WE ARE ALL ONE!' I walked over to the tree to wipe my snot on it and touched it and saw its face within. It was a playful tree indeed, full of humor and still young with much to see. I stood over the fire and after a while of flapping my arms, giving smoke to the sky, I felt my arms flapping faster, I could no longer feel my body and I flew. How I did this, I cannot describe in words but I flew and took off like a bird. I flapped my arms hard, just like a bird and flew high above the horizon, where I could see everything. I flew just like a bird, as a bird does, that is the only way I can describe it.

It was the best feeling in my life, which quickly followed by what was experianced as the worst feeling in my life. I felt something ominous and evil coming and knew that death was coming for me and became immensely afraid. I knew I had to die and this death that was coming had no quarter and no forgiveness. That night I died, but yet I am still alive. I died a horrible, yet beautiful death at the same time. Everything that I was became nothing and I stood unflinchingly in front of this force ready to accept my fate with only my heart left. I gave every chunk of what I had when I stood in front of this force. I was ready to let it all go in the drop of a hat and it had to be so. I died just like a person dies normally, yet I lived. The poor soul who had brought along for the trip was completely baffled and to a degree scared for me and for himself, he felt my death too, but not his, he could not come close to that. After that I ran for my life, I screamed to death 'COME AND GET ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!' and ran as hard as I could and he followed behind. I took off like a missile. Other campers nearby seemed frightened and probably thought there were demons in the woods.

When we reached the beach access stairs I purged harder than I had ever had in my life. I puked all the shit out and growled furiously as I did. I sounded and felt like a wild animal, like a wolf spirit. After that, things calmed down immensely. We made our way back to the tent and lie there, even though we were still tripping, the experiance was basically over. He took us home in the morning and that was that.

As for him, I cannot judge him but I will say I definitely brought out the worst him in him that night, as a scorpio ascendant like me is used to doing. I will say that he now believes in spirit and has told me his life will be forever changed by this and that he had never had a more powerful psychedelic experiance. As far as what happened between him and my girl, I do not truly honestly know if she really liked him like that or not, I take it only as a push toward my personal death, which annihilated any kind of sense of self importance I had left. I think she understands now that I am willing to die right on the spot for her and for my unalterable love for great spirit.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 88260
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Sep 27, 2021Views: 355
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Cacti - T. peruvianus (69) : Relationships (44), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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