Citation: This Is Not Me. "The Very Angry Lady: An Experience with Methamphetamine, Mushrooms, Ecstasy & Nitrous Oxide (exp884)". Erowid.org. Sep 9, 2000. erowid.org/exp/884
Well where to begin. I have been experimenting with drugs for quite a while now, and have seen, and experienced some amazing things while in these altered states, but nothing could have prepared me to what happened this past weekend.
I went out last friday night at around 10:30, I was a little tired so I had a small bump of crystal. Awake and ready to go now, my friends and I planned on going to this small underground rave. If it was good we all were going to do some E. Well we got there and of course it was good, so we dosed. Nice high but still early, got offered some mushrooms, decide to ingest 1g. Having a good time dancing, sitting, watching. But a strange high. At times feel very messy, then I have periods of total clairvoyance. Decide to split another E with my friend. Now very high, perfect. It is probably around 7am now, first time actually concerned with time. Have had a couple of balloons earlier with the usual euphoria, colored patterns I am used to. Strangely I feel compelled to get another balloon, after watching these two people who have been constantly huffing for 3 hours or so. I feel weird around them, and also concerned with their well being. They are mobile and talking, but to me they really stick out--as if they have been possessed by other creatures, they are just a little off, as if they're trying to fit in with everyone.
So here goes, start huffing. On first breath feel different than usual, second I feel cold and really slow, third I feel undescribable. What happened next was shocking. I was myself, or my conscious being. In a void, red in color, with other presences, the most powerful being a woman. There is no language here, singing and thoughts are around though. I am content, I feel as if I am home and very safe. Suddenly this female presence becomes aware of my presence, she greets me nicely but acts surprised to see me. She realizes that I am not supposed to be here, and I feel as if she is extremely dissapointed with me, for reasons I am unaware. I begin to feel very unsafe, she is very powerful and extremely angry. I am confused by her anger, since I feel at home, then she grabs me by the shoulders, or where my shoulder should be since I lack a physical bocdy and shakes me violently like a doll. (my memory of this came about an hour later actually, but I will continue) my next conscious memory was very strange to say the least. I could make out rows of colored lights, visuals acid like, but I was stuck. I saw the lights, and only the lights, I couldn't move and I felt like someone had hid the pause button on my life. I could hear sounds, and I was getting extremely frightened. I didn't know what was going on, I thought that my whole life was a joke, as if everything that has happened in my 22 years did not actually happen. Slowly I realized who I was and where I was. My friend digitally appeared beside me, and I grabbed his leg and said,'stop the lady.' I realized that he was coming out of his nitrous trip, and for the first time realized that I had just done nitrous as well. Realizing that what I had experienced was also a nitrous induced trip. I found this to be an impossible answer. I forgot that I had actually done a balloon. I usually huff till I can't anymore (roughly 25 breaths), but I remember only taking 3! I was very confused for awhile and a little distressed, I thought that I belonged in the void, and was curious as to why I was here in the physical dimension.
Later that day, I was driving with my friend in a parking lot. There was only a truck delivering something to a store--I don't remember this either, but my friend later told me--I drove slowly at the truck, staring directly into it's headlights, and shouted,'open the gates I'm coming in.'
Thinking back on it, it was a very powerful experience to say the least. I honestly feel that I was not tripping, that it was actually all real. I don't plan on quitting drugs, but I will never do nitrous again.
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