DOSE: T+ 0:00	1.5 tsp	oral	Nutmeg	(ground / crushed)
T+ 5:00	1 tsp	oral	Nutmeg	(ground / crushed)
T+ 0:00		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

60 kg

Nothing

I had really high hopes for nutmeg, as I had been feeling deeply sad - with good reason, I might add - for a long time now.
Today, my sadness and apathy were increased by an unexpected blow to my bank account which undermines even my physical sustenance.

It may sound as if I am in a desperate state - and I am, but I am not panicking or agitated or even crying. Nothing like that. Just deeply saddened by the thought of much happier days gone by, which will never come again. (Oh well, now my eyes ARE full of tears all of the sudden.)

Anyway, I had been wanting to try nutmeg - just to get a reprieve from the bleak sight of my life and perhaps to work better (I do creative work, so I always work much better and faster when I am light-hearted) - and today, just after I learned about my financial loss, I did. I bought a package containing three whole nuts and a tiny grater (shredder). The expiration date is in 3+ years from now.

I knew enough about nutmeg to go for the lowest - 'threshold' or thereabouts - dose, as I didn't want to experience any nastiness, or even hallucinations - just to lift my sadness a little. With that in mind, I grated about a teaspoon and a half of nutmeg directly into a plastic cup, mixed it with a little chocolate powder (unsweetened) and drank it. This was about 20:30.

As I hadn't eaten anything that day, I ate a good chunk of mozzarella about half an hour after the ingestion of the nutmeg.
After that, I went to work. I wrote a little, then searched the internet, and so on. Just my usual work.

All the while my thoughts kept running back to the events of this miserable day, and to the past, and to all the things and people - to the future past - that I loved so much and will never have again. It was difficult to keep shaking it off in order to work, but I persisted. I am used to it.

In the five hours after the ingestion of the first dose of nutmeg I had not felt anything but crushing sadness, so I thought it probably wasn't enough, or maybe the chocolate interfered with it somehow. So I took another dose: a teaspoon, maybe a little more, of nutmeg, again with cocoa and a little brown sugar.

All the while I did not drink anything else except a small bottle of aloe vera juice from time to time, and two glasses of water (not because of thirst but because I wanted to prevent some of the effects of nutmeg mentioned by others.) I also smoke the occasional cigarette (ordinary tobacco).

It is now about an hour after the ingestion of that second dose - and more than six hours after the ingestion of the first dose - and I still don't feel anything unusual or worth mentioning.

Like I said, all I wanted was something to ease my heart for a while.
But even that is too much for me to ask, it seems.
Pity.

Maybe it works like alcohol works on many people: if you're in a merry mood, it makes it even merrier (for a while); if you're sad, it'll make you even sadder.

N.B. I am not on any medication, do not take any drugs, but I do regularly take Dramamine to help me with my chronic insomnia.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 88786
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: May 20, 2019	Views: 767
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Nutmeg (41) : Alone (16), Depression (15), First Times (2)