Citation: theninja. "Just Above and Behind Myself: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp88841)". Erowid.org. Nov 2, 2020. erowid.org/exp/88841
When I was in college, a classmate gave me a drug I had not ever heard of before. For me, this was quite unusual as I have taken mass quantities of illegal substances in my life; LSD, mushrooms, peyote, ecstasy, marijuana, add all other possible drugs to this list. Oh this is legal? Now I understand. The concept of this being a legal drug really set my expectations low. A quick high with possible paranoia and giggles. This is what I half expected. This is my account of the trip as it was happening. I was typing this out as soon as I came down enough to coherently use my fingers.
I did not know what to expect really. I had not tripped in several years so I had little physical memory for reference. I decided to smoke about half of the dark violet, almost black, dried herbs hoping to get a good buzz for the first time trying it. I wrote this as I was experiencing it and for some reason unbeknown to me I wrote (and could not force myself at that point in my narration to write in present tense) in past tense only. Strange this drug was indeed. I have done more than my share (and maybe some of others shares too) of mind-altering drugs in my life and this was the most foreign feeling I have ever purposely undertaken. I was alone in my small one bedroom apartment. I had taken a ridiculous measure of care in hiding all things dangerous or scary. I was comfortable with doing it alone no matter the ride.
I inhaled the smoke from a water bong and remembered to hold my breath for as long as I could, as directed by acquaintance. I was also told to have a chaperone at hand before ingesting this drug but that rule was clearly already broken. After a very short period of about 30 seconds I noticed the quick change in colors and the detailed yet filmy quality of the effects of my hallucinating. It was only a layer or two at most, but the layers were there, transfixed in my vision at every angle. I then became aware of having, or what seemed to be, a sort of out-of-body experience. I was not completely outside of my body but just above and behind myself by no more than centimeters, maybe even millimeters but who was there to measure such a thing? I was askew in every meaning of the word. I felt the inside of my mouth burning from the chili I had eaten just minutes before. It was burning badly at this point due to my mouth being closed for so long and I could taste the individual spices I had put into my chili. Beyond viewing this reaction, I could step away from the pain and go elsewhere. Only when I drew in to inspect it closely did I really feel the total burning sensation. It was a very interesting feeling to be outside of my senses when I chose. Having a full stomach unattached to me in the void I was in made my hunger immensely stronger. I reconnected it with my mind to keep from feeling so ravenous. Going back to the pain in my mouth was a conscience decision I made, only to experience pain with some control which was something I had not done before with much practice.
I then realized I was still holding my breath. I questioned my own body through the intimate machinery of personal thought. The little wheels and levers silently cranked out more unspoken words. How long it would take before my being would either somehow physically warn me of needing oxygen or plainly pass out from the lack of it? I heard an echo of my questioning come back to me only a fraction of a second after I had thought the words themselves. I decided to finally exhale and experience breathing in the cold air that tried to touch me from the outside of my spiritual being. It was disappointing to be filled with something feeling so foreign. I felt more connected with my physical body than before. It took a real thought of doing so to remove myself once more. It was not difficult in practice, but I had to make a conscious effort to leave unlike the first time. I let the disappointment slide quickly away from me and went inside my apartment to continue the experience in a more familiar environment.
I had to return to the cold night air about thirty minutes after leaving it. Unlike other hallucinogens I have taken, my patience did not react well with organic objects such as my television screen or music playing or a black lights' luminescence. They were all familiar aliens; ones I did not like and would not share my time with. I went out and smoked again, and practically ran inside. My body was filled with this nervous (but not completely uncomfortable) energy that I could barely contain, and the intensity of it was being to scare me. To conquer my fear of the unknown I simply laughed out of pure instinct. I found myself laughing and eventually roaring over a spoon full of chili which I was only half-making to my bowl from the pot only inches away. I continued roaring after my laughter died away and noticed I was one of only thousands doing it. A huge crowd of warring Asian people fought on the television screen that played behind my view. They only lacked my wide ear-splitting grin and spoon full of chili, otherwise we were as one driving army with our fierce battle cries. That is when I decided I could no longer continue writing, as this much information was probably enough to fill my scientific purpose.
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