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A Psychedelic Quilt for My Inner Universe
Citation:   Little Brown Bird. "A Psychedelic Quilt for My Inner Universe: An Experience with 5-MeO-MIPT (exp88854)". Apr 5, 2011.

T+ 0:00
7 mg rectal 5-MeO-MIPT (capsule)
  T+ 2:35 1 hit smoked Cannabis  
My boyfriend (B) and I got the 5-meo-mipt from our usual dealer. He was very interested to hear a report back on it, since he'd only heard 'very sketchy' reports. B and I had been planning this trip for about a week, thinking it would be a warm and cuddly evening. We have been together for almost two years, so we're very comfortable around each other.

I am always an unusually sensitive tripper (I am small, have mild synesthesia, a personal history of depression, various psychoses in my family). I have been tripping for about a year and half, regularly for the past 8 months.

We had two 8 mg capsules. B (who has a high tolerance for most things) and I decided that I would break open my capsule and give him all the residue on the larger half. We took them by suppository to speed and increase effects since we'd eaten dinner about an hour ago. I also knew this would minimize any potential nausea.

+0:00 - ~7 mg by suppository

I don't feel much for a while, some tension in chest and shoulders, a burning feeling like stomach acid going up my center. Nothing too interesting or uncomfortable. We sit together and talk.

+1:10 - I am feeling tired, as if forced to be slow. B and I have been talking, and we try a bit of cuddling too. Although it feels nice, I seem to be too slow and only want to feel our bodies move gently together. My sense of touch is very alive, but there doesn't seem to be anything special about the places where I usually get turned on; it's all just great sensation. It's been an hour since we took the substance, so I don't figure we'll get much higher (boy was I wrong), and I decided then that I'd rate it as a 1.5 on Shulgin's scale.

From here, my sequencing gets a bit uncertain as the trip really sets in.

I start not wanting to talk and feel withdrawn. My closed eye visuals have become very elaborate, so I tell B about them. 'Thick patterns of diamonds popping up and interconnecting… elephants spiraling toward a center… red and green and white… now with gold…'

I open my eyes and looking at B is hard because my vision is fuzzy, slidey and out of focus. I look at the lamp, and I don't know what it's for. I don't know what anything is for, in a room full of stuff (desk, computer, chair, jacket, backpack, bed, B…).

I tell B, and he talks me through some potential meanings for the lamp. He uses the dimmer to turn it bright then dim. I shiver. 'What is it for?' 'It makes me shiver.'

I don't seem to be able to form complete thoughts, though I can string together feelings and ideas in order to keep a conversation going. I feel confused. I am very vulnerable, so I'm glad to be with someone I trust.

I ask B to put on some music, then I go to the bathroom. As I pee, I feel my entire right side sliding suddenly downward. The left side is unfazed, but my right is streaming down into something distinctly unknown. Half the toilet is going with it. Half the room. I get up and walk back to the bedroom.

B puts on music, Lemonjelly 'What do you do in the bath?' but it's too electronic sounding and I close the computer after less than a minute. I think I was more interested in something like Iron & Wine to ease the weirdness and get really involved in.

I ask to move around, so we do. We sort of dance in the middle of the room, and this clears my head some. Every movement is a strangeness, a surprise. I delight in little twirls, in bringing B with me through them even as he guides them. I think the sound of his breath and body is the right kind of music for this moment. However, I feel very alien, and he feels like a different kind of alien, and in that way it is hard to be close.

I sit down on the bed, trying to line up my spine. B and I talk. I don't remember our conversation well, but I can see the room shifting and dissolving. We talk about power, how people want to control things and will do that with money, or by thinking they have understanding of a spiritual realm. These two methods seem little different. B asks me what we can do, what we can control. I whisper, 'Want only happiness for others.' I feel myself locking into this idea, wrapping my consciousness around it and feeling totally overwhelmed. This trip has definitely become a 4 on Shulgin's scale, a psychedelic experience to restructure my understanding of the universe.

B puts his hand on my chest, tells me I'm breathing quickly. He takes my pulse. These actions pull me back in a bit, and I realize I have been feeling extremely lightheaded. All the colorful movement of the room had darkened and slowed, like my thoughts. I thank B for reminding me to notice that and drink some water. The water is amazing but my stomach is not so keen on it. I will have waves of nausea all evening, though they are never unbearable.

I lie down and close my eyes, following the visions inward. I am, as I have been lately, terrified by what I find in there. It's empty. I hate that. B keeps talking with me. Where is this 'inside' that I look at? I put my hand on my sternum; it's in my heart. I tell him that I wish it felt warm and colorful, like a quilt. He asks when is the last time it felt that way. I say, 'When I ran.' This is a turning point for me, somehow, and I feel a hugeness rising up, coming out as tears, all the emptiness and all the sharpness. The warmth of crying fills me, this incredibly human welling of emotion. I tell this to B, and in my closed eyes I can see the quilt - it is in a Native American style, woven sunset colors fading and rolling together, with silhouettes of birds interspersed all around it. I feel almost all the tension leave my body. Except for one spot. B encourages me to work on this one too. I don't get it, but I am not unhappy about it. I feel complete; my shoulder is just sore.

We lie together for a while and things get a bit calmer.

+2:15 - We decide to go for a walk so B can smoke a bowl. I bundle up a bit, enjoying my hat and mittens. I glance at the clock on the way out.

Outside, the Christmas lights across the street are beautiful, their colors splitting and spreading gently into subdued sunset colors. We pass a house under construction, and I find its angles and empty places fascinating. I am very excited to see the ocean from the bluffs; it feels big and full and connected.

I enjoy the walk but after a few hits B seems extremely distant. I ask if he'll still be here since he's high, and he says maybe. I thank him for being honest but it still doesn't feel good. We walk along the bluffs. I pick up downed palm fronds and play with them.

+2:35 - I have a small hit of the marijuana. It's oddly clarifying, as if all the bottomlessness of incoherent meaning in everything has gotten a new soft rubber floor. It's all still interesting and full of meaning, but not precipitously trying to suck me in. I don't think I've ever experienced marijuana as clarifying, but neither B nor I smoke very much, and substances will surprise you.

I look at B and can see his face clearly, as if for the first time. I am taken aback, wonderfully drawn in. We talk, and I feel completely on the same page with him. We watch the ocean, hear the waves and the rain. It's hard for us to decide to want to go back, so we go slowly. B says he feels a bit different from his usual marijuana high.

I feel like I am starting to slide slowly toward coming down the same way I slowly and gently came up.

+3:35 - Back at the house, we sit outside and stare out at the hills. We talk more, checking in about feeling close and connected. We talk about B's way of thinking, our perceptions of it. I find his thinking a bit narrow and circular when he's high, but we manage to steer the conversation to very exciting understandings.

We kiss, and B is very turned on. I just enjoy the sensations.

+4:05 - We go inside, and I have a snack while we talk more in bed. Eating is extremely pleasurable, though my stomach complains a bit. I know that I am not sleeping for a while, and B agrees to sit up with me as long as he can. We keep talking. Although my memories of the conversation are unclear, I remember the feeling and ideas behind most of it.

Eventually B falls asleep. As I lie quietly, I find myself fixating on images of dead things. This is unpleasant, but I'm able to take deep breaths and dissolve the unpleasantness, and after I while I also sleep.

I am uncomfortable, sleeping lightly and moving a lot.

+10:50 - I wake up feeling rested and eager to share this trip, so I start typing up this experience report while B still sleeps. My closed-eye are still unusually intense, as is the tension in my back.

Overall, I found 5-meo-mipt, which a friend had told me would be like a very slow, emotional roll, to be one of the most intense substances I have ever used. I can think of two or three other powerful doses that have effected me on the same level (mescaline, candy-flipping, maybe my first mushroom trip).

The come-up seemed sneaky, since it was a bit like being stoned (as described in Tihkal). Then it became a complete psychedelic reset for my state of mind. I was able to dig into my personal shit and confront the pain there and do something about it. The extreme thirst, nausea, dizziness, and accelerated heart rate were a bit concerning. I was at one point close enough to blacking out that I was aware we might need to call for help. I have noticed this feeling of body load verging on something like toxicity with other research chemicals at normal doses. 5-meo-mipt's effects were beautiful, ephemeral, profound, and undeniably weird. I feel grateful for the experience. These positive emotions are a wonderful take-home message.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 88854
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Apr 5, 2011Views: 29,975
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5-MeO-MIPT (287) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Sex Discussion (14), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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