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Toilet Seat Trip
by Nathan Bloot
Citation:   Nathan Bloot. "Toilet Seat Trip: An Experience with Cannabis (exp88873)". Dec 27, 2015.

T+ 0:00
0.5 g oral Cannabis (cookie / food)
  T+ 1:00 1 g smoked Cannabis (plant material)


It was a late-fall day, and my friend has prepared some dank firecrackers for me out of .5 gram of these headies called “headband”, a strain that had been wreaking havoc all through my group of friends, notorious for it's huge peak and devastating low. The strain is named after an iconic feeling you get while under it's influence, you feel like you have the biggest headband fucking ever on. I planned on eating the firecracker during school (first mistake), since I wouldn't be around for the weekend's festivities, I would get real high on Thursday, but come down in time to do some school work at a friends. I had eaten brownies before, and I was/still am a frequent smoker, so I thought little of the day ahead of me. Hah, little did I know...

I munched down the cracker at around 1:00, allowing 30-40 minutes before my gym class (I was psyched) for it to set in. It crept up slowly, and I almost didn't notice it, but looking back, it started somewhere in the middle of gym, and that was the most incredible gym class ever. I don't think I did much beside stand there, but I thought I was in 'nam, so it's cool.

After gym class, I made the first mistake of the day. It was 2:00, and I could feel the body high, but my head was relatively clear. My friend asked if I wanted to go smoke a couple bowls before school ended. Now, you must understand that I smoke fairly regularly, and I've gotten pretty fucking stoned, but I had never been too high, you know? Like completely fucking bonkers. I had a feeling there was a line that once crossed brought you into the realm of the hopelessly ripped, but I was not sure where it was or what it would take to get there. After that fateful day, my definition of baked would change forever.

I agreed to smoke.

We trudged on over to a pretty spot off school grounds, sat down and began smoking. It felt like the moment that ganja smoke whipped down my throat and swirled around in my lungs, I was infinitely higher, an effect I had never felt before and it unsettled me a little. Two bowls (roughly 1 gram) later, and I'm gone. Straight up destroyed. Really. Fucking. Baked. I recall that my two friends were talking about something and packing up, but I was too busy looking down at my body and and thinking that I looked like a giant robot or a puppet or something. I don't remember the walk back at all. Shit. I just realized that. Anyways, we returned to school just as the last bell was ringing, and as it rung, feelings of anxiety and fear pervaded my body. I did NOT want to be in school, let alone... crossroads.

After school at my school, literally every student and their dog likes to form a gigantic crowed at a spot in the center of the school called Crossroads. It's actually pretty convenient for socializing and planning shit out normally, but not when you feel like you're riding a space-horse with Jesus, like me. I knew my eyes were blood red, I probably smelled, and I could not properly formulate a sentence. I tried to look down and avoid eye contact as much as possible, but a lot of people saw me, and each person would say “Haha you fuckin' idiot! You're so high!” or “You're eyes are so red”. Safe to say, I was TWEAKING THE FUCK OUT. I kept going to my friends saying “Yo, man, we gotta get out of here! We're not supposed to be here”, like that made any sense, and they just laughed at me.

Eventually, what seemed like 26 hours later, we were walking the halls and I was feeling a little better, but still anxious. I had only been able to put eye-drops in one eye, as I ran out of drops before I could put some in the other, so I just looked goofy. This was one of the various relative lows that tricked me into thinking I was coming down. At various points, I felt like I was less high than before, but then it would smack me in the face again. This particular instance was probably me coming down off of smoking, but I'm not sure.

By some strange anomaly of space-time, we ended up in the cafeteria at what I can only assume was around 3:00. It was darkish in there, but I didn't mind, I was just chillin' on the table, minding my own business. My friends were talking about something, but sitting on the table I was just so god damn comfortable and HOLY SHIT DID I JUST FALL ASLEEP? I did. I fell the fuck asleep. Shit. Clearly I was still way too high. I began to feel like I was drunk, almost, like I was falling slowly backwards through sand. I was hella-dizzy, and felt a little weird in my belly. I jumped up (mistake), got SUPER lightheaded and shouted “GUYS! I'm tooooo high!” and they just stared at me and said “Yes you are, you are so pale!” and I said “I know! I gotta go to the baffroom, aight” they just laughed, and I sprinted over to an inconspicuous hidden bathroom to chill out.

Now, four things happened to me on that toilet. The first was that I had the most satisfying dump of my life. The second was that I apparently lost control of my major muscle groups, as random parts of my body would just give out, causing me to bob and fall over at times. The third and most fascinating thing was that I began to hallucinate. Not just like, oh things look a little different, straight up seeing shit. The floor was a grid pattern and I stared at it forever! It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! It was pulsing and vibrating and always changing. It would cycle through different ways of pulsing and moving like Christmas lights. I also saw what I can only describe as golden helices everywhere floating across my vision. Also spaceships. Lots of spaceships.

The final thing that happened to me in the bathroom was that I obviously lost track of any sense of time, for when I peered at my phone to check the time, it was six o'fuckingclock. I had sat on this toilet for..... drumroll.... 3 fucking hours. How had I done that? It felt like 15 minutes at MOST. Jesus.

I realized I had to leave, and in a delicate process of moving my body ever so slowly, I raised myself off of the toilet seat and called my friend Dane. Still stoned as shit.

He answers, “Hey JP, what's up?”
“Yo, I'm in the bathroom.... uh..”
“What? Are you okay?”
“Are you okay?”
“I'm in the bathroom.”
“You're stoned aren't you”
“Very” and then I started laughing hysterically.

Eventually, Dane found me and brought me to his house, where I ate a lot of delicious food, played with his bunnies (fucking rad) and had mad intellectual talks. I left his house at 9:30ish, and realized something. I thought I had come down, but no, I was actually so stoned for so long that I just got used to it... I was still high, but being high just felt normal at this point. Once I got home, I sank the fuck into the couch. And slept for two hours. Upon waking, realized I was still destroyed, I hiked to my room and fell asleep. I awoke sober, but feeling... odd... I went over the events and realized that I should never mix a heavy body high (firecracker) with a heavy heady high (smokin' headband). Though, looking back, it was not a bad experience, because now I know and recognize my boundaries. Another lasting effect of the trip was that my tolerance went WAY down, but in a strange way. I get super high, but sober up within two or three hours. The strangest after-effect of the trip is that ever since that day, I have a narrating conscience, something I did not have before. It feels like a separate entity from myself just talking about what I'm doing, feeling, or looking at. It's by far the strangest thing I've ever experienced mentally.

I haven't eaten firecrackers since, but I'm curious. Let this be a warning to those experimenting with heavy edibles. They are no joke! And you will be stoned off your ass! Or in my case, on your ass... on a toilet seat... for three hours.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 88873
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Dec 27, 2015Views: 2,461
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Various (28)

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