Citation: Synergy. "A Trip Worse Than Death: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (40x extract) (exp89223)". Erowid.org. Apr 21, 2020. erowid.org/exp/89223
It had been over a year since I had tripped on anything and had had only tried Salvias unfortified leaves once ten years ago. That time it was so mild as to be like being on shrooms for just a few seconds.
For the last two months I had been on Salvia's trail, been reading about it/her, listening to Terence McKenna, asking people I knew who tried it. I had it in mind that as soon as I could, I would trip on Salvia.
The night before my 'trip' which is a word that I don't like using for this experience, I spoke with an old friend who had some good experience with Salvia. One of the first things he told me when I told him I planned to use it was that he reccomended becoming familiar with DMT before trying Salvia. He talked about some of the profound and bizzare experienced he had while on Salvia. I had never really tripped on DMT and long regarded it, rightly so I'm guessing, as the Mt. Everest of Halucinigens.
So my friend's advice should have been good warning.
The next morning I went to my brothers house with my Salvia 40x I had bought from a local head shop and inlisted my brother in being my sitter. He had a medium sized bong that I was able to use for it. I did some sun salutations and breathing exercises first to feel more ready, and talked with my brother about what we would ask god/goddess while tripping, if the opportunity came up.
I had my mp3 player and head phones handy with some beautiful Krishna Das music all cued up. My brother was on hand to help with loading another bowl if I needed help after the first one. I was going to try and go all the way with the mysterious Salvia Goddess. Turned out I didn't need a second bowl....
I took on hit off the bong, filling the tube. I blew out my first hit and self consciously, said to my brother that 'That was an amature hit' in a voice that sounded like someone else a little. I cleared the tube and burned a little more of the cherry, right around then I was ripped out of the room and my body. I felt like I was falling and that everything was completely out of my control\l.
Suddenly I was peeled out of the space and time and found myself in a very confusing place. I was not going to be human anymore. I was not going to come back to live. I was terrified and confused and in utter disbelief and denial. It was turning out that I was a mote that was dreaming of being a human but that that was over now. I could hear the Krishna Das music all around, but it was not comforting me at all. It sounded like it was the music that plays while the credits roll at the end of a movie. Cept it was my life that was over, not only that, it seemed that I had absolutely no claim on the life I left. I was rolling away from that reality and had the sense that I was something terribly insignificant on my own. I was a thread in the fabric of reality, and had no claim on the life I had just lost.
Suddenly I felt like I was moving (upwards?) and noticed my body. It felt like a pile of matchbox cars and I was trying to move into them in such a way as to get them to stick to me. I tried to sit up and swear but my mouth and throat felt like legos. Everything was fuzzy, even the air felt like yarn in my lungs. I wasn't sure at this point if I was going to come back to life yet, and I clawed at the carpet hoping to feel something solid with my fingertips. This in-between state lasted a few minutes. My brother was moving around me and saying something that I could not understand. I looked next to me on the carpet and saw little bluish pieces on the rug and I thought that I had broken the bong.
At that moment I could have apologized about the bong, but at the same time felt like that was nothing compared to what had just happened to me! I turned out that I had only spilled it and my brother was deftly cleaning it up with no problem and without blame.
I swore as I got up and went to pee in the toilet. Everything was fuzzy and not solid feeling or looking, and I felt the air was too thick to breathe. It didn't seem to be absorbable to my lungs but I wasn't really suffocating so...
I cussed and ranted to my brother for several minutes about my experience. In the moment I felt as if it had shaken me to the core. I was still trepidatious for a few minutes like I could get thrown back through the dimensional hole that opened in the floor minutes before.
By my brothers account I had been unconscious for about ONE MINUTE. He said my foot twitched a little and I muttered as some people do when knocked out. After that minute, he said, I mumbled and tried to sit up suddenly. It was then he noticed the bong on its side and went to cleaning it up.
By a half hour later or so I was feeling almost completely back into my body, sensations felt almost normal. I still was having very mild open eye visuals the rest of the day.
I walked the mile home after thanking my brother and letting him know that human existance is very very precious. On the way home I felt a bit shaken, and the memory of what happened gave me the willies a bit. But I thought about it all for the next several hours and called and talked to a couple of trip friendly friends on the phone, one of whom had had a similar experience.
That was yesterday. Now I still feel a little rung out, like I went to a close family member's funeral the day before or something.
I still feel a little rung out, like I went to a close family member's funeral the day before or something.
Yesterday I was very scared to try Savia again, but today feel like I would like to go there again and see if I can be there in a more accepting attitude of awareness.
I would almost want to laugh at someone who would like to try Salvia now. I would compare it to shooting yourself in the head, that fast, that fatal, then coming back with a reassembled head, but with the memory of being dead.
The place I was was worse than any hell I had ever imagined. It was finding out that I could not exist anymore by a force that had no ill intention toward me at all. You are an atom now, you only thought you were a human, sorry.
I value the experience deeply. I do not regret it at all, just didn't know there was anything that powerful before. I am wiser for it and expect full recovery of my wits.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.