Citation: Elora. "Dealing with Insignificance and God: An Experience with DOB (exp89435)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2011. erowid.org/exp/89435
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Recently I tried a drug known as dob. Nothing can compare to what was felt that night. I've never felt more alone in all of my life. Nothing was done as there was nothing that could be. No one could understand the significance of what I was feeling, as I was dealing with my own insignificance.
I seem to have tried quite a few experimental drugs, so I've decided to start writing reviews for all you other 'cosmic explorers' who enjoy muscle spasms and not being able to keep a full conversation.
The night started out fine. I took one tab of DOB and was getting some visuals. Lights seemed brighter. Colours were more significant. My imagination was sky rocketing.
We smoked some weed and I was enjoying my trip. Music was more enjoyable and everything was right.
I got some really intense visuals at one point where i felt like i was in another place. Everyone looked the same and the room was black with green lights around me.
My friend said, 'it's nice, enjoy it' and that calmed me down. At this stage in the drug I was sure it was something I would want to do again. As the night continued the trip escalated.
Eventually my friends had to leave. I was alone in my bed tripping out. Normally that was something I could handle but, in that moment everything I felt was escalated and blown out of proportion.
Hours went by but, time seemed to move at a much slower pace. I felt as though I was in that trip for centuries. All that existed was the world around me, nothing and no one more.
I felt as though I had reached ego loss. I felt as though I was no one. Existing within a shell. I had no feeling and no sense of self. I had dissociated completely just by the idea of it. Then came the idea that I was all there is. There's nothing outside of me and what I perceive. I am alone. There is nothing else. Of course I can be a paranoid druggie so that didn't help. I felt as though I was doing all that I could to be heard but there was no one to hear me. I was the only being in the world. I felt like a god in a world with out love and that made me realize just how much we need each other. Compassion and empathy are crucial. Without other people, we break. We exist for each other.
I did a lot of soul searching in my time spent truly alone.
I realized what I already knew.
We can control everything. We are the god's of our own worlds and our worlds exist around us. Our thoughts control what we perceive. Manifest your desires and they shall be yours. We exist within each other. God is the state without ego....The state of true purity that we all are as a core. To reach nirvana one must be completely stripped of humanity.
And most importantly, the answer to all our prayers is love.
ALWAYS receive love. ALWAYS love.
Love is positivity and purity. If love is all you feel, love is all you need. Without love, we are alone.
I meditated the majority of the trip. I cried a good percentage but, it felt like a release. Music saved me and without it I may not have been able to stay calm.
Eventually my friend went online and started talking to me. At this point my trip was almost over and I was just feeling the after effects. Talking to her calmed me down so much. It showed me that there really were other people who cared and I shouldn't have felt so lost. That was what I had been searching for the whole trip and now all I can say is I'll never take anyone for granted again. Nothing comes close to the pure terror of being truly alone in a world that you created.
I would recommend DOB ONLY to more experienced drug users. I would consider it beneficial for the right mentality but, just way too fucking long. Still, I understand fully that it was an experience I needed. I don't see myself ever being the same after the thoughts I have had that night. I'm more aware of the severity of what you put your mind through and the importance of perception and personal relationships.
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