DOSE:

smoked

Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

I'm not telling people not to use it. It's a persons choice. It's illegal for a reason I believe. I hate this drug. I have had many experiences with it over my life. For some stupid reason, I get drawn back to it over and over. For me it is like playing russian roulette. I think in a way it is why I used to be attracted to it. It might make me feel good. Or it might not.

I am the rare kind of person for whom Cannabis is a psychedelic. I have tried other psychedelics, but cannabis is the most powerful hallucinogen for me. Now hallucinogens don't mean just visual hallucinations. They cover a broad spectrum, from pure mental, thought distorted mind bending trips, to visuals, and audial/ hearing things. For me, it is all three at times. I have had intense, visual hallucination, from fractal patterns, to full-out trance like visions. I have heard things, I have seen things, it has bent my mind at times, maybe not for the best either. It can make me moody for weeks sometimes. It can make me depressed, or feel ecstatic for weeks. I never know what I will get.

But sometimes, it is good. I feel so good, I feel like on top of the world. For a long time, I thought maybe it was the strain, a certain kind, which worked for me. Like Sativa would make me hallucinate, and indica wouldn't. Maybe a hybrid. The only way to find out was to test. That was not easy to do, since dealers rarely know the pedigree. But I found out all strains and hybrids are the same, only the ratio to good/bad for me differs. Indicas I have found can be the most mind bending trance experiences, and sativas can make me extremely paranoid. I never know what i will get.

I have had horror trips from this pernicious weed. Straight up mind journeys into hell. Falling down into a fetal possession, cold all over and shivering, teeth chattering, like I am about to die, like I was possessed by some evil spirit. Those were rare, but it happened. I have experienced ecstasy too. More so than any other drug, and I tried a few. But I always stayed away from hard drugs. I never did heroin. I tried cocaine and hated it. I never took speed, or any other hard drug. I tried opium, and liked it, but I knew it was just bad for me, and difficult to find, thank god.

I hope maybe someone like me might read this and understand we are some kind of genetic freaks that weed just works on us different. I finally learned my lesson, and just stay away. I know it just doesn't work for me. I am too sensitive, it is too powerful for my brain to handle. It is the intense ecstasy I have experienced, which always brought me back, but I knew it was a crapshoot. I might get that, or I might wind up bugging out for hours just praying it would end soon. I just can not handle this drug. I know there are a few people like me, who can't handle it. It is the most powerful hallucinogen for me. LSD was mickey mouse stuff to this. A totally fake drug to me. Mescaline too, and mushrooms. I could not understand why anyone did them, it was plastic, and just not interesting.

Also, while I know I smoked laced weed once in my life, I also know mostly it was not. Because I even grew many strains just to find out what would give me the best results. Always to find out, if I could find that one strain, that was always ecstasy and never hell. I grew up at a time, when Marijuana was seen as a cool thing to do, during the reagan years, like we were che guevaras, rebelling in a small way. well, I wish I hadn't, but it's too late. I was mentally addicted to it for many years. I hated alcohol and just about any other drug I tried. For me the most interesting, the one drug I just couldn't resist, was cannabis. I never dealt drugs, and I was for the most part, a good citizen. Now it didn't turn me into a murdering sociopath but it definitely did harm my brain. Most people do not believe it is a psychedelic, mind expanding drug. It is the rare genetic freaks like me, who it just bends our minds. I know throughout history, many people like me, used cannabis, and did come up with many ideas, because it definitely can open up the mind and see complex solutions, and deep perception into the nature of things. But unfortunately for me, it can also bring me to hell, and I just will never find the magic strain that does it every time, because for me, it doesn't exist.

I just can't handle weed, and I have smoked it well over 1000 times, from age 16 to 30.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 89864
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 6, 2017	Views: 1,119
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Cannabis (1) : Unknown Context (20), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11)