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Everything Makes SENSE
by Caco
Citation:   Caco. "Everything Makes SENSE: An Experience with MDMA (exp89965)". Erowid.org. May 6, 2019. erowid.org/exp/89965

T+ 0:00
0.5 capsls oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:20 0.25 capsls oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:00 20-30 mg oral Amphetamines (daily)
The only MDMA I've taken is in capsule form, the first few were supposedly pure and appeared as such but I have no way of knowing since I didn't test them. The powder was light tan and smelled sort of like licorice and tasted bitter. . .

Anyway, I'm not an experienced drug user. I'm currently prescribed Adderall for ADHD, 10 mg twice per day (but usually run out in 2 weeks because I tend to take about 30mg/day average) and I take Clonopin, .25 mg as needed (.5 mg makes me very drowsy -- almost unable to function normally) for anxiety attacks. As you can see I'm somewhat sensitive to drugs (I don't know how some people are taking well over 50 mg of Adderall in a 1-2 hour timeframe and not freaking out). I'm not a huge marijuana smoker because I tend to like stimulants more (unless it's Colorado Cough!). Hallucinogenic drugs are not really my thing. Since I tend to have a strange imagination anyway, these usually just make me have a bad trip. I've tried Salvia (very strange, but awesome aftereffect), cocaine a few times (insufflation), ice, as well as random pharmaceuticals. . . so I've tried some things but never really used them regularly.

I was nervous about trying MDMA just because of what I've heard about it -- people dehydrating themselves and suddenly dying. So of course I researched it and found that most of these occurrences happened because people were dancing and drinking and not staying hydrated and/or they had previous heart issues.

On with the MDMA story... the first time I took MDMA, I took a little under a half capsule. I am aware that to get the full effect, one needs to take it all at once but this is what I do when I try drugs for the first time. (When I tried coke, I did a ridiculously thin line about an inch long.) After about 20 minutes, I felt a slight wave of something... I couldn't explain what... but it was like a relaxed feeling only very aware. But it wasn't much so I took about 1/4 more of the pill. Then after 5 minutes, I was sitting down and when I stood up, it hit me. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING was intense. I was watching some movie, can't remember the name, but it involved drugs, money and murder... the colors in the movie were intensified like someone moved the saturation slider up to 100%. It was all too overwhelming for me though. I felt like I would float away or fall over if I stayed sitting so I curled up in a fetal position and closed my eyes to remove one of the senses. The second dose hit about 20 minutes later after the first effects had started to subside. By the way, I never tried tasting anything, but smell didn't seem to be affected... Just sight and sounds and thoughts. My girlfriend was there with me, she can take 1 1/2 capsules and be fine. By fine I mean she doesn't get overwhelmed but it makes her think objectively about everything. That's the thing I like about MDMA. If I'm ever having an argument with my significant other, both of us take MDMA. We talk about everything without judgment. Everything has a reasonable explanation. Everything is fucking great. Life is golden. If I bring up that life is golden, I'll go into a long explanation as to why it is. . . and it will all make absolute and perfect sense and I'll want to tell the world about it.

SO... after about 10 or 15 minutes (I didn't time it. . . that's what it seemed like), the overwhelming part wore off and I was able to talk about everything. I was motivated to do anything I thought of but if I started on something, I quickly thought it was ridiculous to devote such energy on something so trivial. It was best to just talk about the workings and reasons for everything. We did so for about 5 hours. During one trip, I channeled the anxiety through drawing, which is something I do anyway. But this seemed to be the only thing that would make it go away. The drawing when I looked at it later was completely opposite of anything I usually draw. Abstract and ridiculous but awesome. I had remembered while rolling that touch is amplified. . . well I didn't feel like that was true when my girlfriend touched my arm but I did notice that petting my cat seemed to release anxiety. I latched onto his fur (gently) and kneaded it. I found myself perpetually focused on doing this for God knows how long... and the funny thing is, my cat enjoyed it. He just laid down and purred.... whereas normally this act would make him bite and attack me. My girlfriend and I never tried having sex while rolling. . . although we talked about it at the time and thought it might ruin sober sex. Plus, sex just seemed trivial.

I don't think I could ever go out in public while on it. I think I'd have a meltdown from all the stimuli. Plus it's pretty obvious if I run into anyone I know. I'm wide-eyed, pupils completely dilated and would probably be way more open than people would want me to be. I can't even begin to think about trying to dance since I seemed to only be able to handle sitting down and most of the time curled up in a ball or sitting with my knees to my chest. I guess this is my way of feeling more grounded.

It wore off subtly... I can't tell you the exact amount of time it lasted because the next day when I went to work, I still felt a slight effect only it was in such a way that worked sort of like Salvia does 10 minutes after it wears off. Very calm and content. I went to work with the same sort of nonjudgmental attitude. Maybe it was the drug still in my system or maybe it was that my mind had been conditioned that way and memorized it the next day.

I think I've made the decision that MDMA is my drug of choice. Cocaine is great for about 20 minutes... and the side effects are the WORST. Plus you never know what you're getting... (once had very close to pure cocaine straight from Colombia and THAT was the best I've ever felt. Fantastic euphoria, energy, no anxiety, no shitty side effects... ). Ice is pretty much like Adderall intensified without lasting as long. . . tastes shitty, smells like Mr. Clean, horrible depression afterwards.

When I took MDMA two days in a row (3/4 capsule both of those times) I developed a headache and became super dehydrated. That's the only bad thing about it. Hydration is key. . .

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 89965
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: May 6, 2019Views: 679
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Personal Preparation (45), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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