Citation: Jake. "Test Dose for Personal Growth: An Experience with Ibogaine (exp90153)". Erowid.org. Jan 20, 2014. erowid.org/exp/90153
I bought some Ibogaine TA (total extract) about 2-3 weeks ago and got it in the mail yesterday. My total ingestion amount according the the provider should have been 1 gram HCl (hydrochloride) followed up with 2.4 grams TA. I only went with 1 gram TA for cost reasons and more than a gram just seems like way too much.
My reason for taking the drug was to get rid of my social anxiety and fears. I drink to relax in social situations and would rather not have to. I just thought doing the drug would help uproot the cause of my anxiety and get rid of it.
I knew the risk of death so I just tried rationalizing it as if life and death doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Plus I was trying to not to be paranoid during the event. Also, I didn't have a sitter.
A few times I panicked but it lasted only a few seconds each time. If I started to panic, I'd do the Sedona Method (a method of letting feelings go) and just allow whatever I was afraid of to happen.
I took it with yogurt and man that shit was nasty. I ate it and got under the covers. It took about 15-30 min to kick in. First I heard a low buzzing in my ears. It sounded like 2 or 3 dragon flies or model airplanes were circling my head. My imagination was going nuts. I was talking to myself like, 'It's cool, clam down. It's alright.' and it seemed like another person was saying it, rather than me. I kept thinking, oh no, I'm tripping this is probably not good.
My imagination was pretty vivid, but my thoughts were fast and there wasn't much story to what was going on in my head.
I saw designs if I really looked when my eyes were closed. I'd start to see something really cool, but then I would lose it. I saw different people but there wasn't really any interaction. I saw a lot of black people. And at one point I said to myself, what's with all these black people? And a black girl who I didn't notice before, heard me and ran off giggling to tell her friend. I've read other trips of people seeing Africans so maybe that's why I did too.
I'd say for about an hour I had some pretty cool things to look at. But after that, it was more of a body high (not a very fun high though) and I maybe had a more vivid imagination.
After the first few hours, I was exhausted and the trip was irritable. I kept looking at the clock wondering IS IT OVER YET?
Luckily I didn't throw up but I had to get up like 3 times to pee when I was the most inebriated. That was not fun. Also, whenever I laid down or switched positions, I had to cuddle a pillow. It actually felt like cuddling with someone though and it really comforted me.
This morning was horrible. I just felt dirty and sick. As of right now I've got about 3 hours before I pass the 24 hour mark of taking the drug. And I'm finally starting to feel normal. My head is still a little dizzy and I finally stopped hearing the buzzing about an hour ago.
There is no way I'd want to do the full dose. I've read before that it can be a 10 to 36 hour trip. I thought psh, 24, 36 hours? For some reason, I just didn't think that was very long, or I thought it would go quick, or at least be really fun and worth it. But no, it's sooo fucking long to do nothing. And the entire day, I've been trying to get my head back on straight and sober up.
Also, nothing ground breaking came to me during the trip. I thought of dead family members and felt sad about it. I think maybe my subconscious did a small defrag. I know this wasn't the full dose, so maybe that's why nothing major was revealed to me. I'd say the trip was a sad and slightly paranoid one.
All in all, I cannot wait until I feel better and probably won't ever do this again. I don't feel cleansed or detoxed. I feel like I'm at home sick. Maybe it will get better in a few hours.
I wrote that 2 weeks ago. The next day I felt so much better. I didn't realize it at the time, but I still pretty much had the drug working in my system. For the next week I was felling really good and confident. Some of my anxiety and irrational fears had gone away and I felt more at peace.
I ended up drinking two times since taking the drug. I'm not beating myself up for drinking but the hangovers have been really depressing and make me want to change my lifestyle. Hangovers are not fun and I can see myself giving up drinking in the near future.
Overall, I'm glad I took it and there has been a small change in me but nothing major. I'm still anxious about some things. If I take the full dose, I'm definitely doing it with a sitter and it won't be for a while.
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