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Finding The Fear
Citation:   TraumaticSurrealism. "Finding The Fear: An Experience with 2C-I (exp90210)". Jan 9, 2018.

T+ 0:00
22 mg   2C-I  
  T+ 0:00 1 bowl smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  T+ 13:00   oral Diphenhydramine (pill / tablet)
Let me first preface this article by saying that I have moderate ultradian-cycling bipolar disorder, and that I have survived a very traumatic childhood. Without going in to too much detail, I am perhaps a bit more susceptible to the effects of any mood altering substance than most, but not by a huge degree. I take 300mg of Lithium Carbonate once per day, and 15mg of Dextroamphetamine (10 morning, 5 afternoon) for ADHD. I approach the use of any drug with precautions and careful consideration of my current mood, the week and month that I’ve had, and any current mitigating stressors. Now that being said, I have used 2ci twice before when my moods were good, each time smoking a little on the come-up to counteract the nausea. The first dose of 10mg I had a marvelous time, getting some very mild visual distortion and total silly euphoria. Fruit was the best thing ever, and my green teletubby stuffed animal was the coolest friend. I even went to the grocery store, which was a bit scary. Too many colors and noises and light, I shouldn't have left the house on this shit because I am nota pro. The second dose, 17mg x2 spaced about six hours apart, was good as well until I had a nosebleed. Blood exploding into amazing pooling fractals completely overwhelmed me and conflicted heavily with the distress and panic of a nosebleed that would not stop for 20 minutes. I had a sober friend and my super hot trip buddy to help keep me calm while we waited it out. Both of those doses were relatively pleasant.

Taking 22mg of 2ci, for me, was an absolute mistake. Within fifteen minutes I had vomited. The marijuana, which slows the vomiting reflex, made it very difficult to expel and I almost suffocated on what appeared to be a slowly moving and crawling glob of sickening and quivering black placenta. Certainly not resembling the dinner of fresh fruits and veggies that I had eaten only about an hour prior. Within thirty I was as pale as a ghost, with dark circles under my eyes. A sober friend confirmed I looked like I had a serious case of the flu.

This dose came from the same large batch that the other two came from, and there was no possibility of contamination or exposure to another chemical. The difference was the dosage, and I was not warned about the dangers of this level of dosage with my mental condition. I was rendered completely incapable of breathing through my nose due to the congestive effects of the 2ci. I mean my nostrils shut entirely. I was not aware that the drug had this effect, and being incapable of breathing through my nose upsets me enough as it is sober. After being horribly upset and worried that I would somehow forget how to breathe, I sunk so far into the depths of my own head that I was afraid that I would never make it out.
After being horribly upset and worried that I would somehow forget how to breathe, I sunk so far into the depths of my own head that I was afraid that I would never make it out.
I crawled into my girlfriend’s lap. She is strong and well-adjusted, but I my mental state was absolutely leveled, flattened into terror and panic. I buried my face in her thighs and pressed hard, clinging desperately for safety.

Not even my most beloved childhood film could distract me from this terror. The panic I felt was indescribable, washing over me in waves of decimation, sweeping the ground from beneath me and casting me into a bottomless and torrential sea, a threatening sky full constantly exploding and breathing flesh bearing down on me from above. Colors became so vivid that my eyes hurt, closing them only resulted in a further loss of cognizance. I lost myself in the intense aural hallucinations. Sounds became heavily augmented, distorted, and menacing. The kitchen light impeded upon the safety of the comforting glow of my blacklight room.

The visuals I experienced were pronounced, possibly doubled over the double dose of 17mg and exponentially higher than what I experienced on 10mg. Smearing fractals wiped across my field of vision. There was a bombardment of horrifying imagery from the deepest recesses of my subconscious. I opened the floodgates of my memory and with my defenses down, I was exposed the blackest experiential vitriol. The trip lasted a full 13 hours, and I had to take an overdose of Benadryl to be able to sleep. It is one month later and I have completely sworn off of any mind altering substance.From my experience, if one has bipolar disorder, if one has experienced trauma, then one needs to seriously reconsider taking this or any other hallucinogen, no matter how mild. The fact is that one's perceived mood will always be slightly or perhaps even drastically different one's current state of mental health, and one should very heavily weigh one's options when you consider using any of these drugs. One may have, as I did the first time, a positive experience that one will never forget. Or one lose yourself entirely, and descend into a nightmare of introspective loathing and find the fear.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 90210
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Jan 9, 2018Views: 2,694
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2C-I (172) : General (1), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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