Citation: firsttimetripper. "Sensory and Ego Death Parallel Universe: An Experience with LSD (exp90846)". Erowid.org. Oct 26, 2021. erowid.org/exp/90846
Age: 28 years
Previous substances used: MDMA once about a month ago. Drunk about 15 times between 16 and 25 years of age.
Sensory separation, ego death, reincarnation.
I took one blotter of LSD, which I was told should be 150 micrograms. I took it at 1515 hours.
About 45 minutes into it, the ceiling above my bed on which I was lying was making all forms of patterns that were shaking. And it also looked like the ceiling was actually a floor that had a few inches of water on it and the surface was rippling.
About an hour into it, every little spot and dot and smudge everywhere on the floor and walls was moving, disappearing and appearing, morphing into insects and bugs and whatnot. The floor in my apartment is a very unique and random pattern, it doesn't repeat itself at all, it is completely random. This was extremely cool, because the patterns that formed on it were insanely detailed and all kinds of small dots of all colors I could imagine were moving on the patterns. And there's also a lot of small smudges and stains on the floor and all of those became little bugs that moves all over the place.
I felt as if I had a fish-eye lens on, everything was distorted on the edges of my periferal vision, as if my field of vision was a lot more than normally. The edges of the room seemed to go a lot further. I went to take a shower.
In the shower I felt like the water went inside me as it came down and as I looked at my fingers there was some kind of web or slime connecting my fingers to each other. And as I looked at the ground, the water drops on the ground formed incredible patterns that moved in perfect synchronization. All the small smudges of dirt on the edges of my bathroom turned into ants that were running all over.
When I came out of the shower I went back to bed, and as I did that I left a bunch of water drops on my blue bed sheets. They were very distinct and my girlfriend (my guide) pointed them out to me and I looked at them. They seemed to keep forming on their own, and as I lifted the covers they kept forming all over the bed sheets. I was absolutely amazed by it!
I don't have a good idea of time from here forward, I was pretty much out of it.
All the small patterned colored dots on the floor kept getting more and more vivid. My gf put on some music and I kept lying on the bed and waving my arms and my head was filled with all kinds of ideas and shapes and images.
And then I got it into my head that I should watch this galactic timelapse video I had found on the web a while back. I had planned on watching it on acid because I wanted to try if I could go into space. When my gf put it on and I was lying on the bed I saw the edge of the monitor because a chair was in front of it. But I was able to move the chair with my mind without moving my head, so that I could see the entire monitor! This absolutely blew my mind, I got up and said: 'NOW I WILL GO INTO THE GALAXIES!' And proceeded to dive into the monitor. And I actually went there! My gf filmed this and the look on my face was absolutely incredible. It was pure amazement, I have my arms up and I go: 'I am in perfect control ... and I AM IN THE GALAXY!' I couldn't see anything else other than the sky filled with the milky way galaxy, stars and clusters of stars and star dust everywhere.
After that the trip went completely nuts. I went back on the bed and asked my gf to come hug and kiss with me, and this took the trip to a whole new level. My gf came on top of me and as she was on top of me, pressing against my hips and started kissing me I started to see all kinds of shapes and patterns and I literally felt as if our hips merged together. It felt extremely powerful close to painful, but not bad per se. Our bodies fused together and I started to feel as if my body turned into something else. Like my body was the size and shape of the entire universe and I felt with every part of it.
I started to feel as if my body turned into something else. Like my body was the size and shape of the entire universe and I felt with every part of it.
Whenever I tried moving a part of my body I felt the movement all over the place, every little movement felt everywhere I could imagine.
I lost all form of self, I didn't have a body anymore and I was something else, I forgot what this world was about and I realized that I was actually the entire universe, a universe that was realizing that it was the universe. And I kept evolving, morphing into new things. I realized that all my life was actually a lie or a figment of my imagination and something else was actually right. And this looped over and over into all kinds of different things that I can't explain. I think I died and was reborn as the universe multiple times.
And from here on forward the trip got bad. I started to get flashes where I was walking all over my apartment and my gf was following me and I was extremely disoriented. I would look at all the things in my apartment and then look at my gf and ask: 'What is going on?' And she would go: 'You are tripping on acid.' Then I'd keep going.
At this part of the trip I went through dozens of different loops that were all pretty much horribly scary and negative. The loops mostly consisted of things that happened to my mind, stuff like that I realized that I was going insane, I heard it being said in my mind, but I can't remember the words that were used, but it was crystal clear that I was indeed going insane and I felt as if that had been going on for hours, I was going insane over and over.
And then the loops turned into something else. I was suddenly an old granny, my voice was high and sort of screechy and I was walking around in my apartment. And my memory kept skipping so that I would suddenly realize I was in the kitchen and I would turn to my gf and ask: 'What's going on?' And she would go: 'You walked into the kitchen.' Which obviously turned in my head into that I was an old granny that had a memory problem and I was walking around unknowingly. All the little bottles of vitamins we have around the house were obviously my medicine cos I was old, sunglasses were my old granny glasses cos I obviously didn't see well. As I looked at my facebook page I could see my children and grandchildren send me messages.
I kept finding myself in the toilet and kept asking my gf: 'Did I go?' And she would go: 'No, you just came here and did nothing.' Then the trip kept going worse, I started to feel a weird feeling in my testicles, so now I was obviously an old man with testicular cancer. I was dying, I saw people send me goodbye notes on facebook, so that meant I was close to dying of cancer. I went to lay on the bed and said (on camera): 'well, I gotta say that, I had a good run!' And turned to face the wall. And seemingly accepted my death. At this point there was a sad song coming out of my computer that reminded a little of a funeral song. I ACTUALLY felt as if I was in a coffin in my own funeral and I was carried in church as the song was going. And I embraced death. I kept dying many times in these loops and each time I realized I was dying, I embraced it. I even remember saying: 'Finally, this is what I've been waiting for!' And my gf would ask: 'What is that?' I would answer: 'Death!' (Note that I have not had a suicidal thought in my entire life.) I also died from suicide by knife and by going out on a car while drunk.
And during these loops there were also places where I understood that something fundamental was happening in my mind, I was realizing that something was happening that was the worst thing that could happen in my mind, something that I had spent my entire life trying not to experience, and I kept experiencing it over and over. Stuff like, going insane, suddenly starting to believe in god (life long atheist), my gf telling me she's cheating on me, suddenly realizing I was gay. There were a lot of these, and each felt like the worst possible thing that could EVER happen to me.
After this, I pretty much came to my senses and didn't experience any more memory skipping or other visions. I was back in my room with my girlfriend. I was laying on the bed and she was sitting on a chair next to me. And this was the beginning of the scariest part of the trip by far...
I was back in reality, but it felt absolutely unreal. The room was slightly distorted, the colors were extremely vivid and every single surface that had even a little bit of texture was moving extremely powerfully. The curtains that have a complex texture were moving and shifting and morphing. The floor was filled with moving patterns of bright colors and bugs and insect. Everywhere I looked I saw small things quivering and moving and morphing, as if every texture in the world was animated.
And then my girlfriend started to talk... a lot. Extremely calm, extremely articulated. Not that she's not like that normally, but it felt absolutely unreal. I simply couldn't say anything. After what I had gone through, I had just died multiple times, I had become the universe and had my body distorted and destroyed and so on. The experience I had just gone through was so powerful that I was convinced that I had ACTUALLY died. Or at least was in a coma in real life, that I was sure that this was not the real world. I was certain that this woman that looked like my gf was actually an imposter, here to 'take care of me' in my 'limbo' if you will.
The strangest thing was that I could not feel my body. I couldn't feel that I was breathing. I couldn't feel that my muscles did anything when I moved around. Everything felt as if I had just been placed into this fake body in a simulation. And I was 100% certain this was the only possibility. But I could not comprehend how this could be possible. I have been a logical, scientific thinker all my life. And I could not understand how my brain could create such a world for me.
I have been a logical, scientific thinker all my life. And I could not understand how my brain could create such a world for me.
My girlfriend kept talking and I tried to find something in her speech that would indicate that she wasn't real. I tried calling her phone to see if it would connect, and it did. She looked at me with a smile and said: 'Why did you do that?' And it felt SO weird, I was convinced that she knew I didn't believe this was real and she was wary that I would freak out. I kept trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
I tried doing a few push ups just for the hell of it, and I couldnt feel any strain on my muscles. I am not a very athletic person but I couldn't feel anything. I could feel that my brain registered that I was doing physical work, but I couldn't feel my muscles doing it.
We went out for a walk and I couldn't feel anything. It was pretty cold, but I couldnt feel it. I couldnt feel myself walking, I still couldnt feel myself breathing and every car and person going past us seemed to look directly at me, as if they knew. As if they were already part of this reality and I had just entered it and everyone knew it.
I called my friend to see if he would pick up and he did, we chatted for a while and he seemed normal. Then I called my brother and asked what he was doing. He was at home so I said we'd come by and he said ok. So we walked through the city at night, and all through the walk I felt nothing. I usually get at least a bit winded if we walk fast, but I felt nothing.
While we were walking I tried to explain my gf what I thought. I told her that I was convinced that I had died and I was in either a limbo, an afterlife or a parallel universe. And her reply was so calm! She just said: 'Hmm, that's interesting that you think that you're in a parallel universe...' At this point I broke down crying for a few seconds and told her that I am in total panic about what's going on. And she just said: 'Don't worry, it's OK.' She is never this calm, but later she told me that she just did her best to keep her composure so that I wouldn't freak out more and that she was actually really freaked out as well.
We went to see my brother and sat down talking for a bit and then my brother gave us a lift home. Even then I was still not sure if I was in the real world. Then my gf started to show me the clips she had filmed about me. And watching them I slowly started to come to and realize that I had just gone through an ego death and coming back after that...
So basically I experienced ego death but was completely lost as to what happened after that, so basically the end of my trip, in which I could have started to rebuild myself was lost because I was so confused and afraid about what was actually going on.
All in all, an extremely scary trip but the most amazing experience of my entire life. A few weeks and I'll try that again. :)
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.