Citation: jan2610. "A Heroic Dosage: An Experience with MDMA (exp90856)". Erowid.org. Sep 27, 2020. erowid.org/exp/90856
The doses described in this report are potentially life threatening. The amount taken is beyond a heavy dose and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Doses such as this have been known to cause hospitalizations and/or deaths. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
||(powder / crystals)
The occasion was Leeds festival, and the day chosen was Sunday. I had at this point considerable knowledge but little practical experience of MDMA, and my experience with drugs in general was limited to Ketamine and the various lower level intoxicants from Cannabis to Alcohol. A gram had been bought, but due to fears of short term tolerance and a general inclination to make the occasion special and memorable, it was divided into two piles of 500mg each, for my friend and I, rather than smaller doses. I was entirely aware of the magnitude of the dose, as was my friend.
It was green crystals, all much larger than would be practical to snort, so using a note and a card, they were all ground down into a manageable powder, and then two lines. The day chosen was Sunday because the following night is one in which a long sleep could be schedules, with no music the following day. It was also one on which our favourite bands were playing, and we were seeking to heighten that experience. The snort was incredibly uncomfortable. There was a lot more burning than Ketamine, although in my subsequent experiments I have found other substances (2c-e for example) to be infinitely more painful. My friend was so overpowered by the discomfort that he immediately went in search of a drink.
Having obtained a bottle of water, he then began pacing, and felt like he could not stop. At this point, I was already feeling an astonishing, almost uncontrollable rushing. I was being filled with energy like the mental equivalent of G force, and was beginning to get clear visuals; the grass would form a solid block of green, likewise the blue sky and clouds. Everything took on a cartoon nature. I was forced to briefly control myself from staring around in awe to make sure my friend was okay, but having recovered from the initial discomfort we set off towards the arena.
About 2 minutes into the walk and the rush, the power of the drug, was irresistible, and not one I have ever been able to replicate since, through psychedelic or sober activities. I didn't feel full of hyperactive energy in the way that I was expecting from the general stereotype of ecstacy; in retrospect, a result of general pill impurity and the presence of speed; just an overriding and overwhelming surge of happiness, of good feeling, and of beauty. Suddenly my legs buckled and I fell onto my knees, and was suddenly and explosively sick
Suddenly my legs buckled and I fell onto my knees, and was suddenly and explosively sick
, but I didn't feel any nausea previously, and such was my degree of indescribable, peerless happiness, I stood up, washed my mouth out with water, and carried on walking, the vomit having neither worried nor discomforted me.
The rest of the experience was, at least from a descriptive perspective, empty of anything further. We made it to the arena but were so overwhelmed by the drug that we only felt capable of collapsing into the grass, feeling it between our fingers, and rolling up and down over hills, hugging each other, talking astonishingly quickly, basking in the chemical joy and glowing cartoon visuals. I cannot emphasise enough the power, the strength of the happiness I felt. Ecstacy has never been a more appropriate word. I felt like any bad feelings, any sadness, any self loathing or any doubts were a million miles away. It was impossible to contemplate any state of being except for total, surging, roaring tides of exquisite joy. At the dose I had, it was not introspective, nor particularly psychedelic. It was a simple, raw, uncontrollable blast to the mind that lasted for about an hour, hour and a half. I have never been more completely happy than then
I have never been more completely happy than then
, and indeed have never come close. Something about that feels like it should depress me but my inability to replicate the feeling brought on my by MDMA should not been seen as a fault of my own.
There was no comedown. It was a cold night in the end, and I had significant teeth chattering which had resulted to cuts on the inside of my mouth (avoidable, for next time, with either Magnesium or chewing gum), so eating was difficult. I had significant sleep deprivation from the accumulated nights and so had many reasons to be feeling miserable, which indeed I did, but all of the above mean I felt safe to attribute these feelings to the situation rather than a comedown as such. Any thoughts of misery later on were subdued by vast amounts of Ketamine anyway.
A brief consideration; in the days following, my friend had vivid and often disturbingly lucid dreams that caused him significant distress and insomnia. My research gathered that it wasn't a remotely common response to MDMA, but also not unheard of. It should not be considered a true side effect, because of the extreme rarity and because of his general inclination towards lucid dreams, but I feel it should be mentioned just on the off chance that it happens to anyone reading this.
It is not a drug I have had since. I feel a field, and a festival, is the only situation in which I would feel safe to be so comprehensively out of it. At the level I had, it is not a drug that can be taken and then sat at home. I probably would not even have wanted to be confined to a house party. As it was, in a giant field, in blazing sun, with nobody remotely caring whether I was on drugs or not, and close friends around me, it was an ideal situation, and one that I hope to replicate some time soon. MDMA deserves an occasion; MDMA is an occasion, and not one to be ever underestimated or taken lightly.
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