Citation: Moskhu. "Constantly Inhaling: An Experience with LSD (exp90927)". Erowid.org. Feb 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/90927
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I've always been really hesitant about trying acid. I have a lot of anxiety problems, and would feel shaky and even fainted once listening to other people's trip stories. The thought of ripping my mind open and losing what seemed like all control was my worst fear. I always thought it'd have to be the perfect day, the perfect mood, and the perfect weather, but it actually wasn't anything near that.
My first trip was on a rainy day right after a pretty shit break up. I met up with my friend downtown and he asked if I wanted to drop. All the sudden, I wasn't anxious, and took the bit of paper and popped it in my mouth. The fact that I didn't hype it up made it much more easy and relaxing. Then that was it, I was locked in for the ride. And because I AM such a cliche little anxious baby, I took out my sharpie and drew a mark on my hand. I told myself that I could look at that as a reminder later that it was all just the acid and that if it ever got bad, to just wait it out.
We took a bus to nowhere and got out and walked around amongst a ton of people. I started to feel high, the kind of high I get when I eat a pot brownie. Giggly, aloof. I wondered then, and still wonder now, how much of that was placebo and excitement. After an hour, I figured that was it. My whole attitude was 'HAH. Acid is nothing. I could do this anytime of any day'. We decided to walk to Meijers (a good 30 minute walk) to pick up some flowers.
10 minutes later we came to a retention pond full of geese. My friend ran to them and tried talking to them. I laughed at him, and figured he was just being a dork, but then he looked at me, genuinely confused, and kept trying to get close to the geese, more weirded out by their rejection each time they backed away. 'Wow' I thought, 'He must be feeling this way more than me'.
We started walking again, and not one minute later, there it was. A beacon of sunlight coming out of a cloud. 'Hey, it's god or something'. We both doubled over in laughter for about 4 minutes. Then started talking and walking again, back to normal.
5 minutes later, mid sentence, I got distracted. I could think of what I wanted to say and I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. Then thoughts on this branched out into absolutely nothing. I couldn't bother with talking anymore. Then my lungs filled up with air. Like being winded, but trying not to be winded at the same time. I couldn't slow my brain down and it eventually became something immersed in a large lake of what the fuck. We stopped to lie down in a ditch next to an apartment complex (great idea?) and this was incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't stay still. I asked to get up and leave, and my friend obliged.
1.5 hours in, we started talking about exes, and luckily, we both promised we would try to avoid depressing conversations beforehand, and quickly forced ourselves away from this. It was really starting to feel weighty. Breathing was hard, seeing was hard, being was hard. My mind was just a constant vibration. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. That is, until we reached Meijer just under 2 hours in...
I felt too loud. Too out in the open. Everyone that was looking at me, I just wanted them so desperately to look away. Which was unlikely, since I was the one storming through a crowd of people tripping and wide eyed. Another REALLY odd thing is that acid makes people look SO familiar. I could stare at someone's face, trying to recall where I knew them, and realize that I didn't.
Another REALLY odd thing is that acid makes people look SO familiar. I could stare at someone's face, trying to recall where I knew them, and realize that I didn't.
Either that, or it just made people look fucked up and hideous beyond all belief (think 'Scary Movie 3' where all the people's faces are warped like in 'The Ring'). It wasn't until we were in a toy aisle that I felt my first stroke of absolute terror. I wanted nothing more than to be at home. I looked at my hand, and said '7 more hours'. It saved my trip. Seriously.
Meijers sucked, and gave me a ton of revelations about consumerism. An entire aisle for juice. An entire aisle for hair dye. An entire aisle for shampoo. Etc. Etc. What really got us was the flower center. Being surrounded by beautiful, colorful, good smelling flowers was such a beacon of comfort. We bought a bouquet to carry with us. This was going to be our sword of all that is good on our trip. We traded it often, taking turns carrying it.
We decided to just lay in the grass and look at the cloud about 3 or 4 hours in. I was much more settled. Much more calm. My hands were still tingly and my mind was nowhere near normal, but my body was used to the deep breaths, and I could finally just sit back and enjoy the trip. We looked at the stormy clouds, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I saw the most vivid hallucinations of kaleidoscope formations in the clouds. One repeating one was people, all holding hands in a circle, thousands of them, dancing outwards. It was breathtaking.
We finally walked home and talked. About everything. Even exes. And nothing was depressing. We talked a lot about humans and love and consumerism and how we should all be more understanding.
8 hours into the trip, we got back to his house, and cuddled. And dyed his hair. I was so tired from all the walking around that I had absolutely no trouble whatsoever passing out and sleeping, feeling absolutely no different than usual the next day.
I'm not sure if I'd do acid again. I got lucky that I was in the right place at the right time, because I could see how it could go so, so bad. I'm really glad it didn't though.
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