Looking Back
Citation:   Jake E. "Looking Back: An Experience with MDMA (exp91273)". Erowid.org. Dec 25, 2016. erowid.org/exp/91273

    MDMA (pill / tablet)
I was reading about MDMA and it's 'loss of magic'. That reminded me alot of a year I had when I was a little younger and much more E-tarded. I was only 16, I had been smoking Cannabis for about 4 years and drinking for about 3, I experimented with Mushrooms once before my first Roll, but I was essentially new to 'hard' drugs.

One day me and 2 bff's decided we wanted to experiment with Ecstacy. They, like me, had almost identical experiances with pot and booze but had never been as high as E gets you. We didn't really know what to expect. So the 3 of us went and got 6 Ecstacy tablets (2 for each of us) and put them away for the weekend. I was not prescribed any medication nor did I regularly take any over the counter drugs at the time. No psychological or physical preperations were done in any way (unless you consider buying a bunch of glow sticks and chewing gum preperation lol).

Friday finally rolled around and it was time for us to roll right back at it. We all decided which pills we wanted (we had 2 red rabbits, 1 blue rabbit, and 3 green cougars). I had last choice so I got the blue one and a green one. We chewed our first one at about 9pm and hung out waiting for it to kick in. I waited about an hour (around 9:50pm) and wasn't really felling anything, the other 2 were rolling balls already, so we all popped our second one. Our good friend who was 'baby-sitting' us took us on a car ride. I was kind of annoyed that I had to sit and watch my friends rubbing their clothes with amazement and ecstacy in their eyes.

Then all of a sudden a light came on in my head. My mindset suddenly shifted and I found my self thinking 'I love these guys, I should be stoked for them having a good time not all bummed out because I'm not on drugs yet,' And all was well. At first I didn't think much of it until our baby sitter looked back at me and said' I think Jacob's tolling, he's sitting back there smiling at nothing and rubbing his pant legs.' My bff who was accompanying me in the back seat then looked at me. Neither of us said a thing, we just nodded and knew exactly how the other was feeling. Sensations of seritonin rushed throughout my body as all my senses expanded in ways I thought it never could. I had discovered my new weed, in this little world all was well and I was blissful.

It was more than just euphoria and hallucinations, It was my version of heaven. E (at the time) was the most exciting thing I had ever done and all I wanted was to do it again and to do more next time. I was fucking hooked. The pure happiness that is MDMA's mindset simply captivated me and called for me to experience again and again. It took me 2 weeks to do it for the second time, only this time I got better pills and took 3 and a half. In the next 2 months I rolled 4 more times (I also tried LSD for the first time) and took a total of 16.5 pills between those 6 rolls. I really calmed down for a little while afterwards, I only rolled 4 more times in 5 months (11.5 pills between the 4) compared to 6 in the first 2. Then I kinda just stopped.

After the third time was when the magic started fading.
After the third time was when the magic started fading.
My doses kept increasing and it's amazement constantly receded. I started off taking 1 then 1 later to roll balls, and by the end I was taking 3 rolls at once, then would still would want a 4th or 5th. I needed to stop. My mind was altered negatively and I noticed a difference in my general state of being. Happy moments were few and far between and simple tasks started to become sort of confusing. Life was just different, the only time I had fun anymore was when I was on the drug and even that wasn't really satisfying. I didn't make an effort to stop or anything like that, I just didn't take 'em any more.

I spent a couple month just drinking and smoking myself stupid after that, had to re-find my roots. I then discovered that I love mushrooms and that acid can be pretty entertaining if done right.

It has now been about a year since I last rolled, though I still will once in every couple blue moons. Simple things still get a little odd now and I am definately not as sharp as I use to be. Now I'm not saying I didn't have fun, I just really regret all of that nonsense. Socializing screws with me alot now after becoming so used to it being so easy all rolled out. There is just really nothing at all that makes me glad that I dropped all those tabs. I am certainly glad I ate those mushrooms, and taking that acid helped with all the insanity of life a little bit. But when I look at my use of ecstacy all I see is lots of wasted money, spent on false moments that killed brain cells.

Still, if you want to consume MDMA, FUCKING GO FOR IT! But remember that you are destroying brain cells and ingesting a form of Meth, Just because they call it E doesn't mean the MA in MDMA means nothing, and I haven't even brought up anything about what rolls can be cut with. My personal suggestion to anyone interested in MDMA, is to either simply just smoke a bowl maybe drink a beer and kick it, or go eat some fungi and hang out with lucy (she is way hotter than molly lol;). If your mind can not handle psychdelics than you are not smart enough to consume heavy drugs and should not be taking MDMA.

I've been to hell, back, and everywhere in between, trust me rolling is not worth it!

[Reported Dose: '2-5 pills about once a month for a year']

Exp Year: 2009-2010ExpID: 91273
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16
Published: Dec 25, 2016Views: 1,525
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MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Loss of Magic (34), Retrospective / Summary (11), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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