Citation: JustAGirl. "Awful First Time but Would Do It Again: An Experience with MDMA & Alcohol (exp91283)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2019. erowid.org/exp/91283
I've always heard about MDMA as being this fantastic, 'happiness guaranteed' drug. I tried it for the first time and thought I should share, since it gave me quite a different perspective.
I was hanging out with my boyfriend's best friend, as my boyfriend was at a wedding and planned to join us later. The best friend and I went to a party/small get together at another friend's house, and everything was going smoothly. Keep in mind, however, that I am the only female in this group of 6 guys.
My boyfriend's dealer arrives to the house, and I ask him if he'd be able to hook me up with speed some time soon (something I'm experienced with). He says that he can sell me some MDMA right then, and I decide to go for it. I had been wanting to try it for a while, and my boyfriend had done it in the past. I wanted my first time to be with him, but I also knew he was going to be there soon so I thought I might as well go for it. I bought the pill ('this is really good shit' he said) and took it so that the timing of it hitting me would about coincide with my boyfriend's arrival. Up to this point I'd had a couple drinks, but was not even at the buzzed/tipsy level.
This is where things went bad.
I called my boyfriend only to discover he had gotten wasted at this wedding, was still there, and was most likely not going to make it. I started to freak out, as this drug that I had never done before suddenly was hitting me like a wave, and I felt like I needed him there to protect me and take care of me. I was in a panic, as there was no turning back but the only reason I had done this drug was because I was expecting him to be with me. Knowing I would be alone made me terrified.
I'll also add that the MDMA actually took quite a while to hit me, to the point that I thought it wasn't going to do anything and therefore had a number of drinks in the meantime.
I freaked out, talking to my boyfriend's best friend about how much I needed my boyfriend to be there, how scared I was, how my boyfriend was hooking up with tons of girls at this wedding (of course he wasn't) and basically a million other things. I was in bad shape. I kept on telling people to get him here, and everyone was texting him telling him that I needed him, but unfortunately my boyfriend wasn't reading his texts and was too drunk to really understand the magnitude of the situation. I remember hugging the best friend a lot, just because I needed someone to look after me. I appreciate that he's a great guy and looked out for me.
Then there's a big black spot in my memory. Which ends with the memory of a guy I had considered a friend pinning me against the wall violently and kissing me. Shortly after I got away, and at this point I decided I needed to leave, and my boyfriend clearly wasn't coming. I called my boyfriend on the way home and told him all sorts of things. He says that I told him I was raped, but I don't remember doing that. I remember telling him that I was assaulted, and when he asked me if I'd been raped I said no. I also told him that this man had hit me in the face, but the fact is I can't remember if that's true or not. I know that when I said it I believed it was true, but as the night went on I got more confused.
I know that when I said it I believed it was true, but as the night went on I got more confused.
I ground my teeth all night, and it's almost impossible for me to eat. I destroyed the inside of my cheek, and my tongue feels and looks awful because I was biting it so much. I also have a deep, hand-shaped bruise on my forearm.
The high itself seemed like it could be great under the right circumstances, but personally my first time was absolutely awful. That said, I'd love to do it again, maybe just one on one with my boyfriend. One thing that I know for sure is that I spent the night telling everyone how much I loved him, and how much I needed him.
So just... be careful.
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