Citation: arizonahero. "Black Hole of Thought and Meaning: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp91637)". Erowid.org. Jun 18, 2018. erowid.org/exp/91637
Recently, a friend and myself decided to bulk order some 4-Aco-DMT. Our order yielded ~250mg for each of us. With this, I got close to thirty 8mg doses, enclosed via gel-caps. These were probably not measured at exactly 8mg, but most likely within plus or minus 2mg. A few weeks back, I tried my first and heaviest dose of 4-Aco-DMT, at 24 mg (again, plus or minus). I tripped in my apartment starting around 6pm. My experiences with psychedelics are limited, but include LSA(LSH) two times, and DXM several times.
T+ 0:00 I took first 8 mg gel-cap. At the twenty minute mark, the initial relaxing effects began to take hold. Mild stoned sensation, mental relaxation.
T+ 0:30 Second 8mg dose.
T+ 0:45 Final 8mg dose.
T+ 1:45 At this point, visual distortions had begun. Colors in my apartment began to change. The beige walls took on hues moving from orange to green , nothing drastic, but noticeable. I decided it was time to smoke a bowl outside on my patio. Personally, I don't feel like any of my trips are in full swing until I smoke some MJ. This shot my visual experience up several levels. The cement floor of my patio became alive with kaleidoscopic patterns, and various patches of dirt began to swirl and morph. The overhanging trees became overwhelming to me due to pattern upon pattern emerging, and they were very difficult to look at.
T+ 2:00 - 4:00. I chose to do a write-up of this trip because of the intensity this time period held for me. Cliche, yes, but it was the most difficult experience I've ever endured. At the start of this indescribable time, I experienced a super-euphoria that was entirely mental. I IM'ed a close friend, and could not help but type using all caps. My mind ignited into a plasma of benevolence, I could not comprehend the idea of negativity.
My mind ignited into a plasma of benevolence, I could not comprehend the idea of negativity.
I felt a god-like sense of omniscience. Mind-expansion was foreign to me until this trip. My thoughts seemed to stretch for miles in all directions, slipping past me faster than I could comprehend them.
My thoughts seemed to stretch for miles in all directions, slipping past me faster than I could comprehend them.
During this time, I encountered a state of existence that was impossible for me to comprehend and understand. I remember thinking that it was paradoxical to put it into words. By assigning the 'experience' a verbal visage, the experience cannot exist. It was this loss of words that drove me to what I considered psychosis. My thoughts transcended words and ideas, which was very difficult for me. At this point, I underwent a truly beautiful and artistic purge. My psyche had broken, and everything innately human in me desperately grasped at words. I was broken.
I underwent a truly beautiful and artistic purge. My psyche had broken, and everything innately human in me desperately grasped at words. I was broken.
This took the form of me grapping a pen and some post-its, and attempting to write down anything suitable to capture the experience I felt. Here are some things I wrote down:
- Completely. Indescribable.
- The fact that I can write this down...
- Existence is..
- A vast amount of existence contained in the single faucet of my being
- I am a black hole of thought. Any thought I try to formulate gets sucked into my mindfuck.
- The awareness of ________.
(I think this 'awareness' was me recognizing the human experience for what it is. The human experience felt like one possibility of existence out of the infinite possibilities. The idea of communication seemed miniscule.)
- This is a TEMPORARY DRUG/HEAVEN.
- Illusion of collective existence. Psychological prison of society.
- Heaven is screaming itself through every part of me.
- Is this free? Or is it trapped?
- My mind is a black hole of the substance that is meaning.
After the 4-hour mark, the aftershock/comedown finally came, after what felt like months. I spent the rest of the trip reviewing what had just happened to me. I realized that I was having so much trouble handling my experience because it was such an event that it could not be described in any sensory fashion. Our basic five senses, and the channel our thoughts are on, are incapable of producing a relatable impression of what this drug has to offer the human consciousness. This trip gave me a new-found respect for all drugs, and I will definitely think twice before taking this high of a dose again.
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