Citation: Serotone. "Solution to all Problems: An Experience with Fentanyl (exp91703)". Erowid.org. Feb 9, 2012. erowid.org/exp/91703
I have done a very large number of drugs since I first tried them when I was fifteen. I am very cautious and intelligent when it comes to the subject though. Drugs have always fascinated me so I learned about them and researched them thoroughly before I tried each one. I have no trouble keeping myself not addicted to any specific drug. I will admit that I am very addicted to taking drugs in general, however I would just never let myself get hooked onto any one drug. I have tried all of the addictive substances, cocaine, heroin, speed. I have tried 48 different psychoactive drugs in my life as I write this report (including caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine). Never has a drug made me feel like I had lost control over it, until I tried sweet, sweet fentanyl.
I first heard about fentanyl after I stumbled upon the word somewhere within the vast internet. I searched it to see what it was, and Wikipedia generously informed me of itís outrageous qualities. I didnít believe something like that could exist; for the longest time I was under the impression that it was illegal. My mind didnít jump even remotely close to the notion that people would use this stuff recreationally. I eventually learned that this was possible after seeing an episode on intervention. I still didnít even consider wanting to try the stuff for myself, I certainly wouldnít be searching for it.
Right before school ended, in March I believe (it is almost July now), a friend of mine said that he found somebody who was selling 100mcg/hr fentanyl patches. Both of us are avid psychopharmacological self-test subjects so we decided to grab the miraculous chemical while we had a chance. When I returned back to my home city after exams we contacted the supplier and we each picked up a patch. I had been doing research on which method of administration would be the best idea for the last couple weeks, however I couldnít find a method that seemed safe enough for my liking. I thought that I was going to end up holding onto the patch forever. When I bought the patch, I also picked up 30mg of hydromorphone. I had no opiate tolerance whatsoever so my plan to do finish the hydromorhpone off as quickly as possible before I did any fentanyl. It took me just over a week, doing 3mg at a time.
With my tolerance built up slightly and my excited built up too much I decided I would smoke the fentanyl as my route of administration. I had read instructions to get a little bit of the gel onto some tin foil and chase the dragon. The world ďsmall amountĒ was stressed severely. Also ďthis method is highly addictiveĒ was made quite clear, but whatever. I canít get addicted to anything. Whoops.
I started off with a microscopic amount, vaporized it (which was nothing at all really) and waited, but of course nothing happened.
The next time, I put a visible amount, vaporized it and felt something faint which easily could have been the placebo effect.
I kept working my way up until I got a ball of gel that was approximately the size of a lower case ďoĒ in pt-12 font. I knew when the size was right. This time when I vaporized it, I could feel it drifting over my tongue and down the back of my throat into my lungs like a little burst of chilled air. I held my breath for about 10 seconds and right before I was about to exhale I began to get a head rush. As my head got lighter I could taste the burnt plastic exhaust blowing back out of mouth; which is really not as bad as I make it sound. My head rush continues to build and just as it peaks my body is filled with a numb warmth that spans my every limb. I feel great. As the head rush seems to be subsiding, I begin realizing that most of the ďhead rushĒ feeling is actually going to linger around for a while and itís quite pleasant. At first I am immobilized by my awe at how amazing that little amount of sticky gel made me feel. I had only used maybe 1/50th of the entire patch, and that estimation is on the high end for sure.
My eyes started to feel droopy, my body became itchy, but this did not detract from the experience at all. I was in absolute ecstasy. I remained in this same sitting position for some time and then eventually made my way to my bed to stare at the TV while lying down and nodding off. I never actually fell asleep, although I did feel quite dreamy. I took another hit over an hour later and that was enough to knock me out later on during the night.
Over the next week, I went from taking 1-2 hits every couple days to doing them every day after a long day at work. I experimented with using it before work but I didnít do that more than once because it just made me too tired. Then I began taking more than one hit at a time. I would take 1-3 hits at a time until I was absolutely mangled. That became the state that I strived for. I wanted to be in a state where I couldnít feel, or keep my eyes open. At first the itchiness so bad enough to make me slightly uncomfortable but eventually it went away and then every time I did fentanyl I felt perfect.
Coming back to the present, I now have refined skills when it comes to taking this drug. I have learned to scrape the gel off of the back of the path expertly. I can place the perfect dose on the tin foil. I can hold the flame far away enough from the foil so that the gel doesnít burn, but close enough so that I can do all of it in one breathe. I hold the foil on an angle so that when the gel begins to melt it slides down the metal and vaporizes evenly and entirely. I havenít had much fentanyl around lately because I tried to stop buying it a few weeks ago. Ideally, I do 1-3 hits of moderately sized doses, 2-4 times a night after work until bed. I still feel the exact same effects as when I first did it. The head rush leading to instant numbness, extremely elevated mood, very heavy eyes, and I also get a slight tremble. Surprisingly, I learned that fentanyl is actually great for relieving pain. Who knew? I had a couple of incidences where a part of my body was in slight to moderate pain, both of which were rendered unnoticeable after I had achieved the fentanyl high.
I went through two patches before I tried cutting myself off the first time. During this time, my numb, pleasurable evenings were replaced by restless self-company. For the entire first week I entirely lost my appetite, my body temperature was fluctuating constantly (I was usually to hot and sweating), and my sleep schedule was disturbed. I felt absolutely exhausted all day and this caused me to fall asleep persistently at work (I have a cubicle job). My stomach hurt like it does when I havenít eaten all day, however nothing was ever appetizing to me and my body made things hard to eat by making it difficult to swallow and giving me a dry mouth. I also caught myself being very snappy towards my mother (which I feel particularly bad about). I didnít find I was mean to my friends, although I did lose lots of patients for them, but I kept my negative comments to myself like I normally do. I was unaffected by strangers because I am normally shy anyways. Compared to how bad Iíve read opiate withdrawal can be, my symptoms do seem that bad at all. I wouldnít say they were too bad myself actually, just slightly and constantly discomforting. I believe that I got to experience the lightest version of withdrawal possible.
I have done fentanyl on two occasions since I tried stopping. The first was at an electronic music festival. I did uppers and danced for around 20 hours straight and then for the last day of the festival and the drive back I did clonazepam, tramadol, and lots of fentanyl. All of my friends and I were diving right into the fentanyl once we had gotten to the point where we no longer wanted to go dancing anymore. Of course we waited a significant amount of time before switching from an upper spree to a down binge, but we managed to do it without having to feel any negative effects at all. It was perfect. Because there were eight of us and only 1.5 patches of fentanyl it didnít last long. I was taking a hit every 20-30 minutes. There is a big portion of my memory, approximately 30 hours, which I can only remember small flashes of. This is the period of time in which I was consuming my downers. I have never experienced such bad memory loss from anything other than alcohol before this.
The second time I ďrelapsedĒ was just recently. I bought another patch for myself after not using for twenty days and that night I took two hits because my tolerance was back up. The following day I used it a bit, not very much, however I knew that I was on my way right back where I started because I was fully aware that I had no intent to slow down. Last weekend I brought the patch to a party involving eight people. When the sun was coming up, people were coming down, and that meant everybody wanted some of my fentanyl. My friends have only every tried it when I had offered it to them, none of them were hooked like me, but they knew exactly what it felt like and if they had a chance to feel that again they knew they would want to take it. We all took turns chasing the sticky plastic dragon one after another for one straight hour. By the end of it everybodyís eyes were rolling back into their heads and most people when to sleep. I stayed up and smoked some nice marijuana and talked to the other non-sleepers until it was time to go home.
I love this drug. I am addicted to it. Therefore, I love being addicted to this drug. I know this is wrong and very dangerous but the truth is I actually canít help myself. I plan on buying three more patches this summer (this time with less sharing) before going back to school where I will be cut off for good. This drug has not harmed my life negatively in any way. I would never trouble anybody for it, I would never put it before something or someone important. The only bad thing itís done was make me moody whenever my mother bothered me and that I feel guilty about. I do feel like it would be very hard to me to stop wanting to use this drug if somebody gave me any other reason than one of my own, and this is a problem. I donít know if I should be disappointed in myself for letting this happen or not; Iím not sure if I feel regretful about trying it in the first place. Iím simply having too much fun on my fentanyl honeymoon to care about the near past or future. All of these things are things I never thought I would say. They come from a mind plagued by an orgasmic addiction. I think Iíll save my complaining for after fentanyl is out of my life.
Remember that no matter which report you read this in, it is probably the most truthful statement within the entire thing. Fentanyl is very addictive.
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