Citation: Zaso. "Alien Is the Only Word: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp91775)". Erowid.org. Dec 18, 2020. erowid.org/exp/91775
If you want to bite into the juicy chunk of my story just scroll down to “Main Story”, but I decided to give some beforehand information about myself so everything would make more sense if anyone was interested. One of the most insane trips I’ve been on.
Date: 01 July 2011 10:17PM PST
I was very timid, soft-spoken, and self-conscious (age 5-18) and still am to a lesser degree. Although I think I’ve made big strides of improvement, I’d describe myself as a strong introvert and having Avoidant Personality Disorder to a moderate degree though not as bad as most that I have read. The older I got the more capable I was of biting the bullet and just smothering it for a certain amount of time but it would always resurface. I don’t know if I can credit genes or environment for my disorder (maybe both?). Being in a large crowd of strangers exhausts so much energy out of me that I prefer to be alone/with family/or close friends. Being alone is when I really recharge my “social batteries”. I love just thinking and drifting in my thoughts. I was an A+ student if I tried. School was easy but giving speeches in my high school classroom? Forget about it. I know most people hate it, but I would go at great lengths to avoid it even intentionally skipping class or not doing the assignment and get an F rather than putting up with the shaking, stuttering, sweating, nerve-wrackingness of it all. What’s worse is I hold a secret shame of being so quiet and timid. I don’t know where it comes from but it’s always there. Oh yea, I’m also into music, it’s a big part of my life/passion.
I was as clean as a whistle and didn’t jump onto drug scene until relatively late in my years, age 18, when I had my first encounter with the big M - Marijuana with a large group of MJ veteran friends on some deserted soccer field. Oh sweet and sassy Mary Jane…The experience was what I would call a bad trip the usual “Full steam ahead!” of paranoia and anxiety. I know some may laugh but Marijuana shook my reality to its foundation! Time seemed to really slow down to a crawl. You never feel it like you did the first time. Within 5 minutes after taking a few good hits off of a small blunt, talking to my friends started coming in what I can only describe as “scenes”. I didn’t expect any of this would happen. I was taken by surprise. In fact taken aback so much that I just walked away from my friends mid-conversation and just paced alone in the field wondering what the fuck was wrong and repeating the ever-prevalent-yet-unheeded-drug user’s- mantra in my head: “I’m never going to do this again”. Keep in mind this was my first experience ever. Those friends, in good humor, still poke fun of me about this and take turns doing impersonations but honestly I think I would do the same to them. Despite my bad experience I continued smoking Marijuana with friends and had some great and not so great times. I always would jokingly call Marijuana “My green kryptonite” with a few of my friends because even in small doses it seemed to hit me much harder than anyone I was with. I would literally hallucinate if I smoked enough (I would see figures running on roofs at night, weak yet unmistakable closed-eye visuals like symmetrical geometric patterns, depth perception messed up, audio mind fucks - I wouldn’t be able to discern how loud or quiet something was or where it was coming from, etc.).
I learned brain chemistry can be vastly different from person to person. I gathered all sorts of information from the internet on all kinds of substances. I was very interested in other people’s stories of their experiences (This is how I stumbled on Erowid years ago). After this I was so astounded by the mental and physical effects that drugs have that I was dead-set on becoming my own guinea pig and wanted to try everything at least once. Before that I was always just indifferent to drugs, and now that I think about it my view on drugs was slightly tinged in negativity from authority figures and the media (Now very distrustful of both). It kicked off my still ongoing experimental phase and thirst for psychology, philosophy, and knowledge in general. It made me want to think harder and delve deeper into the subject of this phenomenon we call consciousness, subconscious, and life. It broadened my view and understanding and helped me step out of myself and try to grasp the big picture of the universe. We’re so insignificant and the things we do are so petty if you just stop and think about it. Before I was like most people just ensnared in the motions of daily life, in functions of society, but now I’m sure there is something more out there and inside ourselves. I view drugs as inner teachers, not something to forever latch onto or fiend for, and apply a shard of my experience to modify my sober world and need less and less. Every now and again I may need a “refresher” course from my “teachers” and that’s okay.
Food for thought:
An earlier thought I had when I was on marijuana was “What if how I feel right now on marijuana is how some people feel all the time? And how they feel on marijuana is how I feel, how my state of conscious is, when I’m sober?” and that question got me on the road to thinking about relativity, perception, and our senses. There could be all sorts of phenomenon “out there” right now in our presence that we can’t “pickup” because we don’t have senses for it. Maybe other organisms do?...
Marijuana (My first love), Alcohol (Oh how I’d love to be an alcoholic), Nicotine (Cigarettes. I don’t smoke much, never really craved them.), DXM (Liquid Robitussin on occasion. Only first Plateau.), LSD (One tab once, didn’t really feel anything except energetic. It must’ve been something else or duds?) , Psilocybin Mushrooms (Three times before this experience, crazy nights, but those are several other stories), Salvia Divinorum (Post-story), Hydrocodone (Port-story), Adderall (Post-story).
On vacation in southern Texas, my hometown, for the summer. Tepid night hanging with my childhood best friends “M” and “E” at E’s house. It was both M and E’s first times trying psilocybin.
Excited with a small tinge of anxiety. Devil may care attitude. Recently broke up with short term girlfriend so I’m a little sour (Okay, I lied, I’m very bitter). Maybe it’s not the most opportune time for psilocybin because that loomed in the back of my mind, but I decided not to let it ruin our fun this night. Small things like this snowball as you’ll see in my story.
Me, M, and E drove behind a corner store in a nearby city to snag some nice homegrown shrooms from a friend of a friend of M’s. It came out to 6 grams for $60 so 2 grams for each of us. On the drive back, windows down, music blaring, and cool wind flowing through my fingers, I could tell M and E were silently giddy to try them out and that made me smirk a little. It was like I was some druggie Jedi teaching my young Padawans the force. M has always been the open-minded, liked-by-everyone, and most importantly the funny guy in our group of friends and could make the sternest motherfucker laugh. E was the I-don’t-give-a-shit, stubborn, and most determined person in our group with a dash of hard-rooted pessimism. Both are still the two closest friends I have.
~10 PM - E’s parents are out of town for the weekend so we have his house to ourselves. We finally get home and order some pizza before the trip because I figure we’re going to be up all night. After we finished eating I emptied the ziplock bag’s contents and divided the shrooms evenly. We had no scale to weigh them, but luckily there were six caps of more or less the same size. Earlier I had read somewhere over the internet that drinking orange juice intensifies the trip (I always see people debating whether this is true or not, I don’t know if it is but it can’t hurt right?) so we each gulped down a big glass of orange juice in addition to the two caps each. The smell of shrooms is literally like shit, but the taste to me has always been oddly similar to pistachios. With a bit of anticipation, now we play the waiting game. Me, M, and E get on the computer and start watching some MGMT videos on Youtube.
~ 11PM - Throughout the trip I didn’t really keep track of time so bare with me. This is where the most intense trip I’ve ever had begins. The onset was the quickest I’ve ever had, within 10 minutes of ingesting it things were starting to feel…different. I had a little tightness in my chest from the anticipation. Another 10 minutes later I was definitely feeling it. I let M and E know and asked them if they were feeling anything yet. They looked at each other then looked around the room and said something like “Hmm, I don’t think so…” which kind of got me disappointed because our trips didn’t start out “synced up” and I was starting alone. The MGMT videos were starting to get weird; they had a cartoony/cardboard effect to them. I left them to the computer and started playing E’s guitar for about 5 minutes when we all decided to go to E’s room and watch a movie. E’s room is pretty small and his bed takes up most of it so it was all 3 of us sitting on his bed. Now the lights are off and E is setting up his Xbox 360 for us to watch “Kick-Ass”.
At this point I feel like I’m slowly withdrawing into my skull, it’s hard to explain, it’s like you’re in a dark theatre alone watching a movie on a big enveloping IMAX screen (what you’re seeing in real life is the screen), but even that description doesn’t sound quite right. E gets the movie playing and now we’re all engulfed in what’s going on his TV and laughing at the intro, and I believe this is where their trips start as well. The movie seems strange to me, the characters are alien-like, but I’m still not far out enough yet to be bewildered as to what they are. At one point I look over to M and tell him I’ve never tried mushrooms before, and that I was kidding I ever took them to fuck with him a little as I know he would do the same thing in my shoes, but also in good humor. This gets him saying he is on the road to a bad trip, because he was relying on my previous experience in trying them out to see if they were okay, and even though I told him I was just messing with him he still doesn’t believe me. He quickly comes out of his funk as he sees me and E laughing at my prank.
As I’m watching the movie, around the center of my vision, I keep seeing what I can only describe as Tetris-shaped blocks of colors morphing all the time and at the same time the actor’s voices keep distorting and changing pitch and slowing down or speeding up along with their foreheads blobbing and bubbling out of the screen. It’s a very peculiar thing to experience and haven’t had this happen before on shrooms, but it didn’t freak me out I just found it amazing but sadly they weren’t experiencing the same thing. Throughout this movie I had no idea what the plot was or understood any connections that were being made. To me it seemed like random things just kept happening and scenes just changed when they felt like it and everything about the movie was a twist. There was no order just complete chaos. I remember M and E barely figuring out what was going on in the movie, but they seemed much sober than me. There is a part in the movie where the main character is in this girl’s room and looking at this girls back reaching to unbutton her. I blurted out “She’s really a man!!!”, M and E turn and look at me confused, “Wait what?...”. I really believed he was going to take her clothes off and she would be swinging around a penis. I remember on one scene the main character gets stabbed by some street thug and I thought to myself “What the fuck?!” and felt as though it was out of the blue and this character was some real person and we needed to do something about it. It was so visceral. At times I heard 8-bit (Think first Mario video game) like sounds going on in the movie (common for me on shrooms).
I closed my eyes and would see stunning and vivid Aztec-like patterns and geometrical shapes spinning and reproducing. When I opened my eyes M and E paused the movie and were looking at me. E said to M “He’s tripping hard…”. It looked like I was seeing them from a purple and green fish-eyed lens. I told them to close their eyes and look at the visuals. They did and awed in fascination. I went to the bathroom and, as always when on shrooms, looked at myself in the mirror and came out and told them to try the same. We did this for maybe 20 minutes, I can’t be too sure, but that sounds right. The trip for me was only growing as the movie progressed. “Kick-Ass” ended and boy was the ending intense, especially in our state. At some point during the movie M was uncomfortable and we somehow managed to get a big lazy boy chair from their living room down his thin hallway, past E’s bedroom doorway, and into his already crowded room. In retrospect I really don’t know how we did this and got it to fit. It would have been very difficult even sober but we pulled it off.
We couldn’t think of anything else to do so I suggested watching “Half-Baked” the first movie I watched on mushrooms. Shortly into the movie M was laughing very hard and telling me good choice and that now he understood what I meant when I would talk about it. I was really gone at this point. I think this is where I was peaking. I had very little ego, if any, left and could barely mumble out one or two words. I was thinking how strange the creatures were on the screen and how cartoonish and outlandish human beings were. I didn’t understand what we were, just “things”, and other strange thoughts kept reoccurring.
It seemed as if M and E never quite matched my level of the trip, they were on a lower level and were still in reach of reality and practical thought and were sobering up a lot quicker. The movie finished and it was now about 6AM when I glanced at the clock later on (I couldn’t decipher the clock) and I was still tripping balls but slowly beginning my descent. We all went out into the kitchen and started heating up some leftover pizza but I wasn’t hungry. I don’t know why but I sat on the couch while they ate and didn’t say a word while they talked and laughed. E decided to check up on me to see if something was the matter. I said “No, I’m fine.” and left it at that and I really was for awhile, but eventually something in me snowballed. I was thinking about my breakup and felt so bitter and hollow. After awhile longer I could feel the tension, that something wasn’t right, a feeling of dysphoria. I kept asking them if I was killing the “mood” and told them I’d leave if they wanted me to. They said no and asked again what was wrong and that sounded to me like some deep philosophical question that probed into my past. I told them I was just tired and M jokingly kept saying “YOU’RE tired?!?! I have to stay up all day playing with my little brother!!” (He was going to the beach with his family in a few hours) as E laughed. My mood gradually lifted and we went back on the computer again but I was still too out of it to even know how to work it (sounds funny but true), so I let E control the computer. I finally come down enough an all three of us go outside to have a cig and watch the sunrise. M never smokes but he took this occasion as significant enough to have one with us. The sky towards the horizon was a bright orange and pink. E says how he feels optimistic and like at this moment he feels he can accomplish anything and everything is new and refreshed. This is something new coming from E. I tell him I feel the same way and it’s called an afterglow. M gets picked up by his family as we wave goodbye. After Me and E take a couple Benadryl I head over to the spare bedroom to crash and E goes to his room and does the same. Very intense and memorable time of my life.
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