DOSE: T+ 0:00	7 mg	oral	4-AcO-DMT	(powder / crystals)
T+ 1:00	7 mg	oral	4-AcO-DMT	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

After acquiring some 4-Aco-DMT, I was ready to put this chemical to the test. Psychedelics like acid and shrooms were somewhat hard to get in that town, although I had done acid twice, as well as much experience with cannabis, DXM, amphetamines, alcohol, nitrous, opiates.

I had already done 4-Aco-DMT once. My first dose was approximate but rather small, but the experience had been a bit sour; after a while, I smoked some weed. All was well and I was lying down, but I got up and got a terrible headrush and passed out, which was extremely scary when it happened. (If you've ever passed out, you know that it's pretty intense and unpleasant alone. Imagine that, plus the odd, amplifying effects of weed, plus being on this particular hallucinogen for the first time. Ouch!)

After I passed out, I immediately lied down and started to feel better. I had never passed out on weed before but I knew people did so I figured it was just a bad combination of two drugs and a headrush, so I wasn't worried about my physical health. But I started tripping really hard, since I was lying there with the lights off, alone. My roommate was asleep, but it was becoming more interesting and I figured I could handle myself. In that time, though, I drifted off into what seemed like forever. Hours of tripping. I felt my ego disintegrate. I still remembered 'me' complete, but 'me' was just an illusion. A disgusting one. I knew I was God, and all is God, but I also knew I was stuck in this human form and so I was weak. I was God, technically, but it didn't really mean anything. I wondered, why does God (me, us, everything,) subject us (humans, living creatures, me) to displeasure? To horrors and sadness and pain? What is the universe's motive in torturing itself?

My two mistakes were separate but related: First, I began to think about how horrible things could be for someone. The very fact of all the terrible things that one can experience was a terrible thing itself. I didn't even want to exist. Aside from that, I started thinking about thinking itself and going on and on. Well, it's hard to describe exactly, but I essentially drove myself insane by thinking about thinking itself, (trying to consider chaos or something.) And I was frustrated because I felt I couldn't face death courageously when I would die. It was all very powerful. And though it had some benefits on my mind, it also left me feeling negative the next day. I was so disillusioned with existence that life seemed pretty unpleasant. (I realized that what they say about people sometimes going insane on acid or weed isn't all bullshit, too. That shit can push your mind and emotions too far for some people!) And rather than feeling renewed, as I had hoped for, I felt purged.

But I wasn't done with 4-Aco-DMT yet. I knew the next time I would merely need to be more careful.

The next time, I was going to trip with two friends, who we'll call Ben and Jimmy. It was just us three that night. I explained some about the drug to them so they knew what to expect. (Though you can never really anticipate such a thing...) I also mentioned that it didn't really have a proper nickname/street name, at least that I knew of, so we would have to try to figure out a fitting name for it. We each had two capsules with about 7mg in each, and at 11:00 PM we each took one capsule. (I wanted to take the dosage slow and easy because it was my second time and their first.) Within about 40 minutes, me and Jimmy started to feel the restless energy that the drug produces. (Similar to LSD.) Ben started to feel the energy soon, too, but other than that, we all just chilled out and played video games for a while. During this time I felt kind of nauseous and continued to. I remember feeling a little bit hot and wondering if I was going to pass out again as I went to the bathroom. I thought, damn it, I don't want to feel like I'm going to pass out. That isn't enjoyable! But it wasn't all bad; I was certainly enjoying the drug's feeling.

At 12:00 PM we each took the other capsules, which brought us up to about 14mg total for each of us. About an hour later, (apx 1:00 AM) we popped in a copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. They hadn't seen it before, though I had seen it a few times in the past and knew the movie was perfect alone, let alone for a bunch of tripping fools as we. In retrospect, this was an excellent decision, both because the movie rocks, especially when high, and because it gave us something cool to focus on on the come up. It's harder to focus on introspection and steer yourself into bad feelings when you're paying attention to other things- a lesson I would more fully learn later on.

As we watched the movie, we all noticed trippy disturbances in it, though some of them were from the movie itself and some of them were from the drug. (It was actually very hard to tell which was which in most cases.) Ben said he hadn't felt it when we started and suggested taking more, but it wasn't far into the movie before we were all feeling the drug very much. It felt very cool, like we were in a different world, but not completely alien. (Kind of like a living dream. I describe cannabis as more like a daydream and LSD and similar psychedelics like 4-Aco-DMT just as a dream. But that's only one way to view it, of course. Point is, it was great. About half way through the movie, (approximately 2:00 AM) we paused it basically just to talk. By this time, all negative feelings and nausea were just... gone. All was good. That strong, physical, restless energy wasn't very strong for most of it. Or rather, it was much more subtle and enjoyable now. When coming up, it was strong and fairly anxious and was coupled with some nausea. But then at some point it turned to something much more gentle and enjoyable and remained that way all throughout. So there is a bit of negativity to get through at first, at least for me, but it's not that bad.

We all remarked about how amazing we felt, how amazing this substance was. One of the things that 4-Aco-DMT tends to make me want to do is try to explain things, such as how it makes me feel, but over time we all realized that sometimes we just have to be happy to say nothing, realizing that we were all having a lot of small epiphanies. It felt good to know, though, that we at least felt very similar about a lot of what we were feeling at the time.

We basically did whatever for a bit. The visuals were cool because they weren't overwhelming, but they were there, especially if you were looking at one thing. Not that I don't like intense visuals, but at this dose at least, (I don't know about higher doses,) the drug was still very social. All social awkwardness or worry melted away; we were friends. Brothers. Property was unimportant. All that was important was our mutual happiness. I, at least, would have shared anything to them as if they were family at the time, and I bet they would have too. Was this what it was like for the hippies? If was beautiful. Pure comradery. Happiness.

The only thing that was disappointing was the idea that the rest of the world didn't have this, this beautiful, nameless thing that I, we, now had. Not the drug itself, though. Not even the good feelings it gave.

It also was disappointing for a moment to think about how we wouldn't always be like this, but then I realized that we could take away this beautiful thing even when we weren't on the drug. The point isn't just to feel good for a few hours. It's also to take away that goodness and claim it for yourself forever. And it wasn't just a good feeling. It was a good-being. The most beautiful thing about 4-Aco-DMT isn't how it can help you be when you are on it, but how it can help you become when you're straight and sober. It can change your life if you allow it.

After we had messed around for a while, (it's hard to keep track of time and intensely easy to get caught up in doing literally anything,) I noticed Jimmy had been in the bathroom for a while. I was worried he was caught in introspection or something so I checked on him and after two tries I got him to finally get off the shitter and come back in. At a certain part in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Raoul Duke says of his attorney/friend that he was likely going to go into a four-hour long introspective, catatonic nightmare trip. (The part where Dr. Gonzo is sitting in the bathtub after consuming a ton of acid.) I realized what he referred to was exactly what I had gone through the first time I tried 4-Aco-DMT and, among many other things I realized about the nature of the drug, I realized that the drug seems to connect one to the pure, chaotic force of creation that composes reality. It's hard to explain, but at points at least I thought about how the universe is, at its purest, just two simple forces at work. Yin and Yang. Two flavors of God, maybe.

The difference between this time and the last time, where the experience was much more negative, was that I saw God, me, the universe, everything, as beautiful, no matter how it was, rather than something negative and terrible. I had given into fear last time, and when one gives themselves to fear, life will seem horrible and not worth living. But when one is courageous and only thinks about will, then the universe is pure and beautiful and good and anything is possible. What they say about good trips and bad trips, about just maintaining good thoughts and a good vibe- it was true, but it was also completely wrong. All of existence worked this way, though. Not just some trip. So, not only was the key to this simple trip, (to enjoying it, to having a good time,) to be pure in courage and will, but that technique was the very key to existence itself.

That was the important truth I learned. That was what I could 'take home' from this trip-- something I already knew, or at least thought: Existence is without real purpose or meaning, but it's still beautiful and good. Or it could be said that our meaning in life is simply to experience. Nothing really matters because everything matters equally. Where before I had become very disturbed to think of how reality is just a dream of God, an illusion, that nothing truly matters and we have no real purpose, that free will is just an illusion and that I was a prisoner to God and a universe that I was supposed to be one with, I now had no problem with it all. Why the difference this time? Because of a single choice. The choice to seek will-- truth, beauty, happiness, instead of fear-- lies, disgust with existence and sadness.

Yin and Yang is maybe not a good way to describe the two forces I was aware of then, the forces I believe are at the root of all things-- but whatever you call them, I had realized that all I had to do was hold onto the good, the positive. That's all my life was about. To seek good in all I did. Not some deluded religious view of morality or narrow meaning, but... to seek the positive force. I don't know how to say it better than that, or how to sum it up. Maybe for a human the most appropriate and simple phrase would be the Wiccan Crede: 'An it harm none do what ye will.' This is the knowledge that I gained personally, at least, but you can see how a single 4-Aco-DMT experience really changed me. For the better.

In any case, we watched the rest of the movie. The whole night was filled with good emotions, good epiphanies and the feeling that, whatever we did, we could do it well. We could seek perfection, make it, even in imperfect circumstances. After the movie, Jimmy tried to go to sleep since he had stuff to do the next day, although it took hours before he actually could fall asleep.

Ben and I smoked a bunch of good quality cannabis. I often get a weird sort of anxiety when on weed for no real reason, but I felt none of it then. It was only pure goodness. I felt it was mostly because I had chosen never to give myself to fear again; the first trip I had showed me what happens when I allow fear to take hold, and this second trip showed me what happens when I choose will instead. It strengthened my will. I was finally like I was supposed to be- not just tripping and having fun at that very moment- but released of fear forever, as long as I chose to be. It was all about what I chose. It was all about will.

Between the 4-Aco-DMT and the cannabis, we tripped throughout the night and into the morning. We couldn't sleep until at least 7:00 AM or so, whereas with acid I was able to go to sleep happily and easily something like two hours sooner. 4-Aco-DMT really keeps you up! Which is great, because it's fun to do at night and I hate being sleepy, and would prefer not to feel like I have to add some stimulants like coffee or Adderall on top of my trip just to stay awake as long as I want.

The next day, I felt renewed. The decision to seek will and say fuck off to fear wasn't just a temporary effect, it was a decision. One that I had finally made. I'm a better and changed man today because of that night- a night spent taking a miniscule amount of bitter powder in a self-measured capsule with some friends, watching a movie and talking and thinking. And that became an unthinkably important night of my life.

We decided on the name Spiral as a nickname for 4-Aco-DMT. Not only because it reminded me of the concept of the universe spiraling metaphorically out in miraculous, beautiful, constant, exponential growth, but because we felt, in a sense, that the drug made one think outward, in sorts of spirals. If one holds onto those spirals of thoughts, they're bound to start driving themselves crazy by thinking about thinking about thinking about (oh God what am I even thinking about?) etc, if you know what I mean. We figured it was an interesting, cool name that was positive and accurate and yet honest. It speaks of a substance that is powerful and can be either good or bad, depending on what choice you make with it. (And by the way, I know people can probably have a bad trip for reasons uncontrollable, but I think that most trips are self-caused and preventable by some simple methods such as choosing to seek a positive state of mind over negative and being willing to stop what you're doing or thinking and doing something else.)

4-Aco-DMT is an amazing substance. It has produced my most powerful drug experience and my most positive one as well- and in a moderate dose, no less. It is also probably extremely safe itself, given its relationship with psilocin. (I'm not good with chemistry but there's some information about it on the internet. Also, realize that no matter how safe a substance is, there's still other things to consider, such as your supplier/friend/whatever giving you a different chemical. Use of any drug is at your own risk. Then again, living itself is at your own risk too.)

4-Aco-DMT can be very, very visual and also very, very emotional. Some parts of it can be difficult, such as the come-up, but for the most part the substance is very, very positive- if you choose to make it so.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 92013
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Sep 22, 2011	Views: 35,337
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4-AcO-DMT (387), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)