DOSE:

5 hits

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 5x)

BODY WEIGHT:

220 lb

First REAL Salvia Experience

I am still in the middle of my trip as I am writing this. Well actually toward the end. I have forced myself to come back to reality.

I was reclining in my lawn chair on the deck. After taking a huge hits of 5x, I immediately dropped into the other reality. As I started to come to, I kept getting the sense that I was in a time loop. And that I was in some sort of thing that was traveling in circles around and around me. And it took all my effort to pull myself out of the circling reality . Around and around it went. And as I pulled myself out, I had to hold on to this reality or I would spin back into the other. I had to convince myself it was real. I was looking for evidence in my memory that it was real... Thinking of my wife and kids. How could they not be real? But nothing is real, right? I could just let myself fall back into the other world and never return. Just follow the never ending loop.

But no, I had to hold on to this reality. I got up and walked to the door. I entered the house. I walked through the house. How could it all be not real? That would be impossible. It has to be real. I walked to the front door, then out into the world. How could this whole world not be real? It was like I was on to the secret. I could see the other side. That everything on this side is a big illusion that everyone is following. And at any moment I could choose to drop out of it. And that would be the moment where everyone in this reality would be left looking for answers. Everyone is sort of on to it. But at some point we figure it out. That none of this is real. But it seems so deep and complex that it must be. But it isn't. Yet how can this plant be the way to travel to the other place? How can that be? What stage am I in right now? The reality that I remember is not full of missing people who have disappeared into the other world. There are just a few of us who have glimpsed it. But maybe next time I will be drawn even further than before. And I will come back to a world, if I choose it, that is further along than this one. I came all the way back this time. I chose to come back. But I could have stayed there. How deep does it go? Why are we only able to glimpse it?

I am slowly coming down. But I am still very high from this. What if my wife finds out? Maybe every existence in the world has a wife that might find out? A world of celebrities and stars who sometimes talk about the other side. Maybe all that is fake? Maybe everyone is at a different point of the loop. Maybe our interaction is just how things happen to be in this present reality that I am experiencing. But maybe every existence has this moment. This moment to choose to return to the reality that we love. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love my family and friends. It is an incredible depth of reality, so complicated and unknowable. And yet the other side is just a strange thing pulling me away. I can't explain it. Maybe the next person to read this trip report will understand and choose to stay on the other side next time? Maybe that is the point of my writing this. So that someone else will find it after I am gone. That sounds suicidal. But it's not, is it? I have never thought that way before.

Maybe that is the weird thing. Maybe suicide is such a taboo because of how it hurts people in this reality. But it is really their misunderstanding of all those who have chosen to escape this reality. Some evidence gets left behind. But is it enough to show them the way? The truth? What is really out there. How all of this is so fake. So unreal. Yet my wife. My kids. Surely they are real?? How can this be? It is really a crazy adventure I have just gone on. My mind seems to be clearing up now. But really it is just me losing grasp of the other reality. I am awaking from the truth, the dream is the truth. But I am awaking from it. Back to reality. Back to this place.

When I first started to come out of the trip, it was like I was at the center of something, like I was a cylinder, and all of reality was spinning around me. And I could try to get up, or I could choose to stay in the nothingness. It was like there was a sound, like a repeating word, but I don't know what it was. Over and over. A repeating reality, a very tight circle. As I came to, the circle began to get larger. Each repetition held just a briefest additional glimpse of reality. I kept looking there, trying to grasp at it. But I kept going back to the smaller diameter spin. Then I reached out again with my mind, just trying to get another addition to the repetition, to make each revolution last just a little but longer. To get just a little bit more of an understanding of reality. And at first I reached my hand out to slow the spinning. But it was like my hand was moving into the other reality, reaching out further into the reality of this place and slowing it down, getting deeper into it.

When I finally stood up, I was just barely hanging on to this reality. I had to move deeper into it, to get myself back into it. I had to move back into the house. But it was crazy. I was crazy. It wasn't real. Or it was, and I wasn't. At least at the time. I had to keep moving, to convince myself that this was real. I had to think of the complexity of this place. I had to convince myself that the complexity of this place was the evidence that it was real. It couldn't be an illusion. It was too complicated. The place I had left, the simple place, the central cylinder around which all reality revolves. That simple center could not be reality. This complicated place had to be the reality. The central place was nothingness, pure nothingness. I left there. I came to this place. This complicated place full of years of memories. I used that to convince myself. I left the house and walked completely around the block. Along the way the other reality kept calling me back. The simpleness. The other side. I could have chosen to go back. To let my mind go back to the other place. Is that death? Would the people left behind here be sad at my leaving? I kept walking. I am still tripping right now as I write this. But I am slowly getting sober. Or slowly losing sobriety. I don't know which.

I kept walking. Suddenly I was lost and nothing looked familiar to me. I kept telling myself that these trips only last 15 minutes or so. I should walk around the block and get back to the house. Just stay on this sidewalk and eventually it will lead back to my house again. Another circle! And by that time I should be sober enough to talk to my wife if she is awake. I couldn't remember how I had left the house. Did I lock myself out? Did I make a lot of noise? Did I slam the door? Would my wife be waiting for me with questions that I might not be able to answer? Would I lie to her? I contemplated telling her the truth. That I had taken a trip. That I was still tripping. That I couldn't keep my job. That we had to move somewhere else. That this reality is not enough any more. That I am on the way to stardom. To the top of this reality. To let others know of the way to the other side. To get the voice heard.

I cannot believe what has happened to me. I now know why others think this is crazy. Why they want it illegal. Why they persecute those who have these ideas, who travel to these inner places. Because they are covering it up. They are denying the truth. They don't believe in another side. Or they have accepted such a strange understanding of it, such a strange way to get there. Religion. Beliefs. Prayer. Heaven. What?? That is what I do for a living. Jesus. I am a full time pastor. I preach in a church on Sundays. I believe that world is true. But so is this. So is this alternate reality. Just a couple tokes and away you go. To the other side.

They called me a couple times. Last time I tripped I was almost there. Three times it called, beckoning me to that central space of nothingness. I feel like I still have not crossed over. I feel like I still was not quite there. Almost there. But if I go all the way there I may not come back. Or maybe you HAVE to come back. Maybe as long as this body is alive you have to come back to this place. I have heard people talk about meeting people on the other side. Is that possible? Is that what this journey leads to? Every life here ends with a trip to the other side for good? As if every path has the same ending. And we all are finding our way to that ending. And when we get there, we cross over. And these entheogens are like temporary short cuts. They get us there without death, but we have to come back. Because they don't kill us! There is no way to stay there. We have to come back as long as this body in this reality is alive, we are trapped in it and have to stay here. But at some point we are able to escape? Huh? My mind is really going wild here. The effects have still not worn off yet.

I have to start a new paragraph because I just don't know exactly what has happened and my mind is still on the other side somewhat. Like I could lie down to sleep and enter that place. I have been writing for 15 minutes now, or something like that. And I am somewhat sober now, but not yet there. I can't really get this figured out. What happened? I was laying in a chair, and 38 years of reality was in my past. I took a big hit, several strong tokes. As much as I could hold in my lungs, threw the rest away, and held it. Kept holding it. Put the lighter and can down as fast as I could before I went under.

Then it happens. I instantly lose all sense of reality. I drop into the drain. Like brushing my teeth. And the next thing I remember is the repeating. The circle. The repetition over and over. A thought happening and adding to the repetition. A counter-clockwise circle of repeating reality. As I turn to my right, I can sort of reach out that way, and the circle widens to include that action, but spins around back into nothing. Then out again into that action, and back around again into nothing. Then as I come around again, after ten or 20 revolutions, I reach a little further, and it stretches the circle out that way, and the repetitions take just a little longer each go around. Back to nothing, around to my last brush with reality, back to nothing, around and around. If I let go of reality, if I stop trying to grasp it, the circle tightens up and speeds up again, toward infinity.

Perhaps the tightest absolute circle is nothing, and the speed reaches infinity, and it is nothing? Anyway, I reach out again, just to try to grasp a little bit. The circle widens. Around and around it goes. I reach a little further. It slows down a little more, my arm starts to come into view. I can see it reaching toward reality on my right, but over and over again it goes by as the circling continues. I reach further this time. I see the deck. The tree. The stuff in this world. It is only a glimpse that repeats over and over between nothingness. But it is a larger glimpse, so the time between repetitions gets slightly longer. I see that reality is there if I reach out for it. I try to get up, to will myself into the larger spinning reality. Things get a bit more complex. But not much. I am still very close to nothingness. But I will myself into this world. I stand up and walk to the door. Feeling at any moment like the circles could quicken and draw me back to the nothing. I keep on. I enter the living room. It seems crooked. Like my mind could still fall to the left. I head outside. I start walking. I don't know where I am going. But the walking is keeping me in this place. To stop walking would be to let go and return to the nothing. I know I will sober up soon. But if I run into anyone there is no way I could pretend to be straight. I am WAY gone still. Not knowing if I will ever sober up. Like on mushrooms. Did we take too much? Will it ever end? I am still high as I am typing this. I can't believe it. Seems like almost a half hour now as I look at the computer clock in the top right...

Starting another paragraph. I don't know how this will ever be the same again. I have been to the other side. But I can't remember it. I only remember waking up from it. It's as if that left side was a whole other reality, just as deep and complex as this one. And there is a veil of nothingness that separates them. And passing through was the whole spinning experience. I just remember coming back. I don't remember what was on that other side. Whatever it was, it was all in my mind. At least compared to this reality. I can't believe it. I am really blown away. Taking LSD and mushrooms and mescaline was never this deep. Never this far gone. They lasted longer. But I was always definitely on THIS side. Never so far as to go to the other side like I did tonight. Not even remembering it. Just recalling the return to here. The passing through. The right side that slowly got wider and wider. I can only assume the left side does the same, if I am traveling that direction. Coming back, I can't even explain it now. Like my existence was just a narrow pencil, spinning counter clockwise. And as I reached for the reality on the right, it would slowly open up. Was I laughing? I have no idea.

OH MY GOD I NEED A SITTER!! What a trip. What if I had run into a cop? Or my wife? Or my kids?!! How could I have explained my delusion? I was not in my wrong mind? Or was I? I was between worlds. How do you explain that? I had trouble hanging up my jacket when I got back home. I went straight to the computer and started writing. I am STILL not sober. Another 10 minutes has gone by! This is insane. I know I could sober up faster if I tried. But writing this down is keeping me in the moment. My head is tingly. My hair and scalp are tingly. Weird. I need a cigar. I need a Mt. Dew. I need to go back outside and relax. This has been the deepest experience of my life. And I barely remember it. Just the waking up part. And it has all been less than an hour or so. Maybe 75 min? That seems like a long time. I need to set a stopwatch next time. This has been 5x... What on EARTH!!! Could 10x be like? Or 20x???? Maybe I will go so deep I will remember it? The other side. What is there? People talk about it. They see people. They have conversations. Something is over there. Is it real. Or is this real? What will be left behind here when I go there? I am blown away. Vocabulary is not even nearly enough to explain. I keep using the same words over and over. Reality. The other side. Here. There. Left. Right. Circles. Spinning. I just cannot even begin to comprehend what has happened...

I am gong to stop writing now. I feel like it might be a mistake to stop. But I am stopping, getting a cigar and a drink. Going outside. Putting the Joe Rogan podcast on. Trippy. Goodbye...

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 92203
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 38
Published: May 28, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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Salvia divinorum (44) : General (1), Alone (16)