Citation: Lost Seeker. "Universe on a Boys String: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp92237)". Erowid.org. Oct 15, 2013. erowid.org/exp/92237
First I'd like to quickly preface this experience by saying I've done Salvia many times, and slowly built up my doses. I highly recommend to anyone considering trying Salvia to do the same, because the drug is so unexpectedly powerful it can lead to an overwhelming and unpleasant experience without becoming accustomed to it. Also, in my opinion, it is one of the most incredible tools for spiritual exploration. I've learned so much from it, and it has made me a better person. So please respect this powerful teaching plant, and don't use it as a 'party drug' because you will not only give leverage to the government in their process of criminalizing it, but you will also probably have a very bad trip.
When I trip on Salvia I often go to the same 'place', what I consider some sort of spiritual plane. Although it varies greatly in the way it feels and looks, I get a strong sense I've returned to the same place. Kind of like going to the same house but every time you visit the interior design has been altered greatly. Same place, but a different feel. The portal in varies as well, and I have to say I'm simply not creative enough to create these wonderfully playful and often beautiful entrances I experience with my own mind. I feel like there is a greater force outside myself directing the show.
For the following trip(s) to make sense I also have to quickly relay two pieces of information. I had just watched a Nova program on 'Fractals'. If you don't know what these are look them up as they are very interesting and 'coincidentally' are used in a lot of psychedelic art. Also I've been struggling with religion. I reject Christianity but have a nagging fear in the back of my mind I could be wrong and myself and almost everyone I love will end up in Hell. Its stupid and hopefully an irrational fear but it is still there, and it is a fear I never have been able to completely resolve because the brainwashing that you experience as a child becomes so hopelessly entrenched in your psyche.
So this night I closed my eyes and prayed for help resolving my fears and no matter how pleasant or unpleasant please just show me the true nature of existence and God. Show me the truth.
I was in my room alone, late at night, perhaps 2 AM on my bed lying down. (Please consider using a sitter)I put the Salvia in my pipe , lit, inhaled. I wasn't sure if I had put enough in though. As I began the familiar 30 second count down I look over to my light and turn it off. The last thing I saw before the light switched was the mini baggie of Salvia, my lighter, and some other clutter. My eyes closed, it is completely dark and there is no sound, so the trip to the other side will be alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on to beautiful songs as life rafts to ward off bad trips in this infinite ocean of the other side, but I wanted to do this alone as I said I wanted to see things as they were, not as I want them to be.
The last images of the Salvia bag, lighter, and clutter are burned into my mind, as images tend to be when the lights go out. For some reason, seemingly without any significance the Salvia bag, lighter and clutter begin to playfully float in my imagination as if I'm in zero gravity. Even though my eyes are closed I still 'see' my room, except its altered a bit in feel. There are stars filling up my room, reminiscent of Van Gogh's Starry Night. Although the effects might sound strong, I'm very clear headed at this point and realize I didn't take enough to have a break through. Maybe the visual effects were, relative to the dose, strong because I had no external stimuli. Also at this time in my room, a being appears and is bending over, reach and grabbing the bottom of one 'side' of reality and peeling the corner up, although not explicitly stated, in fact nothing was spoken by him, it felt as though I was being invited.
I believe I yelled at him in my mind 'hey! show me what I asked. Is the Bible real? and Jesus?' or something like that. Reading it now it seems kind of silly. No reply from the being. Some thoughts ran through my mind about not taking enough, nothing more significant happens and the experience fades as I shift back into consensus reality.
I flick my light back on, very intrigued by what I was teased with. I had to go deeper, no matter what I found I had to resolve this. I put a lot Salvia in my bowl, at least twice as much as I've ever done.
Light, inhale, count down. And I'm completely gone at some point, and don't even remember exhaling. Further than I've ever been. I feel myself 'die'. Except its not painful or scary or anything unpleasant besides a maybe a little overwhelming. I see my life represented in a visual. A big dot with an outline around it. Or at least it seems big when I'm in it, but is actually infinitely small when seen in perspective. A string is connected to it, which I believe represents the transition from life to death, that connects to a larger similar dot. Think Fractals. Everyone I know, everyone who has ever lived is a similar small dot connecting to this bigger dot, the dot representing our universe or some collective consciousness I'm not sure.
Zooming out further this universe or whatever it was composes just the tiniest infinitely small speck of a long string that is vibrating. I believe the rest of the string is made up of other 'uni'verses, quoting uni because its not actually singular. A hand is reaching in, plucking at us. Its not painful, but I don't enjoy it. This happens several times, vibrating me and everyone that exists on this string in these 'uni'verses. The view zooms out further, revealing the string to be some sort of instrument I've never seen before. There are more strings above and below us.
Zooming out further there is a human boy, a boy I sense is kind of a bratty annoying boy, very much like myself as a child but its not me. The boy isn't trying to learn, hes just being a brat plucking at the string without any thought. There is a teacher next to him that I'm unable to see, trying to teach him how to create music but the boy is ignoring his musical instructions. I can't say much about the teacher other than he seems to be almost a parental figure, but as I said I can't see him or get much information on him at all.
Suddenly I'm back to reality. At first I was a bit annoyed because this experience, obviously not real, seemed like a nonsensical delusion. I'm relatively clear headed as soon as I'm back. Sometimes I temporarily believe whatever I experienced was completely real when I 'get back'. This time I almost instantly realize that of course our reality doesn't exist on some boy similar to myself's musical string. I realize taking these experiences too literally is crazy, that rather they are artistic teaching experiences. Analogies, visuals, sounds to help us grow.
My experience is open to interpretation and as I said immediately I got nothing from it besides incredible awe that the human mind could possibly experience something like that but on further reflection I was able to take great meaning from it. My original question and reason for using the drug seemed to have gone, at least directly, unanswered. No insights into whether or not the Bible is real, but what I experienced was so huge that it makes the idea of God being confined to something so small like one culture's interpretation of God seem ridiculous.
Also without going into too much detail, I also realized how incredibly insignificant we are compared to the whole of everything but still despite our insignificance there is something on the other side that cares about us deeply who is trying to teach us something. What it is I can't be certain, but I feel that at its core its simply about being kind to one another and to create as much love as we possibly can.
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