Citation: Fortuna. "First Experience of DMT: An Experience with DMT & LSD (exp92381)". Erowid.org. Jul 20, 2013. erowid.org/exp/92381
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This happened at the OZORA festival a couple of days ago. Before this LSD and MDA were the only hallucinogens I had used. DMT has been on my mind for a while. I read DMT: The Spirit Molecule about six months ago and had seen Enter the Void a couple of times. I was immensely curious about it and really interested in what I could learn from it. My last couple of trips on LSD were very spiritual and I was really ready for something more.
So, my friend and I were chilling at the festival one evening, hanging out on the grass with all the hippies. There were lots of people playing around, tripping, up to random things. My friend and I were having a laugh trying to decipher their conversations. Earlier we had shared a chocolate energy ball that was laced with LSD. I could feel it having a slight effect, but I assumed the dosage plus our tolerance meant that it would have minimal influence. Yes, the first time I smoked DMT I was already on LSD. A young emo looking guy came over and asked us if we wanted any changa. I was like, what is changa? Some crazy new drug we have never heard of? He explained that it was DMT. I knew the moment had come. DMT had found me. I was totally ready for whatever it would bring.
The guy was very attractive: young, tanned, calm, huge brown eyes, straight black hair with an emo fringe. He explained about the stuff, how it was healing, about how MAOI inhibitors were mysterious, how it went well with shrooms. He explained that you could repeat the dosage, if you did it again straight away there would be no tolerance. He explained it saying that the door stays open for a while; this was a nice idea. It made even more sense to me afterwards. The changa came in a tea bag: super stealthy the guy explained. I was unimpressed, I had no idea what DMT should look or smell like and didn't want to waste the 35 eur we had spent on 10 doses. He asked if we wanted to smoke it now, but I had to go find some saffi for my chillum first. This proved difficult, and meant asking a lot of random hippies for scissors and gauze. Eventually we were ready. The guy had already left, so I went up to the top of the hill with my two friends to get some space for my hit. I wanted somewhere quiet and dark, with the stars. Not that that would make any difference when the stuff came on.
I loaded the chillum. Apprehensive I took a toke. There was a slight zooming in and out effect of the trees above me, but that was it. Not enough, but the stuff was definitely real and would work.
OK, time to try this shit for real. I think I had to load the chillum again, and had two more tokes before it happened. I held it in and tried to prepare. Nothing could prepare me for what happened. Yes I read the entirety of DMT: The Spirit Molecule, but there was nothing that could describe this experience. The colours came on quickly. I was lying down. I put my arm over my eyes and went into it. I had time to say, 'Yes, it's definitely working', before I was sucked in.
The visuals were some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life. I knew I had to remember this experience. They got more and intense. They were focused around the centre, entirely symmetrical along four or more axes like a kaleidoscope. But flowing and moving in smooth patterns. The colours were vibrant, like neon in a way, but not glowing, more like the saturation was turned up to transcendent. They were mainly green at the centre, but with red curves around the sides. The red curved shapes were kind of like the patterns you find inside a tomato, with circles of black inside the curves. The centre was a rotating radiating mass of legs or tentacles, reaching out in a spiraling movement. The centre and the whole thing in fact was constantly moving and changing, radiating outwards, always focusing towards the centre.
I knew at the centre there was a presence. The waving limbs were dancing in some tribal, primitive way. A little like the Hindu god Kali, but not angry or destructive. It was definitely female and powerful. I will try to explain what it was like. Very ancient. Ancient like the stars, like the earth. This entity was at the centre of existence. It had great power. It wasn't like the light of love and the universe you feel like LSD. It was outside of that. Outside of our universe. Definitely the feeling of something from space. This wasn't light. This was the darkness of outer space. This was hyperspace and in it was this ancient very alien being. If I had one word to describe DMT it is alien. Like the an incest mind. Analytic, rational, unemotional, unblinking. I knew there was no escaping it. I had entered it's realm and now the entirety of the ancient mind was focused on me. It wasn't malevolent, just impossible to understand its intentions. It could definitely go either way.
I was trying to remember what I had read from DMT: The Spirit Molecule while this was happening, but it was hard to concentrate on anything under the intensity, I tried to go with the visuals, trying to relax into like an LSD trip. However, nothing had prepared me for the overwhelming intensity of DMT, the beauty of the visuals and the sheer power of this force trying to suck me into hyperspace. I knew from trip reports that there was more and I was wondering if I was really was going to be catapulted off the planet. There was definitely the feeling that the entity wanted you to go further. You were under its gaze and it was intently interested in you. Submitting to something so alien was immensely difficult. I was curious but also scared. I went as far as I could but there was a tension, the force completely demanded your attention. It was beautiful, but a kind of terrible beauty. I guess this is what surprised me the most, I had spent the last couple of days doing LSD surrounded by hippies in this loving, sensitive environment, full of smiles love and a kind of joyful fun. But DMT was serious, it wasn't interested in the loving light, it was outside of that, outside of everything human, it was something above the unity of existence in this plane.
I was trying to get an impression of how quickly time was passing outside of the visions. I could hear the music going on from the festival, we could hear the chillout stage and they were playing nice ambient for the mood. From the rhythm I could tell that my sense of time was not so messed up. Time was passing at a relatively normal rate outside. Focusing on anything other than visuals was difficult. I was completely unaware of my body. Experimentally I reached my fingers into the dirt were I was lying. The ground was still there. It was good to feel the earth. It was a powerful connection to this dimension, I was reassured that while my mind was in hyperspace with the aliens, I was still a being of this planet and it was good to know that there the organic forces of life and earth were there, all around and inside of me. By this time the DMT must have come down a little. I knew I wasn't going to get sucked off the planet this time so I enjoyed the rest of the visuals while they lasted. They continued with the same intensity for quite a long time, longer than I had expected. I knew that I could open my eyes and break the trance to an extent if I wanted. After a while the beautiful flowing colours and spaces started to dissipate. They started to recede gradually, the forms were smaller and there was blackness appearing between the moving shapes. They were still immensely vibrant, even the black background had a vibrancy, if black could radiate.
I decided to open my eyes. I lept up, exclaiming, 'Oh my god that was incredible'. I felt reborn. I wondered why DMT is described as a near death experience. This was not death, this was immediate, total and complete rebirth of the mind and personality. Feeling around in my thoughts I found a complete new state. I was actually a different person. This was unexpected and new. Maybe this is what the dealer meant by it being very healing. Everything around me was new as well. Not the wonder and awe of LSD, the world had not changed, I had changed, it was liberating and an amazing experience. I dancing around a little, enjoying the music and the trees and life. How quickly DMT could have this effect was astounding, imagine condensing the personal change of an LSD trip lasting over 10 hours into only 10 or 20 minutes. I knew for sure that I would do DMT again. In, fact I felt I could do it again immediately. I packed the pipe for my friend and got him sorted out with the chillum. This is where things kind of started to take a turn to the weird.
What I am going to describe now was the most uncomfortable part of DMT for me and it is taking a lot of effort for me to put it down here in words. I don't want to remember this feeling. Even thinking about it is uncomfortable for me. I started to get these really junkie vibes. I started getting the fear. I was so completely amazed by the DMT experience was eager to repeat it. I could tell my friend felt the same. I was worried that this stuff was actually super addictive and I had made some terrible mistake, that I was going to keep doing this immensely strong hallucinogen until I broke my mind. This was combined with a kind of unexpected dissociative effect. I felt really distant from everything, from the party, from my two friends. I was wondering if they were feeling the same effect and didn't particularly want to be around them if they were. I know what it is like to be depressed, this was different. It was not sadness, but an infinite distance between me and everything that was going on around me. I was trying to reach out for something that would give me some positive emotional response, but all the usual things, hugging my friends, smoking joints and cigarettes and dancing to the music didn't help. So, I started looking around for some good vibes.
We went back to the party and to be with all the people and the light and the music. I knew we had to go off in search of some change in scenery. It felt too junkie here in the dark on top of this hill smoking obscure life changing drugs. It was really hard to feel anything except the emptiness and distance from everything around me. I rolled a joint and smoked the whole thing without passing it. I have never before committed such a terrible breach of joint etiquette, but this was serious. I rolled another and kept it stuck in my mouth for some security as we walked. I kept the parts of myself that I could under control and we made our way to the chillout tent. Lying down, listening to the music and feeling around I understood what was going on. The LSD my friend and I had eaten earlier had kicked in. I knew I could deal with this, I just needed to dial into the light of the universe. I knew if I chilled the fuck out and concentrated, the love of universe would be out there waiting for me, just enjoy the sensations and go with it.
It turned around pretty quickly after that. I spent the rest of the night dancing to the chill out music, then taking a walk around the festival, checking out the main stage and fire dancers. I met a Hungarian guy walking through the corn fields, we flirted and had some laughs, talking about how great the festival was. The rest of the LSD was a really pleasant mellow vibe, a nice feeling of wonder and beauty without being overwhelming.
The rest of the night I tried to think back about the DMT, but it was almost physically impossible. Like the memory was locked in another part of my brain. I didn't worry about it. I figured I would have plenty of time later to understand it. By the time morning came I was able to unravel a few things. I stayed up talking the ear off my friend, awake and talkative for hours with the LSD.
The next day we planned to do DMT again. I knew there was more out there and that it would be waiting for me. It was the last full day of the festival, so it was either do it then or smuggle the changa back home (probably not entirely impossible). However, smoking it the next day was way less effective. I don't know whether the changa got damp over night, or I had some tolerance or something, or how much of an influence the LSD the previous day had. It took four tokes and loading the chillum twice to get any effect. Then there was only monochrome visuals of faint tentacley, sea urchin type things, similar to the opening part of Enter the Void, but less vivid or detailed. It was disappointing, but I already had one amazing powerful experience to take back with me, so I was not too concerned. Again afterwards there was the disassociated feeling from the people around me but I knew sticking a cigarette in my mouth, smoking a joint and drinking would chai would help it pass.
The DMT experience feels very real. The facts are that I smoked a powerful drug and had an intense experience. But I can't equate that with my personal experience of it, it was so intensely real. I know with solid conviction that that force is out there. For me it is a real thing. When I trip on LSD the feelings, experiences and visions I have on are realish
. I treat them the same as stories or myths. They might not having an existence in this reality, but they influence the world through my thoughts and memories. I can use what I have learned on LSD to improve my own life and hopefully bring some good into the world. But DMT is different. The intensity of it is so incredible that it feels absolutely real. I have been thinking about it over the last couple of days, and always I have the sensation that what I experienced did actually happen out there in hyperspace, outside of existence. The being and the void are real, it is still there. If I want to go back some time in the future, it will be waiting. It's a little ominous, but I know there is great beauty and a truly amazing experience out there.
However, for the moment I think I need a little more grounding before I go back. After a week of LSD, endless joints, MDMA and the occasionally nitrous I definitely need to stay on this planet and do some grounding for a while or things might go completely sideways.
Reading back on this report I might make it seem like DMT was a bit of a negative experience for me. I don't think this is really true, it was challenging and weirder than anything I have ever experienced, but it was intense and unforgettable in a good way. I'm not sure yet what I can take away from it, I think over time and after trying it again I will be able to put some perspective into it. It has definitely made me more respectful of Ayahuasca, I won't be so glib going into that trip, an extended experience of that type would require a really clean, open and unafraid mind if it is anything like smoked DMT.
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