DOSE:

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

An Overview of My Experiences With MDMA

The following chronicles my experiences with MDMA, and provides insight into the therapeutic uses of the drug.

CANADA
5 hours from home, and in a strange gay nightclub… I had a small collection of electronic music, and decided that this “rave” style club would be fun. Besides, the rest of the group I was with for a dental conference was enjoying it. I started dancing with two obviously high guys, they offered me a couple pills that didn’t look like E tablets. Being a bit drunk, a lot young, and very stupid, I decided to take them (I would never suggest or condone this foolish behavior, and I consider myself very lucky not to have been hurt). The next thing I know, I’m standing atop a stage, dancing like I’ve never moved before, and I am astounded by the sense of connection I feel with the world, and I find a sudden peace with myself (I have struggled with depression/anxiety my entire life). Suddenly, the Universal Truth is apparent to me. The music and the lights hypnotized me, and I felt entirely free. On the way back to the hotel, I crashed and burned… I cried for 2 hours straight before falling into bed absolutely exhausted. Raging hangover the next morning. Went back to the club the next night, drank a lot, but couldn’t replicated the feelings from the first night. For 3 years after, I played the songs I heard that night, recalling the elation I felt at that moment in time. I slowly ended my struggle with anorexia and became more focused on enjoying the experience of life.

IT’S CALLED “MOLLY”
I met a friend who has authenticated MDMA powder. I have had several interesting experiences with MDMA. My first night with molly was at a house party where my friend was DJing electronic music. I fondly remember lying on a pool table and just being mesmerized by the sensation of the scratchy felt on my skin. I went to the restroom and took an introspective minute, and realized, without shame or hurt, that I was making some mistakes in my life as far as school and my living situation that I would need to address, but also knew I was strong and would be able to conquer the issues. It was the most honest evaluation of myself I’ve ever given.

I went clubbing on MDMA—I felt like one of the hottest girls in the room, I danced on the DJ’s stage, posed for photos, and worked the stripper pole. I’m a cute “plain jane” girl… in photos, I look like a cracked out fat chick next to my skinny, glamorous friends. MDMA can breed delusion.

Nitrous Oxide is a fun drug, but I feel it ruins the MDMA high. I spent one night, one party, completely nossed out—balloon after balloon. I came out of the fog at about 5 am, and I felt like shit about myself. How could I just disassociate myself for an entire night? I have no recollection of any of the night’s events. It was too much.

MDMA lowers our inhibitions… my BF and I took MDMA one night with another couple, and had wild sex with them. I have always been bi-curious, and I finally had the chance to be with a girl. I had 6 orgasms that night. They say MDMA keeps feelings of jealousy away, but when my BF was touching my friend, stroking her hair, and fingering her, I felt a surge of jealousy. It was surprising because I thought everything was going to be OK. I’m still trying to come to terms with seeing him touch her.

MDMA is also very situational dependent. I dropped one night in a bar in a resort town just because my crazy friend wanted to, and I figured I might as well be rolling if everyone else is. The roll was good, but it didn’t lift my annoyed mood at my friend’s lack of discernment. MDMA is a party drug, not a shoot pool in a sports bar drug. My last roll happened at my mom’s house while I was babysitting her dogs while she was out of town. My mom’s house holds a lot of bad memories for me. Her home is a messy, dirty double wide and a far cry from my tastes. My roll felt more like being drunk. I felt emotionless, and like I just wanted to be done with it. I was very slow to come up, and my boyfriend had me take another 30-50mg… it was too strong of a dose, I remember having strange hallucinations when I would drift off to sleep (I was feeling tired to begin with that day). I just couldn’t get the party started.

I have been experimenting with MDMA for about 9 months, and I have rolled about 8 times. I’m not sure I will be using again any time soon. It seems to me like I’ve discovered everything there is to know about MDMA. I am happy I took it—it opened up insights I wouldn’t have otherwise had. I’m happier and more optimistic, and it put a new spin on my life. I live to enjoy life, not to make myself into the most perfect version of me I can be (that lifestyle was getting exhausting). I feel a wholeness and a satisfaction with who I am. I realize the potential it has as a therapeutic drug and more than just a party drug.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 92666
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Aug 11, 2020	Views: 648
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MDMA (3) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)