DOSE: T+ 0:00	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(capsule)
T+ 1:30	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(capsule)
T+ 2:30	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(capsule)
T+ 0:00	repeated	oral	Caffeine	(liquid)
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I went to the Gorge Amphitheater (outdoors) in Washington State during the last night of Identity Festival. It was the final night of the Identity tour and I was so stoked to go! I decided that I would like to try some molly for my first time while I was there. I have taken mushrooms, LSD, salvia, and DXM before, so I figured I could handle myself. Nope. My preconceptions were that Molly only affected your sensations. My naïveté disregarded how it could affect the mind.

Lemme lay it out, cause my state of mind may have played in to the trip. Some friends come from out of town THURSDAY, and we head to the Gorge FRIDAY evening, and the concert is on SATURDAY, the day I planned to go on a date with Molly. I was continually smoking cannabis throughout, but I’m a pretty heavy smoker so that was no different. I did not get much sleep Thursday and Friday night due to fun stuff going on.

I wake up- it’s Saturday. Fucking Identity Fest!! YES!!! -- But it’s goddam 8 in the morning because we slept in a tent with 6 people in a lot with thousands of other people, and the sun is baking us in the tent more than we were. 5 hours of sleep. I don’t feel a thing. The endorphins have kicked in.

The gates opened at 1PM, shows started at 2PM, and I took one capsule of molly at about 4.30PM. I drank a smallish Rockstar Energy drink as well. Oh yeah, haha, I also brought in 8 joints to smoke! It’s nearing 6PM and I still don’t know for sure if I can feel the molly or if I’m just blazed and grooving to the music.

I drink two more Rockstars. I take another capsule.

I walk around a bit to get to the main stage (I was jammin’ at a side stage). When I get there at about 6.30 my roomy says I should take the third one, because he took his third a half hour earlier and wanted me to be on the same level as him. I gave in to the peer pressure, even though I knew I should wait another hour or so.

I took the third pill.

My memory is not too good for the remainder… Everything was fine, or so I thought. I started to think these wonderful thoughts about nature and the Universe, and people, and how I can make things happen if I will them to. As I was thinking this, I was looking around, and (it seemed) everyone I looked at kind of felt me, and they looked at me.

I began to ask myself, “Who knows about this?? Who knows about this fundamental, untapped law of nature?” For some reason I felt that people could hear what I was thinking , and when my friends spoke to me, it was somehow reaffirming whatever I was thinking, and causing me to further believe that they could hear my thoughts. This is when I started freaking out. I started yelling to people: Do you know about this!?! OH MY GOD! This is too fucking incredible!!

Then it took a harder turn for the worse.

Someone said that I should take my sunglasses off, so it would be lighter. For some reason I took this to mean that I should take my prescription glasses off (I was wearing two pair of glasses). I took this to further mean that I did not need to wear glasses to see well. At this I thought “I don’t need glasses to see??? What other lies have they been feeding us!!” This sent me spiraling down a vortex of conspiracy theories, and I was crying for all of the victims of evil-doing. I then asked, crying, “What’s wrong with me?” I got a lot better after this.

I sat up on the grass, looked out at the stage, and it was gloriously colored. Pretty Lights was on stage. This scene enraptured my whole being. It took me to THE NOW. I realized how much of my time is spent in thought; either thinking of past things or future things. I can’t describe how incredibly PRESENT I felt. It was like waking up after a coma. I knew, too, that I could get back to this feeling after the MDMA wore off. It sketched a feeling in to my brain. As more time passed I realized that I have held on to judgments and stereotypes that cause me to prejudge people before I create an utterance. I instantly shed these old ways and welcomed the new way of being.

There were times when Pretty Lights was playing and I felt like I had a bolt of lightning running through me. I was breathing hard and rowing my fists, screaming: I AM A GENIUS!!!!

After having had some time to think about the experience, I see that it ended up broadening my life through my new acceptance of other people. I still shudder thinking about how my sister had to basically take care of me throughout that experience and how I was completely hopeless in front of a lot of friends and new acquaintances. I never want to be in that position again. I still want to try Molly again, but I will be more responsible with how much and how fast I’m taking.

I think next time I will be able to connect more with that loving spirit that shed me of some negativity and brought me back to the present.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 92884
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Dec 3, 2020	Views: 625
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MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), First Times (2), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)