Not Even Once
Methamphetamine
Citation:   Oracle. "Not Even Once: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp93002)". Erowid.org. May 20, 2022. erowid.org/exp/93002

 
DOSE:
  repeated smoked Cannabis
BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb
First off, apologies about not providing dosage information. Unfortunately due to the nature of the 'trips' I cannot exactly tell you how much methamphetamine I used because of the binge smoking.

A little background on myself: I am 18 years old, I am a fairly intelligent person who only recently got into the 'drug scene'. Thus far I've been fortunate enough not to succumb to any addiction whatsoever despite my use of almost all of the psychoactives at one time or another (Cannabis and LSD being my favorites). Because of this, I started to develop a bit of a 'drug ego'. I'm pretty good at keeping myself abstracted from drugs, in that I don't often get addicted or feel the urge to use again. After a while I started feeling like I could not get addicted to anything, that somehow my mindset allowed me freedom to use whatever chemical tools I wanted.
I started feeling like I could not get addicted to anything, that somehow my mindset allowed me freedom to use whatever chemical tools I wanted.
I had the general belief that the government overplays the destructive nature of drugs. This all contributed to me deciding that I wanted to try methamphetamine, but only once (or so I thought).

The drug, however, had bigger plans. The second I felt the power, speed, euphoria coursing through my veins I felt a compulsive want to hit the quag almost unceasingly. It was strange though, it didn't feel like something forced. It felt like I honestly wanted nothing more in the world than to just be high off this drug, prolonging the crash hit by hit, not thinking about the consequences, not thinking about the damage, not thinking about sleep or eating... Just speeding, staying awake, keeping the dopamine coursing through my body. I didn't even realize until I ended up smoking the entire 50$ sack I bought my first time that the meth had 'tricked' me into hitting it more than once. I say tricked because it was very much my conscious decision however it felt almost as if I were smoothly seduced. I felt strong urges to try the drug again for the next week or so, and then it tapered off. I told friends I wasn't going to use methamphetamine again. I think they knew more than I did that I was lying.

Not even 2 weeks later and I was hitting it again. This time I bought 80$ worth. 'Oh we'll wait a few months after this binge' my friend and I reasoned with each other, we were, after all, the cream of the druggie scene... We were intelligent, young, strong people. Who better to wield the power of methamphetamine? I truly started to delude myself into believing that even the most powerful and addicting of all stimulants could be used 'responsibly'. This time I binged for 4 days and everything felt amazing... until I crashed for 2 days and walked into the bathroom and looked at myself. I was a goddamn wreck and I hadn't even noticed. Extremely skinny, poor hygiene over the past few days and the worst part : huge red blotches all over my skin on my face going down my shoulders, chest and back. I was floored at how marred and destroyed my body looked, how fragile I was after believing I was so strong on this drug. I realized that, sure society is wrong about *most* drugs, but I think everybody has meth figured out. It's literally a demon, a soul-sucking, selfish, twisted demon that will change your brain chemistry into being just as alone, just as twisted and sick and deranged as it is... Even after my first use I noticed that I got more aggressive and that my personality was changed in some extremely alarming ways. This is not like psychedelics, psychedelics can be employed to change your personality in powerful and wonderful ways that benefit everyone, meth can never be used like that. It is the perfect drug for achieving one end: Extreme psychosis or death.

After figuring all this out, you would think I would quit, wouldn't you? Or at the VERY least wait a few months. No... I came across crystal at a friend's birthday party. At first, I tried to resist, but the problem with meth is that once I'm out of the comedowns and the horrible withdrawals my mind has a tendency to only remember the great parts. Not to mention, meth has a very strong tendency to create very strong obsessive and compulsive tendencies, so instead of thinking about doing the drug again my brain will want to jump the gun and scream 'TAKE IT!'. Then the reason comes after, 'One more time? Sure why not... I'll just smoke it one more time and after this stash is gone I'm through.'

After using on and off a month I finally decided to draw the line and quit forever. This was caused by me recently getting back in contact with a very, very close friend. I decided after falling in love with her that I had to become responsible and stop wasting my life, especially to things as vile and terrible as methamphetamine. She was the 'ice-breaker', the thing that finally got me to realize what a dumbass I was being. This drug tricks me, it leads me down a path with a blindfold and promises of euphoria but there is nothing there but hell waiting. I do not know if I will be able to avoid using ever again, I certainly hope I have the willpower, I feel sometimes as if it's not my will anymore, and that the meth has made me partly its slave forever.



Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 93002
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: May 20, 2022Views: 2,389
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Methamphetamine (37) : First Times (2), Preparation / Recipes (30), Addiction & Habituation (10), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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