Citation: Zeke Ralston. "Uncomfortable, Yet Beautiful: An Experience with Aleph-4 (exp93023)". Erowid.org. Oct 28, 2011. erowid.org/exp/93023
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
Arriving home, with the stereo blasting, and Eric and a friend there, I had such a welling of emotion that I realized that I could not handle it. Fortunately, Erica and her friend left. Then I got a deep insight into myself for a lack of responsibility, and my childish way of wallowing in emotions instead of mastering them and doing what is necessary.
The evening was absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen the sky so beautiful, and thoroughly enjoyed all aspects of it. The only flaw was when I choked on some lemonade and it seemed to me, almost drowned. This has made me extremely conscious of swallowing, eating and drinking ever since. Watching the fire with our friends was a marvelous experience which we hated to see end.
I was unable to sleep the whole night. I kept working away, and working away. Mostly, I saw myself as the anti-christ, and the horrible things I was doing to everyone I knew, and my family. I have never seen my self-centeredness so clearly, and how it interferes with learning. I got many insights into other people and my relationships.
I got up at 7:00 A.M., extremely tried. I would have loved to cancel my Father's Day date in Santa Cruz, and just lay around. But I knew I must master myself. At great pain, I went to the kitchen and started to clean up from the night before. I moved like a zombie, slowly and deliberately. I took each move at a time. It was as though all previous habits were removed, and I had to weigh and decide each act. I had an awful lot to do, and it seemed hopeless, but I knew I must do each step, no matter what the cost. The pain was insignificant, because it is the decision that counts, and I must learn to override the pain.
Everything got done, and we left the house right on time. Once in the car, everything got easier, and the drive was very beautiful. I had a calm, peaceful, and most enjoyable day, with much learning and insight, albeit, a little languid. The drive home along the coast was very beautiful, and I got quite energized, although Holly experienced some illness from over-eating.
The next morning I had a fine talk with Greg, after which I experienced some very unusual anxiety. But I was most clear-headed and creative. I killed the anxiety with a carbohydrate lunch, and learned why people often eat as they do.
I felt the experience continues for many days, and feel that it is one of the most profound and deep learning experiences I have had.
I would like very much to try Aleph-4 again, and would particularly like to block out more time for it.
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